rivervision - since election day of 2000.

Thursday, 4 November 04 :: fuck it.

oooh.. i was going to type up this touchy feely meditation that i got at the rally/vigil/ whatever you want to call it, tonight.. but fuck.

no more fucking touchy feely, give me hope crap.

this sucks. this just sucks. george w. bush sucks.. and i sent him an email telling him i hated him..

fuck. i am numb. i was going to be numb after the election anyways because of all that i have poured into it, because of all that it has taken from me.. JUST THE FUCKING PROCESS TO WIN..

but now. now, i'm handed *this* on a platter.

my candidate looses (don hampton for east lane county commissioner), the ever incredible bev fisek for state representative looses, they pass measure 36 - the constitutional ban on queer marriage - not just in oregon, but holy jezzus fuck, it hit close to home-- fucking lane county passed it, lane county NEVER passes that hateful shit. god damn, and i thought i was in this little liberal mecca where the votes of eugene on an issue like this would make up for the rest of the fucking county..

but no.

oh, and btw.. for a little rant on the county commissioners.. now that i'm done with that.. so, the lane county commissioners screwed over the queers.. back in march, when the the commissioners had a chance to do something really cool and start issuing licenses to queer couples, they decided to talk to their lawyers. jeezus fuck, yeah, fuck.. queer marriage IS an issue that they deal with, and yes, pete sorenson, i think you are overall a great guy, but y'all chickened out on this one. HUGE. you could have made a stand, sacrificed don (and maybe even bobby!) for the good of the people, issued those licenses till all that crap to stop issuing them came from the state. but instead, you stood in line with the lawyers, and now all 5 of you get to stand in line with the over 50% of voters in lane county who voted for the amendment. and remember, faye kinda sucks on human rights issues. coulda done something noble, but chickened out. remember, this is lane county, this is eugene, we don't hate.. but, apparently we like to politic with people's lives as much as anyone else does.. and then ask for their money to run a campaign. fuckers.

okay.. back to my original topic..

so, yeah. i'm handed all this crap, this day of despair in everyone's eyes.. oooh.. you all should have seen eugene today. like a fucking bomb went off. the devastation throughout this country because of what happened last night. *sigh* its overwhelming.

to hear the voices of my parents on the phone feeling helpess, to be parenting them for once.. to see the faces of my friends and collegues in the activist business. one friend, my mentor of sorts, he doesn't get up early.. he was up wednesday morning at 6am. i don't like seeing that. and another friend.. oh, my friend.. so.. just. oh. my friend.. so much hurt in your eyes when i saw you.

and there i was babbling on about accepting the things we cannot change.

well fuck. i don't know if i can accept this crap. and its so huge i don't know if i have the wisdom to know the difference between that that i can change and that that i can't. dammit.

i'm tired. and right now i don't have the energy to do crap. my dishes haven't been done in 2 freakin' weeks. my house is a WRECK. luckily the cat box is emptied..

i don't have the psychic energy to jump back into it so soon. no, nothing. i haven't slept in weeks.. see.. should be asleep, hormones have taken a hold of my immune system, and my pms treat this month -- a cold.. goody. i'm all foggy headed and snotty (in the literal and figurative sense), and tired.. damn tired. and i can't fucking sleep.

what has happened in this country is a disgrace. stupid stupid people.. lambs to slaughter i tell ya. lambs to slaughter. at least i got my eyes open, i can see the slaughter coming.. but i'm in denial about what is ahead. its to overwhelming.

fuck, my personal life was going to be enough for me. and now this?? oh holy shit, just institionalize me now.. or send me to canada.

*sigh*

this sucks.

have i mentioned how tired i am?

posted by brooke at November 4, 2004 12:59 AM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.