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Wednesday, 3 October 07 :: less crab.

i think i got it all out, my crab. the poor HRC got an email full of my wretched anger about this lack of spine.

i'm not sure why i hit such a wall. it really is a matter of just taking each step and walking through the next week and a half. there is a lot to do and sometimes i fear that i've taken on too much. but i want to be employed after this tenure in utah, and so i feel like i need to do everything possible to ensure that - and that looks really like someone who does everything and anything offered to her to do. i'm questioning that. i'm questioning whether i am making the right decisions about taking on the world.

but even so. i've agreed to do it and i wonder why i am seeing such difficulty wrapped around it. why not just push through it, just take each step very deliberately and know that i can do this? why not?

i need to dig deep to get through this. my brain may be turning to mush, but i can acknowledge it and then stop it. i need to believe that i can do this with grace. really and truly.

posted by brooke at October 3, 2007 12:09 AM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.