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sadaam

I'm not sure why I'm so bothered by the death of Sadaam Hussein. I know he did some awful awful things, but when I've looked at the pictures of him on tv, recent pictures, the idea of putting him to death just sickened me. In the pictures I've not seen a dictator, what I have seen is a broken down old man. I'm not sure why those feelings have been so strong, because i know they certainly don't have to do with the hypocrisy of the situation. What it is is seeing the humanity of the man, and listening to a world speak not of peace but of vengeance. And all the western worlds' hatred is / was directed at one man.

We just finished a period of celebrating a man who loved everyone. On a lot of cards that celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ the word Peace is found. All over the world people celebrate his birth, and yet there seems to be a deep disregard to some of his most important teachings.

Here is one of my most favourite sections of the bible (yes, i've been known to read the Bible. Interesting, and good stuff, in there):

St. Matthew 5:1-17
And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him:
And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, cfor my sake.
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.
Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.

And I understand that - there are stories of war in the bible, that people are imperfect, but for a world that preaches wanting peace, we certainly don't do a very good job of it, at least I don't think we do.

I find it very frustrating that as humans we seem bound and determined to ignore the pieces in the teachings of the religions of the world that bring us together. Rather it seems that we are bound and determined to hold on to the pieces that keep us separated.

What is it that we are getting from the death of Sadaam Hussein? How is this world a better place because someone has died? How have the lives of those who he's destroyed been made better? I can't answer that, but from my vantage point it doesn't seem as though great healing of the heart can come from someone else's death.

If I were blessed enough to have children old enough to understand what is going on right now I would not let them watch the news right now. I wouldn't want them learning the lessons that this is how we solve problems, how we treat people. I want them learning other lessons. Instead I'd put on a movie about Gandhi, or Dr. King. I would want my children to learn that we can solve problems without hitting, without vengeance.

I know that I am guilty of everything I've written here. It is difficult to move into love when someone has acted in ways that are abominable. It's not our instinct. It's not the easy way to handle things.

Posted by brooke at 09:42 AM | comments (0)

my favourite xmas gift (the hat, not the cat)

okay, besides the macbook i gave myself. my friend preston made it for me. its great -- tight enough that its warm, but loose enough so its comfy. and green is my current favourite colour as well!

thank you my friend. :)

Posted by brooke at 11:07 PM | comments (0)

lets face it

the holidays suck. i mean, absolutely suck. especially if you are 33, nearly 34, and single.

i've been holding my breath since thanksgiving waiting for this 'holiday period' to be over. its nearly over, and yet i'm still in the middle of the holiday doldrums.

no, i did not go back east. why? because i couldn't deal with being back there pretending i'm all happy and shit that i'm with family, when inside my insides would have been twisting and turning.

so, i stayed here in logan. and spent the holidays with new friends and their families. and while it was incredibly kind of all of them to welcome me in the multitude of homes, and yes, i was incredibly humbled when i found out that there was a gift for me under one of the trees, i'm not going to pretend it wasn't hard as hell to be surrounded by people who have what i want. my greatest sorrow in life and i was surrounded by it for 3 days.

and now i'm back in logan and thinking about all the people i'm supposed to be grateful are in my life, and i'll be honest, i'm not thrilled about any of them in this moment.

i'm actually still in the midst of my bitterness. one thing i commented on over the holiday to my friends was that i'd never been invited to spend christmas with any friends in eugene. yes, that was different. and it was an extremely sad thing to realize. over the last semester i've always brought up their pictures during the hard moments, knowing that there were people who loved me, but i'm feeling rather bitter about the relationships right now. its amazing how much the whole 'out of sight out of mind' thing feels right now.

and to top my bitterness off, i had a difficult conversation with a member of my family. something has to change in that relationship. i'm not going to pretend that things are fine between us, and i'm also not going to subject myself to taking the brunt of feelings that i don't deserve to take the brunt of. at some point people need to realize that they too need to work on themselves, at some point people need to understand that there are two people in every relationship and that everyone has a piece in misunderstandings. i've got too much shit going on in my own life, and to visit that person the one time i go back east a year is rather a pain. i'm not one for dancing around difficult relationships, i'm not one to pretend that things are just dandy between me and another person. its not my style. i am learning i may have to do that with work collegues, but i'm certainly not going to do it with a member of my own family.

yes, as you can tell, this holiday has been difficult. i don't want to be one to predict into the future, but i imagine that each holiday that i'm single from now on will only get harder.

*sigh*

i've got to go register my car in utah. i hate the fact that i'll no longer be able to vote in oregon, but if i ever need to pay tuition in utah i'd rather it be instate than out of state.

Posted by brooke at 10:16 AM | comments (0)

Merry Xmas (War is Over)

c John Lennon

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas (War is over)
For weak and for strong (If you want it)
For rich and the poor ones (War is over)
The world is so wrong (Now)
And so Happy Christmas (War is over)
For black and for white (If you want it)
For yellow and red ones (War is over)
Let's stop all the fight (Now)

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas (War is over)
And what have we done (If you want it)
Another year over (War is over)
And a new one just begun (Now)
And so Happy Christmas (War is over)
I hope you have fun (If you want it)
The near and the dear one (War is over)
The old and the young (Now)

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

War is over if you want it
War is over now

Posted by brooke at 12:51 AM | comments (0)

what is war?

During his first two weeks back, my brother, the demolitions expert, plied me with photos of the carnage and mayhem wreaked by his platoon. Fifteen memory cards worth of bizarre and disturbing photos – half-naked soldiers dancing in the desert, a severed goat’s head in a noose, Marines dressed in traditional women’s clothing found following a house raid.

go read the rest of the story.

Posted by brooke at 01:24 PM | comments (0)

i gotta remember to hold on, and

Posted by brooke at 11:50 PM | comments (0)

Yes.

I got a B+ in my very very difficult 6570 class; educational research methods. That class is a prereq for all my other research methods classes, except for quantitative methods 2 - of which 6600 (quant 1) is a pre-req for.

i seriously did not think I would get a B in that class. i did miserable on the midterm and at that point i thought i would need to retake the class.

i'm too tired to be way jazzed, and i had a feeling i would do fine, but to see it up on my screen is a relief.

Posted by brooke at 06:33 AM | comments (0)

wish i'd caught this sooner

my friend sandee needs prayers. she's battling cancer, and it may have spread to her brain. darn it. darn it. darn it.

oh, sweet sandee - how did it go? what were the results? i'll put you at the top of my prayers.

:)

Posted by brooke at 04:44 PM | comments (0)

See?!?

from the Eugene Weekly today:
Meanwhile, we're happy to see Sen. Ben Westlund making a graceful transition from Republican to independent to Democrat. Will others follow?

See! Darn democrats of Oregon. I have a Ben Westlund for Governor sticker on the back of my car (right under my Pete Sorenson for Gov). But no.. everyone told me "How can you do that? He's really a republican" BS. See?!? Ben Westlund would have made SUCH a better governor of Oregon than Ted. And YES I voted for Ted in the general. Why? Because I had this stupid idea he might loose. *roll eyes* I should have followed my heart and wrote in Ben. (yes, I love Pete, really, but he lost in the primary and Ben was who I was supporting in the general).

note to self: listen to your gut.

Posted by brooke at 09:58 PM | comments (0)

Joey

Joey - my mother's beloved border collie friend for so many years. 1992 - 2006.

Godspeed to you sweet dog.

Posted by brooke at 08:42 AM | comments (0)

one nice thing about a terminal degree program

all i need to get in all my classes is a B. I don't need an A. I need a B. Why? Because this better be the last degree I ever get.

--

and i just found this list i'd kept here on this blog about getting into a phd program, here is a snippet:

• pack up my life in oregon
  
• cry many tears
  
• leave oregon
  
• cry many more tears
  
• arrive at grad school
  
• cry more tears about missing oregon
  
• begin my new life, 4 years of hell and excitement
  
• cry.
  
• survive 1st year.
  
• cry. wonder why the fuck i'm doing this.
  

hmm. lets see. it should be changed just a wee bit:

• pack up my life in oregon
  
• cry many tears
  
• leave oregon
  
• cry many more tears
  
• arrive at grad school
  
• cry more tears about missing oregon
  
• cry. wonder why the fuck i'm doing this.
  
• cry. wonder why the fuck i'm doing this.
  
• begin my new life, 4 years of hell and excitement
  
• cry.
  
• cry. wonder why the fuck i'm doing this.
  
• cry. wonder why the fuck i'm doing this.
  
• survive 1st month.
  
• cry. wonder why the fuck i'm doing this.
  
• survive 2nd month.
  
• cry. wonder why the fuck i'm doing this.
  
• survive 3rd month.
  
• cry. wonder why the fuck i'm doing this.
  
• survive 4th month.
  
• cry. wonder why the fuck i'm doing this.
  
• survive 1st semester.
  
• cry. wonder why the fuck i'm doing this.
  
• do dishes for the first time 4 weeks.
  

umm yep. i've accomplished all of that.. except the last one. i think i'll go do that now.

:)

Posted by brooke at 07:39 AM | comments (0)

john

My friend John is writing about how the musical Wicked matches his life in the LDS (Mormon) Church. As of this writing he's written parts 1 , 2, and 3. John is a questioner and a believer in the church. If you don't like the LDS church, or musicals, I still recommend going to read this story. You may just find parts of it that you relate too.

Thanks John for your story.

Posted by brooke at 08:16 PM | comments (0)

can't sleep.

i'm up late contemplating localization. is this area of investigation really an appropriate one. and dedicating a year to it, is it really worth it? agh.

but, i won't worry about that in this moment. or, i'll try not too.

the semester is over. i think i did well on my prospectus, and the final in 6570. yeah me.

Posted by brooke at 01:19 AM | comments (0)

let me just say

that as a single, childless, 33 year old woman - this time of year has got to be the VERY worst time of year.

don't even know why i'm heading back east. i should just go to oregon and hole up at lost valley for a couple of weeks.

Posted by brooke at 11:07 AM | comments (0)

note me savoring the moment

i just printed out my prospectus for 6570. its the BIG paper of the semester. i printed a copy for me and a copy for her. i may just do really well on the paper. she liked the draft, and both of my professors - ygpd and wkpd - liked what they read as we were putting it together for a grant we turned in on friday.

i'm going to go study for the final, but i just wanted to savor this moment. i walked into 6570 16 weeks ago terrified, not knowing if i could ever figure it all out. i feel like i'm leaving the class as a novice researcher. someone who understands the process enough to be able to have my own ideas about possible studies, how they may be able to get put together and done. i also know who in my department i can turn to for help on the different aspects of my studies, and further what resources i can turn to on my own.

as i was walking off the 2nd floor of the ed building just a few minutes ago i had this feeling of - i'm doing it. 16 weeks ago i was terrified that i would get to this moment and have the thought of - i can't do this.

but i am. and i think i'll savor the moment for just a few more moments before i go study. its a nice feeling, and i'm not yet ready to let it go.

Posted by brooke at 03:10 PM | comments (0)

when do you tell a friend?

i'm in a crabby mood today. i've contacted one particular friend back home twice by email, and twice by phone.

when do you call them and say - hey - you suck? yeah, i know, not a nice thing to say to a friend.

i need to go to oregon, not virginia over this darn holiday. *sigh*

Posted by brooke at 01:00 PM | comments (0)

sometimes things just happen so fast

i walked in to ygpd's office today with a funding proposal.. the organization that i was proposing i submit it too is a no go.. but there is an internal usu grant that i can apply too.. due tommorrow.

so, we are. and we're using what i've already written. and not ygpd and i, but wkpd* is going to be the pi. i still can't believe it, i still can't believe how quickly things happen.

*blink*

so, i need to write my last paper for prosem, and await their (ygpd and wkpd) additions. i'll turn it in tommorrow.

*whew*

i think i may ask if this can be my funding practicum. ;-D

*wkpd = wonderful kiwi professor dudette. and a reminder - ygpd = young geeky professor dude, aka my chair.

Posted by brooke at 07:27 PM | comments (0)

12 years ago today.

yep. i mark every december 7th. it's simply amazing where my life was back then, and where it sits right now. where it stands right now. who i am and who i've become.

there is one huge part of my life that is SO not where i want it to be. yes, a huge part. but its just one of the huge parts. there are other huge parts, and frankly, over the last week i have lost sight of the many different parts of my life.

december 7th, as i look back on it now, was the beginning of really my coming into being. there are other days that can be marked like that --> august 3rd 1998 (starting my trek across the country to oregon), may 6th 2005 (my first heart of now). i've become a better person because of that date. i've become more understanding, more empathetic, a better ally.

12 years ago i was in atlanta. i was on the cusp of finishing my first degree, unhappily. not the finishing, but the degree. i had no idea how to start my life, i had no idea about taking care of myself, getting a job, surviving. i had no idea that i could be happy. i had no idea. no, i didn't know about much. but, then again i was only 21. 21 year olds, really, in retrospect, don't know much. and, i know that in 12 years i'll be saying the same thing about 33 year olds. in retrospect, i may think i know a lot right now, but i don't. i don't know much. i know what i know, and there is a lot more to know. and not just about academics, localization, and getting a phd.

12 years ago my life changed for the better. i have a purpose in life because of this date. i'm happy about that. i'm happy that i know that my purpose in life is to help empower disempowered populations, whether those populations be disempowered because of their gender orientation, or their lack of access to the basic resources needed to live. it is a purpose, and today, as i sit on the cusp of the end of my first semester as a phd student i'm glad i know. i'm glad that i'm driving through this program with knowledge of what i want to do, that i'm not simply flitting around, wondering which direction to go in.

12 years ago was a big day in my history. i'm glad i'm past it, not the reason, but the day. i'm glad i'm 12 years older. in those years, between now and then, i have experienced things i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. and i have experienced things that i would wish on not only my worst enemy but my very best friend.

okay. on that note, i need to go write a paper.

Posted by brooke at 10:08 AM | comments (0)

this is for you mf

THE SNEETCHES
by Dr. Suess

Now the Star-bellied Sneetches had bellies with stars.
The Plain-bellied Sneetches had none upon thars.
The stars weren't so big; they were really quite small.
You would think such a thing wouldn't matter at all.
But because they had stars, all the Star-bellied Sneetches
would brag, "We're the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches."

With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they'd snort, "
We'll have nothing to do with the plain-bellied sort."
And whenever they met some, when they were out walking,
they'd hike right on past them without even talking.

When the Star-bellied children went out to play ball,
could the Plain-bellies join in their game? Not at all!
You could only play ball if your bellies had stars,
and the Plain-bellied children had none upon thars.

When the Star-bellied Sneetches had frankfurter roasts,
or picnics or parties or marshmallow toasts,
they never invited the Plain-bellied Sneetches.
Left them out cold in the dark of the beaches.
Kept them away; never let them come near,
and that's how they treated them year after year.

Then one day, it seems, while the Plain-bellied Sneetches
were moping, just moping alone on the beaches,
sitting there, wishing their bellies had stars,
up zipped a stranger in the strangest of cars.

"My friends, " he announced in a voice clear and keen,
"My name is Sylvester McMonkey McBean.
I've heard of your troubles; I've heard you're unhappy.
But I can fix that; I'm the fix-it-up chappie.
I've come here to help you; I have what you need.
My prices are low, and I work with great speed,
and my work is one hundred per cent guaranteed."

Then quickly, Sylvester McMonkey McBean
put together a very peculiar machine.
Then he said, "You want stars like a Star-bellied Sneetch?
My friends, you can have them . . . . for three dollars each.
Just hand me your money and climb on aboard."

They clambered inside and the big machine roared.
It bonked. It clonked. It jerked. It berked.
It bopped them around, but the thing really worked.
When the Plain-bellied Sneetches popped out, they had stars!
They actually did, they had stars upon thars!

Then they yelled at the ones who had stars from the start,
"We're exactly like you; you can't tell us apart.
We're all just the same now, you snooty old smarties.
Now we can come to your frankfurter parties!"

"Good grief!" groaned the one who had stars from the first.
"We're still the best Sneetches, and they are the worst.
But how in the world will we know," they all frowned,
"if which kind is what or the other way 'round?"

Then up stepped McBean with a very sly wink, and he said,
"Things are not quite as bad as you think.
You don't know who's who, that is perfectly true.
But come with me, friends, do you know what I'll do?
I'll make you again the best Sneetches on beaches,
and all it will cost you is ten dollars eaches.

Belly stars are no longer in style, " said McBean.
"What you need is a trip through my stars-off machine.
This wondrous contraption will take off your stars,
so you won't look like Sneetches who have them on thars."

That handy machine, working very precisely,
removed all the stars from their bellies quite nicely.
Then, with snoots in the air, they paraded about.
They opened their beaks and proceeded to shout,
"We now know who's who, and there isn't a doubt,
the best kind of Sneetches are Sneetches without."

Then, of course those with stars all got frightfully mad.
To be wearing a star now was frightfully bad.
Then, of course old Sylvester McMonkey McBean
invited them into his stars-off machine.
Then, of course from then on, you can probably guess,
things really got into a horrible mess.

All the rest of the day on those wild screaming beaches,
the Fix-it-up-Chappie was fixing up Sneetches.
Off again, on again, in again, out again,
through the machine and back round about again,
still paying money, still running through,
changing their stars every minute or two,
until neither the Plain- nor the Star-bellies knew
whether this one was that one or that one was this one
or which one was what one or what one was who!

Then, when every last cent of their money was spent,
the Fix-It-Up-Chappie packed up and he went.
And he laughed as he drove in his car up the beach,
"They never will learn; no, you can't teach a Sneetch!"

But McBean was quite wrong, I'm quite happy to say,
the Sneetches got quite a bit smarter that day.
That day, they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches,
and no kind of Sneetch is the BEST on the beaches.
That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars,
and whether they had one or not upon thars.

Posted by brooke at 01:51 PM | comments (0)

whoo hoo!

dick cheney is going to be the grandfather of a lesbian love child.

oooh, the ironies, gotta love 'em

Posted by brooke at 10:07 AM | comments (0)

duh?

what is happening in iraq isn't working. thats headline news?

really. i simply cannot believe the state of stupidity in this country.

seriously. people need to listen to the (left) activists. really - we could have saved a lot of time, money, energy, and most of all - lives.

the left is always right. really. the left is always right. yeah. and i don't even say that because i am one.. after all, i've been in denial about peak oil, but in the end, i know those whack jobs over in the peak oil movement are right.

the sky is falling, the sky is falling.

i know. how? because the lefty's said it.

Posted by brooke at 09:39 AM | comments (0)

holy hell

my back hurts. really hurts. and i have to sit in class for 3 hours today? this is fucking ridiculous.

i have no idea how my friend m does this.

holy hell. i quit.

Posted by brooke at 09:14 AM | comments (0)

dear dad.

its your birthday. i know. i should call you. i should call you and tell you on the phone how much i love you. that i'm proud of you, that i love the fact that you, out of all the dads in the whole world, ended up as mine. good thing, cause we look alike. that would have been rather odd if you weren't my dad, and then to run into you -- "i look a lot like that dad, was there a screw up somewhere?" and we act a lot a like. lets face it dad, we're both rather neurotic, sometimes the same way, other times in vastly different ways, but neuroses is in our genes. how do i know? i've met your dad. :)

i hope its warm and sunny in virginia today dad. i hope you got to take your boat out on to the new. i hope you got to play, and enjoy being professor emeritus, kathy's husband, zack's dad, benny's grandfather, and most of all, just you.

love love love,
me.
your daughter.

Posted by brooke at 12:02 PM | comments (0)

if i ever needed a reminder

of why i'm here doing what i am doing, this is a good one:
this week in peace history.

honestly? i think people forget about who brought them the rights that they have. people who sit idly by and watch the peace and justice activists do their thing, thinking we're a bunch of whack jobs. well, 100 years ago people thought that women who actively campaigned for the vote were whack jobs, and 50 years ago they thought the same thing about people who wanted to end racial segregation. and now, now we just take those things, mostly, for granted.

if people would just listen to the activists now it really would save a lot of grief, anger, hurt, and (for the people who really care) money.

References
Bush, G.W. (2003). The War in Iraq. Washington D.C.: Screw the Country Press

Posted by brooke at 12:31 PM | comments (0)

and people stand behind this government

i've known about the jose padilla case for about 3 years now -- thanks to the activists.

this morning the nytimes has the story. while i know about mr. padilla, i didn't really understand the horrors. i still don't, but at least i've now read about them.

after reading this, i simply cannot believe that people still think our government is honourable. its not. bush.. well, bush is.. *sigh* that he allows this to happen to anyone, much less a citizen of the country that elected him president, its abominable. how can anyone stand behind him?

the story sits behind the link to more.

Video Is a Window Into a Terror Suspect’s Isolation
By DEBORAH SONTAG

One spring day during his three and a half years as an enemy combatant, Jose Padilla experienced a break from the monotony of his solitary confinement in a bare cell in the brig at the Naval Weapons Station in Charleston, S.C.

That day, Mr. Padilla, a Brooklyn-born Muslim convert whom the Bush administration had accused of plotting a dirty bomb attack and had detained without charges, got to go to the dentist.

“Today is May 21,” a naval official declared to a camera videotaping the event. “Right now we’re ready to do a root canal treatment on Jose Padilla, our enemy combatant.”

Several guards in camouflage and riot gear approached cell No. 103. They unlocked a rectangular panel at the bottom of the door and Mr. Padilla’s bare feet slid through, eerily disembodied. As one guard held down a foot with his black boot, the others shackled Mr. Padilla’s legs. Next, his hands emerged through another hole to be manacled.

Wordlessly, the guards, pushing into the cell, chained Mr. Padilla’s cuffed hands to a metal belt. Briefly, his expressionless eyes met the camera before he lowered his head submissively in expectation of what came next: noise-blocking headphones over his ears and blacked-out goggles over his eyes. Then the guards, whose faces were hidden behind plastic visors, marched their masked, clanking prisoner down the hall to his root canal.

The videotape of that trip to the dentist, which was recently released to Mr. Padilla’s lawyers and viewed by The New York Times, offers the first concrete glimpse inside the secretive military incarceration of an American citizen whose detention without charges became a test case of President Bush’s powers in the fight against terror. Still frames from the videotape were posted in Mr. Padilla’s electronic court file late Friday.

To Mr. Padilla’s lawyers, the pictures capture the dehumanization of their client during his military detention from mid-2002 until earlier this year, when the government changed his status from enemy combatant to criminal defendant and transferred him to the federal detention center in Miami. He now awaits trial scheduled for late January.

Together with other documents filed late Friday, the images represent the latest and most aggressive sally by defense lawyers who declared this fall that charges against Mr. Padilla should be dismissed for “outrageous government conduct,” saying that he was mistreated and tortured during his years as an enemy combatant.

Now lawyers for Mr. Padilla, 36, suggest that he is unfit to stand trial. They argue that he has been so damaged by his interrogations and prolonged isolation that he suffers post-traumatic stress disorder and is unable to assist in his own defense. His interrogations, they say, included hooding, stress positions, assaults, threats of imminent execution and the administration of “truth serums.”

A Pentagon spokesman, Lt. Col. Todd Vician, said Sunday that the military disputes Mr. Padilla’s accusations of mistreatment. And, in court papers, prosecutors deny “in the strongest terms” the accusations of torture and say that “Padilla’s conditions of confinement were humane and designed to ensure his safety and security.”

“His basic needs were met in a conscientious manner, including Halal (Muslim acceptable) food, clothing, sleep and daily medical assessment and treatment when necessary,” the government stated. “While in the brig, Padilla never reported any abusive treatment to the staff or medical personnel.”

In the brig, Mr. Padilla was denied access to counsel for 21 months. Andrew Patel, one of his lawyers, said his isolation was not only severe but compounded by material and sensory deprivations. In an affidavit filed Friday, he alleged that Mr. Padilla was held alone in a 10-cell wing of the brig; that he had little human contact other than with his interrogators; that his cell was electronically monitored and his meals were passed to him through a slot in the door; that windows were blackened, and there was no clock or calendar; and that he slept on a steel platform after a foam mattress was taken from him, along with his copy of the Koran, “as part of an interrogation plan.”

Mr. Padilla’s situation, as an American declared an enemy combatant and held without charges by his own government, was extraordinary and the conditions of his detention appear to have been unprecedented in the military justice system.

Philip D. Cave, a former judge advocate general for the Navy and now a lawyer specializing in military law, said, “There’s nothing comparable in terms of severity of confinement, in terms of how Padilla was held, especially considering that this was pretrial confinement.”

Ali al-Marri, a Qatari and Saudi dual citizen and the only enemy combatant currently detained in the United States, has made similar claims of isolation and deprivation at the brig in South Carolina. The Pentagon spokesman, Lieutenant Vician, said Sunday that he could not comment on the methods used to escort Mr. Padilla to the dentist. Blackened goggles and earphones are rarely employed in internal prison transports in the United States, but riot gear is sometimes used for violent prisoners.

One of Mr. Padilla’s lawyers, Orlando do Campo, said, however, that Mr. Padilla was a “completely docile” prisoner. “There was not one disciplinary problem with Jose ever, not one citation, not one act of disobedience,” said Mr. do Campo, who is a lawyer at the Miami federal public defender’s office.

In his affidavit, Mr. Patel said, “I was told by members of the brig staff that Mr. Padilla’s temperament was so docile and inactive that his behavior was like that of ‘a piece of furniture.’ ”

Federal prosecutors and defense lawyers are locked in a tug of war over the relevancy of Mr. Padilla’s military detention to the present criminal case. Federal prosecutors have asked the judge to forbid Mr. Padilla’s lawyers from mentioning the circumstances of his military detention during the trial, maintaining that their accusations could “distract and inflame the jury.”

But defense lawyers say it is unconscionable to ignore Mr. Padilla’s military detention because, among other reasons, it altered him in a way that will impinge on his trial.

Dr. Angela Hegarty, director of forensic psychiatry at the Creedmoor Psychiatric Center in Queens, N.Y., who examined Mr. Padilla for a total of 22 hours in June and September, said in an affidavit filed Friday that he “lacks the capacity to assist in his own defense.”

“It is my opinion that as the result of his experiences during his detention and interrogation, Mr. Padilla does not appreciate the nature and consequences of the proceedings against him, is unable to render assistance to counsel, and has impairments in reasoning as the result of a mental illness, i.e., post-traumatic stress disorder, complicated by the neuropsychiatric effects of prolonged isolation,” Dr. Hegarty said in an affidavit for the defense.

Mr. Padilla’s status was abruptly changed to criminal defendant from enemy combatant last fall. At the time, the Supreme Court was weighing whether to take up the legality of his military detention — and thus the issue of the president’s authority to seize an American citizen on American soil and hold him indefinitely without charges — when the Bush administration pre-empted its decision by filing criminal charges against Mr. Padilla.

Mr. Padilla was added as a defendant in a terrorism conspiracy case already under way in Miami. The strong public accusations made during his military detention — about the dirty bomb, Al Qaeda connections and supposed plans to set off natural gas explosions in apartment buildings — appear nowhere in the indictment against him. The indictment does not allege any specific violent plot against America.

Mr. Padilla is portrayed in the indictment as the recruit of a “North American terror support cell” that sent money, goods and recruits abroad to assist “global jihad” in general, with a special interest in Bosnia and Chechnya. Mr. Padilla, the indictment asserts, traveled overseas “to participate in violent jihad” and filled out an application for a mujahedin training camp in Afghanistan.

Michael Caruso, a public defender for Mr. Padilla, pleaded “absolutely not guilty” for him to charges of conspiracy and of providing material support to terrorists. Mr. Padilla faces two charges that each carry a maximum penalty of 15 years.

Over the summer, Judge Marcia G. Cooke of United States District Court in Miami threw out the most serious charge, of conspiracy to murder, kidnap and maim persons in a foreign country, saying that it replicated accusations in the other counts and could lead to multiple punishments for a single crime. This was a setback for the government, which has appealed the dismissal.

Mr. Padilla’s lawyers say they have had a difficult time persuading him that they are on his side.

From the time Mr. Padilla was allowed access to counsel, Mr. Patel visited him repeatedly in the brig and in the Miami detention center, and Mr. Padilla has observed Mr. Patel arguing on his behalf in Miami federal court.

But, Mr. Patel said in his affidavit, his client is nonetheless mistrustful. “Mr. Padilla remains unsure if I and the other attorneys working on his case are actually his attorneys or another component of the government’s interrogation scheme,” Mr. Patel said.

Mr. do Campo said that Mr. Padilla was not incommunicative, and that he expressed curiosity about what was going on in the world, liked to talk about sports and demonstrated particularly keen interest in the Chicago Bears.

But the defense lawyers’ questions often echo the questions interrogators have asked Mr. Padilla, and when that happens, he gets jumpy and shuts down, the lawyers said.

Dr. Hegarty said Mr. Padilla refuses to review the video recordings of his interrogations, which have been released to his lawyers but remain classified.

He is especially reluctant to discuss what happened in the brig, fearful that he will be returned there some day, Mr. Patel said in his affidavit.

“During questioning, he often exhibits facial tics, unusual eye movements and contortions of his body,” Mr. Patel said. “The contortions are particularly poignant since he is usually manacled and bound by a belly chain when he has meetings with counsel.”

Posted by brooke at 08:03 AM | comments (0)

umm.. duh?

i saw this headline:
Two days before he resigned as defense secretary, Donald H. Rumsfeld submitted a classified memo to the White House that acknowledged that the Bush administration’s strategy in Iraq was not working and called for a major course correction.

at nytimes yesterday and my first thought was 'umm, yeah. thats what the (lefty) activists have been saying all along.'

seriously. first the national media is all up in arms about patriot act infringements on our civil liberties, then they are making a big deal about guantanamo, and now this? if they'd listened to the (lefty) activists a few years ago we could have saved a lot of grief, and billions of dollars. really.

and do you wonder why i'm so afraid of peak oil? because the (lefty, do i need to say it more?) activists are saying it, and while my head may be in the sand, the reason its in the sand is because, in the end, i know the (LEFT) activits are always right.

---

back to my paper. i am SO unmotivated. blech.

Posted by brooke at 06:00 PM | comments (0)

whatever it takes.

i am SO not motivated to go work today. i've got a lot of it too. good thing there's fiddle faddle and pita chips up at my office.. whatever it takes i say, yeah, whatever it takes.

Posted by brooke at 03:41 PM | comments (0)

really.

writing should not be this hard.

:P

Posted by brooke at 02:48 PM | comments (0)

World AIDS Day

Posted by brooke at 09:54 AM | comments (0)

about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.

my heart

♦ max
♦ ava
♦ LEAD
♦ the heart of now
♦ population, environment, abortion, religion and fatherhood by my grandfather

be the change

♦ american friends service committee
♦ bell hooks
♦ CAUSA / PCUN
♦ community alliance of lane county
♦ His Holiness The Dalai Lama
♦ human rights campaign
♦ LEAD
♦ NAACP
♦ NOW
♦ paul kivel
♦ end mountaintop coal removal
♦ walk for kindness
♦ usu allies on campus ♦ usu glbta services

i'm a poor phd student, but i still want stuff

♦ buy me books so i can get my phd!
♦ here's some other, non-phd, related stuff i want.

interesting spots on the web

♦ justice not war coalition (i miss)
♦ dl connect (the research)
♦ instructional architect (the tool)
♦ the national science digital library (the resources)
♦ liberal forum
♦ united for peace and justice
♦ code pink for peace
♦ whitney leary - artist
♦ true living with authentic intention

blogs

♦ #!/usr/bin/girl
♦ abortion clinic days
♦ allied
♦ baghdad burning
♦ bitch phd
♦ bliss
♦ blog explosion
♦ blog sisters
♦ blogging the dalai lama
♦ blue ridge blog
♦ bringing desta home
♦ christi thomas
♦ dana's blog
♦ dooce
♦ dwotf: the blog
♦ easy bake coven
♦ eugene saturday market blog
♦ falling down is also a gift
♦ feminste
♦ flight level 390
♦ hieing to kolob
♦ i blame the patriarchy
♦ i will survive
♦ john dehlin: check this out
♦ justlisa
♦ mormon stories: building bridges through stories
♦ my cat hates you dot com
♦ name that mama
♦ oregon blogs
♦ paper sack lifetime
♦ peace blogs
♦ postsecret
♦ rkmlai's journal
♦ sewers of babel
♦ so close
♦ susie's garden
♦ the bwg
♦ the cultural hall
♦ trabaca
♦ vox.machina
♦ what she said
♦ write (a blog)
♦ writing in the corner
♦ yeah, but houdini didn't have these hips.

inactive blogs (that i still read)

♦ abbie the cat has a posse
♦ aspirations to sweetness
♦ the crooked cervix
♦ suej224
♦ tierra
♦ knife wielding feminsts
♦ paul moment
♦ riverrocks
♦ postcards of grief

read the news

♦ bbc
♦ new york times
♦ common dreams
♦ salon
♦ eugene weekly
♦ the guardian
♦ village voice
♦ washington post
♦ SF Gate
♦ cnn
♦ eugene register-guard
♦ salt lake city tribune
♦ logan herald-journal

archives

• November 2007
• October 2007

recent

• sadaam
• my favourite xmas gift (the hat, not the cat)
• lets face it
• Merry Xmas (War is Over)
• what is war?

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