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Friday, 12 January 07 :: 5

there's no magical representation in the number 5 this morning, except that after a brief discussion about how cold it is outside, i just checked the temperature. its 5 degrees, which is a relief to me, because as i was walking up the hill i was a bit too cold, and i kept running my friend's words about how cold it gets here through my head. i was worried that i was not dealing well with weather in the teens.

yesterday i finally decided to start playing alix olson the background of my work day. i'm not sure what a good idea that is, because i have a difficult time concentrating when alix is playing. but, on the other hand, if i hadn't turned on alix i wouldn't have found the laughter that i so desperately needed.

things are difficult here. i have a project that i'm rather tired of, that i'm less than 1/5 through. there is a situation in my work place that made me angry, but on wednesday i finally found the sadness. i found the sadness, and exhaustion with the situation. i've found in sadness there is humility, and its not only an internal humility, its also a humility that others can see. it made talking to two higher ups about the situation easier. i didn't care about the anger, what i cared about was my life becoming easier so i could devote my scarce energy to more important issues (like the project i need to be working on in this very moment).

listening to alix this morning, wanting to share that with friends around here and knowing that all my friends in utah are in a very different world and understanding that while i can share small snippets of what she says, i can't share the pieces that bring me the most joy. its just a different world and it reminds me that i do straddle very different worlds. being that i live in this one, it makes me even more grateful for her words, because she is a reminder of what i left in eugene, of who i left in eugene - not only my friends, but also a piece of myself. its a reminder i know i need, because this world is so encompassing, and the friends that i have here are such good people, that without these tangible reminders of me, i could easily leave an important piece of be behind. i don't want to leave that piece behind, and it brings me a lot of joy when i find how much happier i am when i put in her dvd. it brings me joy because it tells me that i am still that person, that i am still a person who embraces alix's message with all her heart.

posted by brooke at January 12, 2007 09:23 AM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.