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Thursday, 10 May 07 ::
it's about the touchy feely hippy dippy crap.
it's been 2 years now. 2 years since i went to heart of now. i know i've changed a lot since going there. it's nice to have my friends there reflect that. its nice to know it, although i have to admit that in this new environment of a phd program i'm having more difficulty knowing that. but that's beyond the point.
the point is. 2 years ago the week preceeding my first trip out to heart of now when people would ask me what i was doing over the weekend i told them "hippy-dippy-touchy-feeling-crap." yes, it was my way of dismissing what i was going to do, but also embracing it at the same time. i am in touch with my feelings, and i love talking heart of now talk (cult speak ;-D), but i also have a sacrastic edge to me, call it a wall, call it a way of interacting, call it whatever you want to call it, but that deeply sarcastic side of me needed a way to embrace what it was i was going to do.
i don't remember that weekend vividly, but i do remember very specific moments during the weekend. i don't know exactly when it was that they started getting to me, but slowly but surely they wore me down 8-D. and now, 2 years later, it is still so important to me that going back every three months is just a given, and honestly, i don't find it weird that i go to such great extent to get there for 4 days. i consider it going home. it is what i have learned in heart of now that is my survival. when in my darker moments, it is the the skills i learned there that have gotten me through.
so the point of the post. its not just all about heart of now (though, i will admit to missing them incredibly during this period, i hope it ends). its about those i met there too (ha! not too far removed, eh?).
i'm browsing tribe this morning (not working like i need to be), and i find this:
“Magic is the art of conceiving of reality differently in such a way that it comes to pass.”
isn't that cool? and then, my friend angel wrote this as well:
So how do you engage this powerful wizard of clarity and power for yourself? Simple. All it takes to engage your inner wizard is some support at the beginning, a little focused attention, releasing the need to be actively engaged, accepting the skills we know we have, and embodying the process. After that, well, magic happens!
and i realize, that, it really is about the hippy-dippy-touchy-feely-crap. i mean, even in those pointy-headed moments, its still about the hippy-dippy-touchy-feely-crap*. Because its that stuff that allows all the other moments to happen. I get in touch with my deepest fears and move past them, I get in touch with my deepest joy and let it run, or I simply sit and am present with whatever it is that is going on (because, unlike what I used to think, not every moment is full of huge emotion) and I am able to live. Without that, nothing else can happen. As someone who has seen the depths and struggled to find my way out, it is the hippy-dippy-touchy-feely-crap that has been the stuff to show me the way, and given me the tools to be here, widening my path, adding more dimensions to the person that is me.
:)
*the term hippy-dippy-touchy-feely-crap is licensed under a derivative-share alike-no attributions creative commons license, so please feel free to use it in whatever way you'd like. ;-D
posted by brooke at May 10, 2007 10:04 AM
