« natalie goldberg |
home
| thankful »
Wednesday, 24 November 04 ::
my story.
i used to write about my depression here. i used to write about it a lot.. but i stopped.. but these days, recovering from my illness is what my life is all about. interesting antedotes, maybe some helpful tidbits, but really my way to get out of the closet, cause i really hate the closet.
disclaimer to my parents: i'm gonna start writing about my illness again, you might not want to come back here.. and even though i write about it, doesn't mean its up for discussion.. if you wanna ask, ask, but know that i might not answer.. instead i recommend brooke lite: my livejournal, aka rivervision
the short version of my story for those newbies: i've been suffering from depression for, goddess, my whole life, a long time. i've been diagnosed with treatment resistant severe depression.. in that i don't respond to treatment. 22 different drugs, nada. i've done counseling, it's helped some. 2.5 years ago i was forced to leave work. my plan was to recover in 2 years and get back to work..
that gets y'all up to august.
in august i was hired to work on a campaign 20 hours a week. i thought it would be a great opportunity. i would make money and get to pad my resume some.. and being that i was working for the guy who was supposed to win, i could add another win to my election resume (i helped to run a successful city council campaign in the primary). and the plus was that i was feeling good. i knew what i was getting myself into, i was going to be able to work 20 hours and move towards going back to work full time.
that didn't happen.
what happened instead was that around the middle of august i started to get sick again (thats how i refer to it when my depression is getting bad). i wasn't sure what to do.. and thats where e comes into the story.
when e and i first met, i didn't like her. but the second time we met, i liked her. i wouldn't have known it from meeting her, but she and i have a lot in common. one day when we were in the office alone i decided i needed to tell her my situation, being on social security and all, since we were working so close.
to make a long story short, after i told e my situation we started to connect.. i turned to e when i realized i was getting sick and she told me to go to my doc and start meds again. i'm now taking cymbalta, a brand new drug.
but it hasn't helped fully.
in october things continued to go downhill for me. i continued to turn to e, because she and i were working so close together, she understood the stresses i was under. plus, it felt comfortable to talk to her. e started telling me about alcoholics anonymous.
now, i'm not an alcoholic, but the stuff they got going there isn't just for alkies. the 12 steps are for everyone... and by the middle of october i started to realize that there might be something to all the stuff e was telling me, that she might just be right. and plus, after working with and spending time with e, i saw that what she has emotionally, i want. and if the 12 step program is what got her there, dammit, it can't hurt to try.
on the 28th of october, after a really really really crappy day, i walked into al-anon for the first time. e was my ticket in.
posted by brooke at November 24, 2004 09:36 PM
