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Tuesday, 30 November 04
so i talked to baba yaga
so i talked to the person i refer to as a baba yaga today. i need resolve from the pyschic crisis.
i discovered a snarky thing.. by doesn't like to admit doing wrong, at least not to me. frankly for someone like by, i find it rather ridiculous. here i am admitting all my wrongs, and by can't do it? yeah, you fucked up. i told you some blatant things, and you screwed up. i apologize for fucking up, why don't you?
and some not so snarky things. by and i have miscommunicated A LOT. by says one thing and i hear the opposite. or i say something and by hears the opposite. we might have a common experience, but our words are like speaking a foreign language to each other. also, our emotional boundaries, what we each think is okay, are way different.
anyhow. it was good to talk, but, in the end, i'm still very hurt, and a better emotion - i'm waaaay pissed. i'd rather be pissed than hurt, cause pissy is a lot easier for me to handle.
by and i are going to have lunch o saturday. it'll be good, maybe? and hopefully i can keep my pissyness away. and my hurt.
Posted by brooke at 04:05 PM
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that time of year again..
either i go to afghanistan.. or..
i buy a new laptop, on credit. i want a nice bauble RIGHT NOW, whether in the form of a ticket to another, FAR AWAY, place, or something expensive and gadgety..
unfortunately, this year i cannot afford either (hence, the credit thing).
i blame it on the baba yaga. (see below)
Posted by brooke at 11:07 AM
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psychic crisis
i can't sleep. and being that i'm now going to be honest in this space, i'm going to write about it.
it hit me this afternoon, HARD. wham. i wish i could turn back the clock 4 months. i wish it could be the beginning of august, the 1st of august, no.. a few days before. if i had my calendar handy, i could tell you the exact day in july when jr announced who would be the staff for the campaign i worked on. because i just about turned it down.. in that meeting. i was going to say no. i should have followed my gut instinct and said no.
i was getting ready to apply for jobs in eugene. mom was sending me opportunities and i was going to send my resume in. i was just back from the UK and 1.5 months earlier i helped achieve the thing we weren't supposed to achieve. no, andrea was not supposed to beat scott. a challenger was not supposed to beat an incumbent backed by the chamber of commerce. no, that wasn't supposed to happen. but, fuck it did. and because of that, my stock was up. it was way up. things were good. people were talking about us. we were good. i was good.
and then this campaign came around. oh holy fuck. the personality problems from the very fucking beginning. and all along, the thing i really didn't clue into, we had a candidate who really didn't want it. andrea wanted it. she wanted it bad. but the fall candidate, he didn't want it, nearly as bad. and then the other thing, i met our opponent, and liked him. ferfucksake, i liked him.
but the candidate and the opponent weren't the only problems. the stress of the campaign and having a baba yaga around didn't help either. no, i got sick, really sick. between the stress and the baba yaga, what happened was unthinkable. i got so sick. by october 1 i was blantantly aware that i wasn't doing what i needed too, i wasn't doing the minimum. i couldn't.
i am so angry at those three months. so angry for how sick i got, for my stock going down, for giving everything i could and failing. for giving everything i could and not having a candidate who cared.
i wish i could erase those months. things happen for a reason? thats what e said to me tonight, in our ever so brief and meaningless conversation.
fuck that. my life is so far worse than it would have been if i hadn't worked on that campaign.
these days i'm fighting a pain i've not felt in years. maybe its a pain i've never felt. i don't know. but its been a long time. and if i'd gone to work doing something a lot less stressful, leading the happy go lucky, in denial life that i had been, the space i'm in now, it would have never happened.
i'm so angry. i'm so angry at those three months. and right now i would do ANYTHING to turn back time, to erase it from my life, to get back, emotionally, what i had in august. to get back my stock, to get back it all.
these days, in these floundering times of mine, i am reminded every day that there is no one in my life who holds me as important as i hold them, well, maybe except for my mother.. but she's got her husband. but everyone has other reasons to distance themselves from me.
and people tell me cave time isn't good? well, cave time is the only thing that keeps me from going absolutely mad, from the every moment reminder that i am more alone than i was in august, that i am less important than i was before the campaign.
i hurt so bad.
i just want the first of august back. i am so angry, so frustrated, so stuck. i want it all gone. i want that baba yaga erased from my memory. i want everything attached to her gone, with no reminders that she was ever here.
this is where i turn to my higher power? if the baba yaga were gone, i wouldn't be dealing with that. instead i'd probably be happily planning some great civil disobedience because of the damn presidential election. i'd be watching the weather underground for happy inspiration.
instead i'm stuck, here. trying to piece together what is left in the shreds of my life. i hate this.
i want august 1 back. i want it back. i hate that campaign. i hate that campaign. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it.
and now, now i just want to stop crying and get to sleep.
Posted by brooke at 02:33 AM
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Monday, 29 November 04
first try, a success
i'm dealing with something i don't want to deal with, really. a personal lack of faith of sorts. anyhow, i don't want to go into that..
but what i will go into is that i called my sponsor for the first time during a crisis. yes, my sponsor. i was crying and going to and from the computer, trying to find comfort, and i decided to call her.
i only asked her a week ago. i asked her cause she and i frequent the same meetings, she's terribly nice, and compassionate. i have a hard time trusting people, so it wasn't an easy ask. and since i asked her i'd barely seen her.
so, i called. and she answered. my excuse for calling was to set up a meeting with her. i'm feeling rather stuck and so i want to get together with her and just go over the work i've done. after we set that up, she asked how i was, and i said not good. so we talked. and it helped. and she was glad i talked to her.
it feels good? to have a sponsor? i dunno.. but its good to have someone to call in times of psychic crisis. because, essientally, everyone else has decided it would be best to keep their distance. thanks.
*agh*
anyhow, i also dashed an email off to my friend s, hopefully she and i will get together sometime really soon. i also looked up flights t iowa, but things are too expensive (yes, lisa, i *was* going to run it by you ;-). at some point i need to go to iowa instead of just flying over. i also checked out trips to afghanistan and iran. global exchange does tours to those places.. wouldn't it be great to go to afghanistan?? if i were to get a part time job, i could pay for the trip. *sigh* i might just have too. cause it would be a trip of a lifetime.. far more than anything else i've done. plus, i need something to look forward too. but would it be worth spending most of my savings on?
i also had 5 shots of coconut rum. good stuff.. kinda like nyquil.. :P unfortunately i don't get drunk anymore these days. (relax! a) i had them over 2.5 hours and b) its the first time in 6 years, and i don't plan to make a habit.. when i'm 37 i'll do it again.)
on that note, i'm outta here.
Posted by brooke at 10:45 PM
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whats on the ipod?
cause i don't have much to say, though every day i think hard.. and after meetings i sometimes thing 'hmm.. this is blogworthy' but by the time i'm home i always think differently..
anyhow..
i stole this from various sources..
1. Open up the music player on your computer.
2. Set it to play your entire music collection.
3. Hit the "shuffle" command.
4. Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarrassing. It's time for total musical honesty. You can put the list in the comment thread, or write it up in your blog or journal and then post a link in the comments.
5. If you get the same artist twice, you may skip the second (or third, or etc.) occurances. You don't have to, but since randomness could mean you end up with a list of ten song with five artists, you can if you'd like.
on my itunes shuffle:
1. Choctaw Hayride, Alison Krauss & Union Station, New Favorite
2. I am a Rock, Simon & Garfunkel, Greatest Hits
3. Wild Montana Skies (Duet w/ Emmylou Harris), John Denver, Various
4. Never Say Die, Dixie Chicks, Wide Open Spaces
5. Jerusalem, Steve Earle, Jerusalem
6. I Ain't Marching Any More, Arlo Guthrie, Various
7. Simon Zealots, Various, Jesus Christ Superstar: A Resurrection
8. To Bobby, Joan Baez, Various
9. Morning Has Broken, Cat Stevens, Remember: The Ultimate Collection
10. I'm So Afraid, Fleetwood Mac, Fleetwood Mac
what's on yours?
Posted by brooke at 04:06 PM
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Thursday, 25 November 04
high, on food.
so, i never ever ever have to eat again.
my dinner was soo good. and my company, just as.
the day started with a ritual, over at p and g's house. all of us sat in a circle and said what we were thankful for. i finally got to tell g much i'm thankful for everything he's done for me.. he's done so much, and a year ago.. a year ago i spent this holiday alone.. this year.. anyhow, he didn't respond, but that's his way.. i'll ask p later how it sounded, if i went overboard..
then we headed over to p's brother's house. such good food!
and now i'm home. i came home a bit early, cause i ate waaay too much and didn't feel too good. first time i've ever done that.
anyhow.
it feels good to be out of the closet here, and to be able to write more interesting tidbits.
not a lot going on tommorrow, though i need to get working on the calc website, and i should type up the phone list from the friday meeting. i'm gonna call various family members, cause i didn't do it today, and maybe hop over to circuit city, cause i'm in the need for a new gadget (though i can't afford it, and what i really want is a laptop that works and that is definetly not in the cards for anytime soon). i think i'll also call e cause i want to see if she's got time next week to get together and talk and knit. and lastly tommorrow night i've got a meeting. i like the friday night meeting.. and hopefully the person who i hope is my sponsor (i think we left things kind of not sure) will be there so i can say 'yes, i'll do it your way' and really firm that up.
okay, time to go let my stomach settle more.
Posted by brooke at 07:49 PM
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thankful
x-posted to my livejournal
so, yeah.. its thanksgiving.. what am i thankful for?
- my friends p, g, and t. they have welcomed me into their home and hearts. if i can't spend the day with my family, they are a great substitute.
- my family
- my nephew, j. cause he's the cutest baby in all the world.
- my friends p & m. cause they are the cutest couple in all the world
- the peace & justice community in eugene, oregon
- the crazy liberals who live in east lane county
- my cats
- all those crazy progressives all around the country who know what is right, and wrong.
- paris, france
- baja, mexico
- the whales in laguna de san ignacio
- my friend e
- the bird woman i saw outside of notre dame
- medea benjamin
- johns kerry and edwards, for giving us hope.
- andrea ortiz
- kitty piercy
- the net
- goodwill, cause i get so many good, cheap clothes there.
- bookstores
- the people at sandra's backpacker hostel in thurso, scotland
- that crazy irish woman i spent an hour talking to on the train to thurso
- brian, in co. tipperary, who despite his wife's moodiness, made me feel welcome.
- my bike, even though i'm not riding it a lot these days.
- those crazy al-anonies, and the alkies that created them.
- the unitarian universalists
- my friend lisa, in leon, iowa.
- my mother's cheesebread
Posted by brooke at 11:23 AM
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Wednesday, 24 November 04
my story.
i used to write about my depression here. i used to write about it a lot.. but i stopped.. but these days, recovering from my illness is what my life is all about. interesting antedotes, maybe some helpful tidbits, but really my way to get out of the closet, cause i really hate the closet.
disclaimer to my parents: i'm gonna start writing about my illness again, you might not want to come back here.. and even though i write about it, doesn't mean its up for discussion.. if you wanna ask, ask, but know that i might not answer.. instead i recommend brooke lite: my livejournal, aka rivervision
the short version of my story for those newbies: i've been suffering from depression for, goddess, my whole life, a long time. i've been diagnosed with treatment resistant severe depression.. in that i don't respond to treatment. 22 different drugs, nada. i've done counseling, it's helped some. 2.5 years ago i was forced to leave work. my plan was to recover in 2 years and get back to work..
that gets y'all up to august.
in august i was hired to work on a campaign 20 hours a week. i thought it would be a great opportunity. i would make money and get to pad my resume some.. and being that i was working for the guy who was supposed to win, i could add another win to my election resume (i helped to run a successful city council campaign in the primary). and the plus was that i was feeling good. i knew what i was getting myself into, i was going to be able to work 20 hours and move towards going back to work full time.
that didn't happen.
what happened instead was that around the middle of august i started to get sick again (thats how i refer to it when my depression is getting bad). i wasn't sure what to do.. and thats where e comes into the story.
when e and i first met, i didn't like her. but the second time we met, i liked her. i wouldn't have known it from meeting her, but she and i have a lot in common. one day when we were in the office alone i decided i needed to tell her my situation, being on social security and all, since we were working so close.
to make a long story short, after i told e my situation we started to connect.. i turned to e when i realized i was getting sick and she told me to go to my doc and start meds again. i'm now taking cymbalta, a brand new drug.
but it hasn't helped fully.
in october things continued to go downhill for me. i continued to turn to e, because she and i were working so close together, she understood the stresses i was under. plus, it felt comfortable to talk to her. e started telling me about alcoholics anonymous.
now, i'm not an alcoholic, but the stuff they got going there isn't just for alkies. the 12 steps are for everyone... and by the middle of october i started to realize that there might be something to all the stuff e was telling me, that she might just be right. and plus, after working with and spending time with e, i saw that what she has emotionally, i want. and if the 12 step program is what got her there, dammit, it can't hurt to try.
on the 28th of october, after a really really really crappy day, i walked into al-anon for the first time. e was my ticket in.
Posted by brooke at 09:36 PM
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natalie goldberg
ooohhh!! my very very very favorite author, natalie goldberg, has a new book out! and its on the topic i'm reading a lot about these days.. spirituality! The Great Failure : A Bartender, A Monk, and My Unlikely Path to Truth .. isn't that a great title? i reread 'Long Quiet Highway: Waking up in America' a couple of weeks ago.. i've read that book so many times, i never thought i'd get as much out of it as i did when i read it last.. i'm so excited.. must get the book, soon!
Posted by brooke at 01:45 PM
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aww fuck..
i have come to the conclusion that i have raised codependant cats. yes, codependant in all its glorious mess.. :P
right now i have 1 sitting on either side of my computer screen. i have another wanting in my lap.. and the 4th (smudge) is not far away..
Posted by brooke at 01:25 PM
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Tuesday, 23 November 04
i should post
i should put a post here for my very few readers. i had one nearly done yesterday, but my computer shut off when smudge walked by.
life is moving along here in eugene. i'm going to activist meetings. eugene is starting to organize. lots of stuff going on in and around town.. i'm doing thanksgiving with my friends g and p and p's family, who i adore.. that will be nice and fun. i'm knitting some.. but not a lot.
more later.
Posted by brooke at 10:38 AM
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Tuesday, 16 November 04
psychic energy, higher power, and activism.
my psychic energy has been terribly low these days.. i mean, really, incredibly, badly low. since the election i've been in 'healing' mode.. i've not been in any sort of space to go out and organize to save the world.. after all, i just gave my heart and soul to try to save it through the, flawed, electoral process. my efforts didn't pay off, so along with just being emotionally worn out, i'm rather discouraged.
since the election my friends and collegues have started to rally. i've been to a couple of meetings, but i've only been. when the idea of taking something on, any small task whatsoever, my mind goes into 'rejection' mode.. in that 'if you ask me to do *anything* i'm likely to get all snippy with you, so really, just bug off.' it hasn't been a pleasant mode of mind, no, it hasn't.
what i have been doing lately is seeking out the spiritual side of things. i started this during the campaign, and my seeking has only grown. i joined the unitarian universalist church, officially, on sunday. that felt great. really, wonderful. i can walk into that church now and say 'i belong' and no one can tell me otherwise. i've been working on another path also, another spiritual path.
my friend r invited me to the social concerns committee at the uu church. r is a great organizer, a good woman. i've been wanting to work with her for awhile. so i skipped the justice not war steering committee meeting and went. i was just going to listen, not do anything.. but when something came up, r looked at me.. and i didn't get this 'if you ask me to do *anything* i'm likely to get all snippy with you, so really, just bug off.' feeling at all.. i ended up volunteering to help, without feeling overwhelmed.
i concluded something. i concluded that right now i need to work on my spiritual path. that if there is something i can do to help change the world that works through that spiritual path, i'll help. yeah, if i can go and be around people who are working on the same thing, if i can spend time in spaces that i feel safe and comfortable, my lack of psychic energy is not as big a deal.. because the support is there. the support from the people, the space, and the higher power.
yes, the higher power. i'm a unitarian universalist.. my higher power is not just one energy.. i spent one night recently defining it.. i believe that all the higher powers of all the world's religion exist. i believe that they have vastly different energies, and yet there is room for them to all exist. i have spent time talking to different ones since i started this. it feels totally natural, totally real, and very right.
so, yeah. if i'm doing the work in a spiritual community, then the psychic support is built in, from the top of the universe to the bottom (however one might define that space)/ i feel i can handle it.. it feels right.
Posted by brooke at 09:30 PM
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Thursday, 11 November 04
joining the uu on sunday
its official.. i just talked to my new minister! new minister.. isn't that cool? i'm joining the unitarian universalist church of eugene on sunday. !!! i'm becoming a member of a religous community on sunday! second time ever. whoah. its official. i'm so excited.
Posted by brooke at 12:23 PM
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funny.
oooh.. i needed this laugh tonight. enjoy :)
fuck the south. yes, even though i'm from the south, i've got northeast blood rushing through me.. and yeah. i now live and work in a blue state.
Posted by brooke at 12:23 AM
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Tuesday, 9 November 04
ashcroft resigns!
hot damn!
Ashcroft,Evans Resign From Bush Cabinet
that fucker is gone!!!!! yeah! whoohoo!
maybe this time around congress will listen to our protests.
Posted by brooke at 04:35 PM
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i suppose i should update..
i suppose i should update this space. to be honest, i don't know how many readers i have.. i don't track any sort of user statistics.. i don't look at logs..
i started blogging 4 years ago on election day. i haven't mentioned that. that was a LONG time ago. i had the successful beginnings of a career, i was working on a successful campaign, i was relatively sane. the only thing we lost that year was the presidential race.. but as everyone reminds me, we didn't really loose. it got stolen.
amazing what changes in 4 years. amazing how much can. amazing how much did. in both my personal life, and the world at large.
i am not the person i was 4 years ago. i have changed in one way i never thought i would. i have been down paths i never imagined possible.. i have been down paths i never wanted too, paths i would never ever want anyone else too.
the last year and a half leading up to this election gave me lots of hope.
the peace rallies of last year.. the millions and millions of people who came out to say NO to george and his war machine.. you could feel the energy vibrating every where you went. you could sense that the people wanted change. you could sense that the world wanted something better.
then the work of the bill of rights defense committees. the fact that congress did a 180 degree change in 9 months, going from being gung ho about the patriot act to introducing legislation clamping down on its powers. my congressman told us, that doesn't happen.
then the may primaries here in eugene. that we took our city back from the pro development, anti-people people. i know that eugene is viewed ast this liberal city in this liberal county in this liberal state.. but we have enough republicans to have had a republican mayor for as long as most people can remember, and a republican representing a large part of eugene on the county commission. that we now have a progressive mayor and city council is no easy feat.
i had hope. yes, and i had every reason to have it. i had every reason that the administration who called millions of protestors a focus group would get voted out.
but now.
i don't have the energy. i don't have the psychic energy to fight. i keep going back to the words focus group. if millions upon millions of people all over the country and the world are just a focus group... and if tom delay can weild as much power over the country that he does.. and if people vote for george because they are scared..
can we really start a mass rebellion? can we really change things? the normal channels just aren't working. the protests, the visits to congress, the working on elections.. god dammit. its not working.
look at this past election. god dammit. we lost. yes, we lost from the top to the bottom. so many good progressives out there working.. and we fucking lost.
is buidling coalitions going to work? is protesting? signing petitions? fuck. is it going to work?
the usual suspects can't be the only participants. it'll only work if we get ALL of the 45 million people who voted for kerry to get off their asses and help us out. the usual suspects, we can't do this alone anymore. folks like my mom and dad, aunt and uncle, brother and sister in law.. those folks who truly care but aren't out on the front lines -- for whatever reasons- need to be there with us. they won't listen to the usual suspects anymore. they've heard us, they are tired of us.
i have a meeting tonight, a steering committee meeting of justice not war. i'm glad to go to see my friends. i simply adore this group of activists. no one in the group is overly anal.. we're pretty laid back. we do things in our own time and get shit done. but, to be honest.. i don't know what we'll come up with that we've not come up with already. and how to get our voices heard beyond eugene? we're preaching to the choir in so many instances here in eugene.
anyhow. i might have more hope afterwards, after the meeting. i certainly hope so. and i just emailed some folks in the rural areas to see whats happening out there.
*sigh*
what else?
i don't post much about my personal life here. my personal life isn't up for public fodder anymore. it used to be, but when my personal life exploded and folks started posting not such nice comments i realized i wasn't bullet proof, that the comments here did affect me, so i decided to reign in my life. i decided to reign in whats happening on other fronts.
i do have stuff going on. lots of stuff going on on the personal side of things. one particularly huge thing. but its intensely personal.. some of my friends know.. but not many. hmm.. actually, maybe, one or 2, oh wait.. yeah, 4.. and only one of them knows all the sticky details. because, simply, it is that personal. and i'd love to write about it here.. because i think it might help others.. but, again, that risk is too great to take. so, i'm not taking it.
okay. there's the update. i must go work on my personal life.
Posted by brooke at 01:10 PM
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Saturday, 6 November 04
the good news, and the bad news
the bad news..
its 5am, and i'm awake. i didn't need to be awake for another 3 hours.
the good news..
i checked my bank account, and i can afford the $20.00 i spent on yarn yesterday... thats good.. but unfortunately the $20.00 bought me barely enough to make a hat. i'm such a snob.
Posted by brooke at 05:00 AM
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Thursday, 4 November 04
my first hat!
i just finished my first hat! i'm so jazzed. my friends p and e both told me how to work with the double pointed needles before i did it, but today i did it.. transferred from my circular to the double and finished it!
see?
and the top.. (with smudge)
i'm jazzed that the colours in the yarn came up just to finish it just like it did, with the gold at top.
Posted by brooke at 02:22 PM
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fuck it.
oooh.. i was going to type up this touchy feely meditation that i got at the rally/vigil/ whatever you want to call it, tonight.. but fuck.
no more fucking touchy feely, give me hope crap.
this sucks. this just sucks. george w. bush sucks.. and i sent him an email telling him i hated him..
fuck. i am numb. i was going to be numb after the election anyways because of all that i have poured into it, because of all that it has taken from me.. JUST THE FUCKING PROCESS TO WIN..
but now. now, i'm handed *this* on a platter.
my candidate looses (don hampton for east lane county commissioner), the ever incredible bev fisek for state representative looses, they pass measure 36 - the constitutional ban on queer marriage - not just in oregon, but holy jezzus fuck, it hit close to home-- fucking lane county passed it, lane county NEVER passes that hateful shit. god damn, and i thought i was in this little liberal mecca where the votes of eugene on an issue like this would make up for the rest of the fucking county..
but no.
oh, and btw.. for a little rant on the county commissioners.. now that i'm done with that.. so, the lane county commissioners screwed over the queers.. back in march, when the the commissioners had a chance to do something really cool and start issuing licenses to queer couples, they decided to talk to their lawyers. jeezus fuck, yeah, fuck.. queer marriage IS an issue that they deal with, and yes, pete sorenson, i think you are overall a great guy, but y'all chickened out on this one. HUGE. you could have made a stand, sacrificed don (and maybe even bobby!) for the good of the people, issued those licenses till all that crap to stop issuing them came from the state. but instead, you stood in line with the lawyers, and now all 5 of you get to stand in line with the over 50% of voters in lane county who voted for the amendment. and remember, faye kinda sucks on human rights issues. coulda done something noble, but chickened out. remember, this is lane county, this is eugene, we don't hate.. but, apparently we like to politic with people's lives as much as anyone else does.. and then ask for their money to run a campaign. fuckers.
okay.. back to my original topic..
so, yeah. i'm handed all this crap, this day of despair in everyone's eyes.. oooh.. you all should have seen eugene today. like a fucking bomb went off. the devastation throughout this country because of what happened last night. *sigh* its overwhelming.
to hear the voices of my parents on the phone feeling helpess, to be parenting them for once.. to see the faces of my friends and collegues in the activist business. one friend, my mentor of sorts, he doesn't get up early.. he was up wednesday morning at 6am. i don't like seeing that. and another friend.. oh, my friend.. so.. just. oh. my friend.. so much hurt in your eyes when i saw you.
and there i was babbling on about accepting the things we cannot change.
well fuck. i don't know if i can accept this crap. and its so huge i don't know if i have the wisdom to know the difference between that that i can change and that that i can't. dammit.
i'm tired. and right now i don't have the energy to do crap. my dishes haven't been done in 2 freakin' weeks. my house is a WRECK. luckily the cat box is emptied..
i don't have the psychic energy to jump back into it so soon. no, nothing. i haven't slept in weeks.. see.. should be asleep, hormones have taken a hold of my immune system, and my pms treat this month -- a cold.. goody. i'm all foggy headed and snotty (in the literal and figurative sense), and tired.. damn tired. and i can't fucking sleep.
what has happened in this country is a disgrace. stupid stupid people.. lambs to slaughter i tell ya. lambs to slaughter. at least i got my eyes open, i can see the slaughter coming.. but i'm in denial about what is ahead. its to overwhelming.
fuck, my personal life was going to be enough for me. and now this?? oh holy shit, just institionalize me now.. or send me to canada.
*sigh*
this sucks.
have i mentioned how tired i am?
Posted by brooke at 12:59 AM
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Wednesday, 3 November 04
my mother.
yeah, dig-it. this is what my mother sent me this morning:
Kiddos, barring a miracle, looks like righteousness and arrogance will prevail. I am pretty much dysfunctional right now, but life must go on. I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of all of you for being such caring, unselfish, fair-minded, reasonable adults, reflected in many ways in your daily lives, but also in your hopes for the country.
Personally, I've never been more proud to be a liberal.
no, she's not perfect.. but goddess.. you gotta appreciate the woman's dedication to what is right and just.
Posted by brooke at 09:23 AM
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FUCK.
fuck lane county. fuck oregon. fuck this country.
hateful, stupid bastards. hateful, stupid bastards. hateful, stupid bastards. hateful, stupid bastards. all of them.
okay. now that i got that out..
god, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Posted by brooke at 01:26 AM
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Monday, 1 November 04
public service announcement.
on the eve of the election.. i bring you this public service announcement.. courtesy of the oregon bus project.
Posted by brooke at 06:28 AM
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