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Tuesday, 9 November 04 ::
i suppose i should update..
i suppose i should update this space. to be honest, i don't know how many readers i have.. i don't track any sort of user statistics.. i don't look at logs..
i started blogging 4 years ago on election day. i haven't mentioned that. that was a LONG time ago. i had the successful beginnings of a career, i was working on a successful campaign, i was relatively sane. the only thing we lost that year was the presidential race.. but as everyone reminds me, we didn't really loose. it got stolen.
amazing what changes in 4 years. amazing how much can. amazing how much did. in both my personal life, and the world at large.
i am not the person i was 4 years ago. i have changed in one way i never thought i would. i have been down paths i never imagined possible.. i have been down paths i never wanted too, paths i would never ever want anyone else too.
the last year and a half leading up to this election gave me lots of hope.
the peace rallies of last year.. the millions and millions of people who came out to say NO to george and his war machine.. you could feel the energy vibrating every where you went. you could sense that the people wanted change. you could sense that the world wanted something better.
then the work of the bill of rights defense committees. the fact that congress did a 180 degree change in 9 months, going from being gung ho about the patriot act to introducing legislation clamping down on its powers. my congressman told us, that doesn't happen.
then the may primaries here in eugene. that we took our city back from the pro development, anti-people people. i know that eugene is viewed ast this liberal city in this liberal county in this liberal state.. but we have enough republicans to have had a republican mayor for as long as most people can remember, and a republican representing a large part of eugene on the county commission. that we now have a progressive mayor and city council is no easy feat.
i had hope. yes, and i had every reason to have it. i had every reason that the administration who called millions of protestors a focus group would get voted out.
but now.
i don't have the energy. i don't have the psychic energy to fight. i keep going back to the words focus group. if millions upon millions of people all over the country and the world are just a focus group... and if tom delay can weild as much power over the country that he does.. and if people vote for george because they are scared..
can we really start a mass rebellion? can we really change things? the normal channels just aren't working. the protests, the visits to congress, the working on elections.. god dammit. its not working.
look at this past election. god dammit. we lost. yes, we lost from the top to the bottom. so many good progressives out there working.. and we fucking lost.
is buidling coalitions going to work? is protesting? signing petitions? fuck. is it going to work?
the usual suspects can't be the only participants. it'll only work if we get ALL of the 45 million people who voted for kerry to get off their asses and help us out. the usual suspects, we can't do this alone anymore. folks like my mom and dad, aunt and uncle, brother and sister in law.. those folks who truly care but aren't out on the front lines -- for whatever reasons- need to be there with us. they won't listen to the usual suspects anymore. they've heard us, they are tired of us.
i have a meeting tonight, a steering committee meeting of justice not war. i'm glad to go to see my friends. i simply adore this group of activists. no one in the group is overly anal.. we're pretty laid back. we do things in our own time and get shit done. but, to be honest.. i don't know what we'll come up with that we've not come up with already. and how to get our voices heard beyond eugene? we're preaching to the choir in so many instances here in eugene.
anyhow. i might have more hope afterwards, after the meeting. i certainly hope so. and i just emailed some folks in the rural areas to see whats happening out there.
*sigh*
what else?
i don't post much about my personal life here. my personal life isn't up for public fodder anymore. it used to be, but when my personal life exploded and folks started posting not such nice comments i realized i wasn't bullet proof, that the comments here did affect me, so i decided to reign in my life. i decided to reign in whats happening on other fronts.
i do have stuff going on. lots of stuff going on on the personal side of things. one particularly huge thing. but its intensely personal.. some of my friends know.. but not many. hmm.. actually, maybe, one or 2, oh wait.. yeah, 4.. and only one of them knows all the sticky details. because, simply, it is that personal. and i'd love to write about it here.. because i think it might help others.. but, again, that risk is too great to take. so, i'm not taking it.
okay. there's the update. i must go work on my personal life.
posted by brooke at November 9, 2004 01:10 PM
You have at least one reader. :-) Sorry to hear that you have things going on that involve sticky details.
As for politics, remember--"This, too, shall pass."
Hope may return after grieving...
posted by: Dan at November 9, 2004 09:23 PM
