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Thursday, 19 July 07 ::
my friend k.
i got to talk to my friend k last night. my friend k in eugene. i've actually cried some about missing her as much as i do. it was a gift, that conversation. why? because the conversation just flowed. we talked about her stuff, my stuff, the in-between. we talked about work, but not in the chat about work all the time sense that i seem to do here, but more from the experiential angle. this is the experience of graduate school, and it sucks. this is the experience of someone like me living in this place, and it sucks. it was comforting to hear her voice, to hear my voice reflected in hers. i didn't feel crazy, i didn't feel like i was constantly seeking to be seen, i didn't feel different. i even found my sense of humour again, i made her laugh, i smiled. i didn't feel crazy, or different, for 40 minutes.
like i said, i'm going home soon. as much as i'd like it to be the same, i know it isn't. as i have moved on with my life - had new experiences, met knew people, changed - so have they. they are all moving forward, being different. but i know that, for the most part, they all still love me. they are my tribe, different, yes, but still my tribe. i fit in, i can breathe, i am not anonymous. i am me when i am home.
i can't wait. i can't wait to tell people i love them, to fall into their embraces, to find out what is new in all their lives, to play with my dear sweet young friend t, to breathe in the air, to feel awkward and out of place in my tribe, to reconnect with that place that sometimes i feel only existed in my dreams, to reconnect with that person that sometimes feels the same way, to start joining the two sides of me yet again. i can't wait. i can't wait to see that 'welcome to oregon' sign along I-84. i'm home. it's different, i'm different, and that's difficult, but that's simply the passage of time, and it's still home. it's still home, and i'll be there soon.
posted by brooke at July 19, 2007 11:23 AM
