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Saturday, 25 November 06 ::
in which i make a rare appearance on this blog.
Yep, I'm the one behind, the one with the short legs. And thats a friend from school, she and I have desks that face each other in our lab. 2 future PhDs in central utah the day after thanksgiving.
It's now Saturday. I'm procrastinating. I've become the queen of procrastination --> really. I need to be writing my research perspectus, the one on localization and open educational resources thats due soon. there's a lot weighing on it, and so it scares me to write it. but, not having it written scares me even more. i know, quite the interesting cycle. you WOULD think that i'd end this cycle of torture that i'm on, but while i may be a phd student, that doesn't exactly equate with smartness. scratch that, wisdom. no, just because i'm working on a phd does not mean that i'm wise, and in situations like this i need wisdom, not smarts, and courage. yes, courage. courage just to sit down and committ the time, and get over fears of failure. yes, i've noticed that a fear of failure sits squarely on my shoulders most of the time, and i'm pretty sure my friends feel it too. *nod* take the smartest of the smart, those of us who did well in our previous schooling, those of us who have weeded ourselves out of the rest of the 99% of the population to go for this terminating degree. we got here for a reason --> determination, and the ability to succeed. and now, we, here, being challenged to a greater degree than most of us have ever been challenged academically, with dreams of future successes (and having that PhD after our name) feeling like they sit on the success (or failure) of every single assignment, and so, yes, in moments like this, courage is something we (i) need in moments like this in order to take that step and actually write that thing i've been thinking about all semester. luckily for me i have a great professor who has said she will give me one chance, a chance for her to go through this paper and let me know everything i need to fix in order to end up with a good enough grade to pass the class (with a b, yes, passing is a b) at the end of fthe semester.
on that note, i should go grab a cup of coffee and head east. to the ed building to sit at my friend jon's desk (in the room WITH windows) for the next 12 or so hours while, hopefully, i get this thing done. or not 12 hours, until my brain says STOP.
posted by brooke at November 25, 2006 11:21 AM
