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Tuesday, 27 February 07 :: lets just face it, its not what its all cracked up to be.

it's amazing how many images of this process i had in my head. okay, not how many images, but the couple of very specific images that i had in my head. and now that those images are not what it turned out to be, i'm lost. i'm constantly saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things, not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, wondering how i'm going to juggle everything i want to do. i thought i had it all figured out and then in one fail swoop it went kaboom. and now, now its all flubbed up, and while i'm still moving forward, questions about how its going to look are unanswered. i don' like things being unanswered. i don't like questions of where what who how sitting the way they are. i don't deal well with ambiguity, not at all. i just want to know what i'm doing and how i'm doing and when i'm doing it.

*sigh*

this is hard.

posted by brooke at February 27, 2007 08:33 PM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.