« August 2006 |
main
| October 2006 »
Thursday, 28 September 06
All Will Be Well
yeah. This just fits today. I get to go to Oregon, and see all those that love me next week. I can't wait.
c Gabe Dixon Band
The new day dawns
And I am practicing my purpose once again
It is fresh and it is fruitful if I win
but if I lose, ooh, I don't know
I'll be tired but I will turn and I will go
Only guessing 'til I get there then I'll know
Ohh, I will know
And all the children walking home past the factories
Can see the light that's shining in my window
As I write this song to you
And all the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true
And all will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell
The winter's cold
But the snow still lightly settles on the trees
And a mess is still a moment I can seize until I know
That all will be well
Even though sometimes this is hard to tell
And the fight is just as frustrating as hell
All will be well
And all the children walking home past the factories
Can see the light that's shining in my window
As I write this song to you
And all the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true
And all will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell
You got to keep it up
And don't give up
And chase your dreams
And you will find
All in time
And all the children walking home past the factories
Can see the light that's shining in my window
As I write this song to you
And all the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true
And all will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell
All will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell
You can ask me how but only time will tell
Posted by brooke at 11:04 PM
| comments (0)
Tuesday, 26 September 06
spirituality
Half the spiritual life consists in remembering what we are up against and where we are going.
-Ayya Khema, "When the Iron Eagle Flies"
Posted by brooke at 09:34 AM
| comments (0)
Monday, 25 September 06
well, that would be a kick in the stomach.
On KLCC this morning: "We have support from Charles Gray and Sylvia Hart, they listen and .... "
agh. I would think that would be hard for people who know Charles to hear. That great activist died this summer of bone cancer. Btw, I didn't know Charles well, in fact I don't think he ever knew my name, but I knew his. He was a great peace and justice activist in Eugene who taught many of the people I was fortunate enough to work with. Godspeed Charles Gray, thank you for coming before me and leaving the legacy you did. I wouldn't be where I am in life today without the lessons you taught to those who taught me.
--
I didn't go into work this morning like I have every other Monday I've been in Logan. I decided to be super duper lazy. After 1.5 hours of farting around I'm now going to go curl up with a cup of Celestial Seasons Morning Detox Tea, the rest of the carrot apple juice I made this weekend, and my Ed Research book to study for tommorrow's quiz. Fun times.
--
oh. and one last note. If you have prayers to spare, please say them for the thomas team. While Christi left nearly a week ago, their struggle has really only begun. As with any mother who's child has just died, Christi's sweet mother is struggling. Pray that she is able to return to her classroom soon.
Posted by brooke at 09:40 AM
| comments (0)
Sunday, 24 September 06
a few comments
- i ♥ post secret. don't you?
- i heard something last night that struck me. 'you must rise above your resentments.' i've had a lot lately about a particular situation in my life. i need to remember that in each and every day, and in some moments each and every moment.
- i'm being super lazy tonight. i wish i had tv reception, i'd really like to watch some bad sunday night tv.
Posted by brooke at 08:26 PM
| comments (0)
Saturday, 23 September 06
wanna place bets?
usu is playing byu tommorrow in football. now, i'm not a huge football fan, but i was at the usu / u of u football game last week. u of u beat usu 48-0. apparently byu is better than u of u. i'll take byu for 50 - 0.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
yeah, its that funny, usu football is.
fuck, do i really live in utah now? at least there's snow. yes, in september. and its pretty.
Posted by brooke at 12:27 AM
| comments (0)
Friday, 22 September 06
what's the lesson i'm learning?
i'm not going to survive if i don't toughen up. seriously. i'm not.
Posted by brooke at 09:48 PM
| comments (0)
Thursday, 21 September 06
sometimes i worry
just a word for myself. i couldn't have done anything sooner. i had a lot to learn, health problems to deal with. if i'd tried this even 1 year ago i could not in hell have done it. but now, now i can do it. how do i know? because today i reached out to a new friend, held her hand and simply stated to the both of us that we would be able to do this. step by step, day by day, but we could do it.
a year ago i wouldn't have even been able to approach her and say 'hey, at orientation i wanted to get to know you.' 1 step at a time. and each day i must remind myself -- its not too late. no its not. i will live a long and healthy life. i will make it through this right of passage tough. i will end up where i'm supposed to be, have a glorious career, and be a mom. yep. thats what i'll be. maybe a little late, but healthy.
Posted by brooke at 12:09 AM
| comments (0)
Wednesday, 20 September 06
thrown for a loop
i saw pictures of my friends at HoN last weekend. it has thrown me for a big ol' loop. this whole phd thing here is hard. i mean, so fucking hard. i have to dig deep to find things in me i've never found before. i'm digging deep to find my own drive, my own motivation, my passion.. with very little support from those who i assumed were supposed to support me.
i was bouncing back from a down day until i saw my friends yesterday and realized how much my life here differs from theirs, until i realized how much i need them in my daily life. i've been living in my head, and once i saw their pictures i moved to my heart. my head is in denial of how hard this is, my heart - as always - knows the truth. this is a lonely road i've decided to travel. it is lonely and not as fulfilling as i thought it would be. i've seen things here i wish i'd never ever seen, i've become aware of things i wished i'd never been aware of.
maybe this is is the first test of my endurance. i am not a long distance runner, i hate the part in the middle. the newness of this place has worn off, the glow is gone, now, now its about the real thing. this is the test, the test is to survive when the glow of beginning or ending is gone. life is about the lack of a glow, life is rather dull. yes, this is the test i am here to survive - or not. life without glow.
i'm glad i know that. it doesn't take away how much i miss my friends, but aren't i a lucky woman to have friends to miss? i think i am.
---
in other news, my good friend lisa - one of the young women who she knows in her small town needs prayers. i'm going to do so. maybe you will too.
Posted by brooke at 09:18 AM
| comments (0)
Tuesday, 19 September 06
godspeed christi thomas
yes, her mom writes about how many lives christi thomas affected, and as you have witnessed here on this weblog, mine was one of them. its very rare that i write about a strangers life as i have christi's, but its very rare that i am as affected by a stranger as i have been by 4 strangers. it is a gift when that happens, and i am grateful for the gift i was given. thank you thomas team for your gift, i just wish it hadn't been wrapped in such an awful package. i just wish i would have never had to recieve it, and you give it.
though christi is gone, as we all know, mourning is a long process. the thomas team has just begun their journey. i wish for them support for the rest of their lives, because that is how long they will be living with this pain.
“For as long as I shall live I will testify to love,
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough.
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above,
For as long as I shall live I will testify to love.”
-“Testify to Love”, Avalon
Posted by brooke at 09:22 PM
| comments (0)
oh my friends.
keith sent me pictures of last weekend's hon, and then pictures from last novembers dote. i simply ache for all of y'all today. i miss you so much.
Posted by brooke at 03:24 PM
| comments (0)
suzanne swift
here's another family that needs your support. besides the the thomas family.
From Victim To Accused Army Deserter
Harassment Allegations Have Galvanized Activists
By Donna St. George
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, September 19, 2006; A01
EUGENE, Ore. -- Suzanne Swift remembers standing in her mother's living room, hours away from her second deployment to Iraq. Her military gear had already been shipped -- along with her Game Boy, her DVDs and books, her favorite pink pillow, her stash of sunflower seeds. She had the car keys in her hand, ready to drive to the base. Suddenly, she turned to her mother.
"I can't do this," she remembers saying. "I can't go."
The Army specialist, now 22, recalls her churning stomach. Her mother's surprise. All at once, she said, she could not bear the idea of another year like her first. She was sexually harassed by one superior, she said, and coerced into a sexual affair with another.
"I didn't want it to happen to me again," she said in an interview.
Now Swift is bracing for a possible court-martial. Arrested in June for going AWOL, she detailed three alleged sexual offenses to Army officials, who began an investigation. One incident had already been verified and the perpetrator disciplined. But last Friday, the Army ruled that the two other incidents could not be substantiated. It will soon decide whether to take disciplinary action against Swift for her five-month absence, spokesman Joe Hitt said.
If she is convicted of desertion, Swift faces prison time and a dishonorable discharge.
Swift's case has galvanized antiwar activists and women's organizations, who have started a petition drive and demonstrated near her base at Fort Lewis, outside Tacoma, Wash. With more than 130,000 women deployed since 2001, her case raises uncomfortable questions about how matters between the sexes play out in the military.
It is complicated by the wartime setting and the fact that Swift did not file formal complaints about the first two incidents while she said they took place. (The Army investigation established that she had complained about them privately.) Many female veterans say her case may be an example of a raw fact of military life: that sexual offenses often go unreported, that young, lower-ranking women are especially vulnerable and that those harmed fear hostile treatment if they speak up.
"It's more common than, unfortunately, people realize," said Colleen Mussolino, a founder of Women Veterans of America. "There are literally thousands of women who have gone through similar circumstances."
The Pentagon says that more than 500 sexual assaults involving U.S. forces in Iraq and Afghanistan have been reported. But officials acknowledge that the problem is larger than that and is made more complex by a war deployment.
"Sexual assault is the most underreported violent crime in America, and that's going to be true in the military as well," Pentagon spokesman Roger Kaplan said.
Lory Manning, director of the Women in the Military Project, of the Women's Research and Education Institute, pointed out that in the military, sexual liaisons within a chain of command are not viewed as consensual even if a subordinate goes along.
"The presumption is the subordinate might take it as an order and might fear retribution if they say no," said Manning, a retired Navy captain. "The more junior they are, the more unlikely it is that they can say no without fearing the consequences."
19 and Just Out of Boot Camp
Suzanne Swift was 19 years old, one of the least-experienced members of her unit, when she was deployed to Kuwait in February 2004. She had completed boot camp and military-police training six weeks earlier and now was part of the 66th Military Police Company. She gave her version of her military experience during interviews over two days at her mother's home in Eugene.
She said she had signed up with the military police because she thought it would keep her out of Iraq. But when her unit received orders for a year-long deployment, she went.
In Kuwait, she said, a platoon sergeant who had been friendly toward her -- and who had assured her mother, "Don't worry, ma'am, we'll take care of your daughter" -- stopped her as she was headed to the shower and asked her bluntly: "Swift, why do you look like you want to" have sex with me?
Stunned, she said she replied: "You have lost your mind."
A day later, on a convoy, he persisted, she said.
"Dude, no," she told him several times, she said.
Swift said she was unprepared for the come-ons, which had never happened during training at Fort Leonard Wood, Mo. "I was like, this actually happens? This goes on and it's okay?"
She said she reported the incidents to a soldier designated to handle equal-opportunity complaints. He seemed receptive, saying he would tell a captain, she said. But nothing happened.
Her unit soon moved on to Iraq, where her 30-member platoon, with three other women, was based at Camp Lima in Karbala, southwest of Baghdad. Their mission was to support Iraqi police.
Earlier, she said, she had noticed unusual behavior by her squad leader, who warned her away from fellow soldiers with such advice as: "Watch out for that guy. He's going to hit on you." At times, she said, he pulled aside other soldiers and asked them: "What's going on with you and Swift?"
She said other soldiers seemed leery of her friendship.
Privately, she said, the sergeant had asked hours of questions about her life and previous relationships. Swift had grown up in a single-parent family, attended an alternative high school and been married briefly.
One night, as they stood near a Humvee at Camp Lima, he grabbed her and kissed her. "I didn't want to have sex with him," she said. "I didn't like him." But she said she feared retaliation if she refused. "I had a choice," she acknowledges, "but it wasn't much of a choice." She said that some nights, he would pound on her door, drunk and pressing her for sex.
When she ended the relationship after several months, she said, the sergeant was vindictive. She contends that he ordered her to do 4 a.m. workouts and to wear a wall clock around her neck and report every hour in full gear. In all, she said, she was written up at least a dozen times by the sergeant and by others whom she felt he encouraged.
One of her closest confidants was former Sgt. Zach Thompson, her team leader, who had heard about the clock punishment from other soldiers. He described Swift in an interview yesterday as positive and reliable.
"I couldn't have asked for a better soldier," he said. Unlike some new privates, Swift did not founder, he said. She was "really intelligent and would catch on really easily."
"She never told me she was being harassed or abused in any way while we were in Iraq," he said. Had he known, Thompson said, "I would have told her to make a formal complaint." He added: "She's never lied to me, so if she said something, I would have to believe it was true."
Another woman who was in Swift's unit, who did not want to be identified for fear of retribution, said that the same sergeant also propositioned her during her tour in Iraq. She said she had no doubt it had happened to Swift.
Although Swift did not file a complaint, she confided in her mother during phone calls. Her mother, Sara Rich, said she grew so concerned that she finally phoned her congressman, Rep. Peter A. DeFazio (D).
A spokesman for DeFazio said the office's records reflect that Rich phoned in November 2004 to report sexual harassment of her daughter in Iraq and to request help. The office told Rich that it could not help unless Swift signed a privacy waiver.
Swift declined to sign, reminding her mother that she was still under the sergeant's command in Iraq.
Handling Situations Privately
Although Army officials said Swift's allegations "could not be substantiated" after a probe that included interviews with 23 soldiers, they said the investigation found that she had reported incidents about two individuals to a noncommissioned officer who said he would support her if she went forward.
When she declined to make formal charges, he "advised her on how to deal with the situation personally," which, the Army said, "ended what she believed to be inappropriate behavior by two individuals."
The accused sergeant she had sex with is now out of the Army.
Swift's allegations also concern an incident after she returned home from Iraq.
While at Fort Lewis, Swift said, another sergeant in her chain of command made a number of lewd comments to her. One day, when she asked him where to report for duty, he told her: "In my bed, naked."
She said that later, in front of her fellow soldiers, he asked her for sex and she told him to shut up, using an expletive. He ordered her to do push-ups. She reported him to the equal opportunity officer.
The sergeant was given a letter of admonishment and reassigned to another unit. In the Army's news release about her case, officials noted how well the complaint process worked in the incident at Fort Lewis.
The way Swift described it, sexual remarks are part of military life--and she heard many of them. But she said there is a distinct difference when it comes from a superior. "The other soldiers don't have power over you," she said.
Since 2005, the Pentagon has stepped up efforts to aid in reporting such incidents -- posting victims' advocates in many units, for example -- but even so, said Kaplan, the Pentagon spokesman, "when you're in Iraq, you're quite spread out," and soldiers in small units may have difficulties.
Swift had been home from Iraq for eight months when word came about a second deployment in January. After she made her decision to not go, her mother took her to a therapist, who diagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder related to the alleged sexual offenses. (Swift said that the Army later told her that based on its evaluation, she showed stress disorder symptoms but did not have the full-blown disorder.)
Her mother also hired a lawyer, who contacted Fort Lewis to try to arrange a discharge. But the Army said it would not negotiate with deserters, according to Swift's mother. In June, Eugene's police department came knocking at her mother's door.
Swift was arrested in the living room of her mother's home.
Posted by brooke at 10:04 AM
| comments (0)
Sunday, 17 September 06
just pray.
christi thomas - pray that she goes softly, and quietly. and pray for her parents, and pray that you never have to go through what they are going through, and that if you do, that you do it with the grace that they are. lastly, pray for her little sister, pray that one day she is able to reconcile these days and for her peace without her beloved big sister.
Posted by brooke at 10:43 PM
| comments (0)
Thursday, 14 September 06
PEOPLE'S PARADE: Politics, social justice and other Eugene obsessions hit the streets.
stolen from the Eugene Weekly (really, CC it y'all!)
PEOPLE'S PARADE
Politics, social justice and other Eugene obsessions hit the streets.
Eugeneans know how to put on a people's parade, and along with the marching bands and some commercial entries, this year's Eugene Celebration Parade was dominated by good-natured statements on the political scene, the upcoming election, and the human condition.
Taking top honors this year, but getting scant media attention until right now, was the elaborate Peace Train entry organized by the Million Mom March and a dozen other local peace and social justice organizations. About 80 people marched in the entry.
Betsy Steffensen of the MMM was chief organizer, Tim Boyden was the chief engineer and locomotive builder, David Sonnichsen was assistant engineer, Jerry Brule was box car engineer, Bert Byden was choreographic engineer, Karen Steffensen was chief boxcar artist, Carol Melia was musical engineer.
Participating groups included the MMM, CALC, Democratic Party of Lane County Peace Caucus, Darfur Peace Group, WAND, Department of Peace, Wednesday Peace Vigil at the Federal Building, Women in Black, Unitarians for Peace, Free Suzanne Swift. Veterans Against Torture, Middle East Peace Group "We refuse to be Enemies," and Skipping Stones Magazine..
The statement given to the judges reads: "Here comes the Peace Train! Your families, friends and neighbors have joined with our local peace and justice groups to bring you this wonderful train full of love, compassion, and hope for peace in our community and for our beautiful planet. So come ride the Peace Train, All aboard!"
Following the award announcement, Bert Boyden said, "When peace wins, shouldn't it be on the front page?" and, "We want to thank the judges for letting peace win this year. Today peace wins in Eugene, tomorrow the whole world."
Hundreds of Eugeneans volunteered to make the celebration happen and a preliminary count shows that 14,650 wristbands were sold at the entry gates.— Ted Taylor
Posted by brooke at 11:49 PM
| comments (0)
oer's, etc..
okay, i started a work blog. and i'm not a purist at all, and it still needs more work.
oer's, ocw, open content and other jargony o words, its about growing my phd. yeah, the content right now isn't very good, but i'll get there, 'kay? seriously, 2.5 weeks in, i'm doing pretty good.
Posted by brooke at 11:27 PM
| comments (0)
crap
how do you say to someone - well, lets see.. i'd like to help out on your lgbtqi speakers bureau as a straight ally.. but here are my quals.. umm.. i used to identify as a lesbian, and, well, now i don't.. but i still totally dig queer rights and all. holy crap, what a fucking difficult thing to do. yeah. just ask me, i just attempted to do it. oh, holy fuck.
oh well.. it is what it is, and thats how i'm choosing to be seen around logan. i'm a straight ally of the lgbtqi community. oh totally. i love them, and i will stand by that to my grave. i don't care what people try to tell me.
on that note, i gotta dig out my winter gear. its pouring out and my walk to the bus is gonna be COLD.
Posted by brooke at 10:15 PM
| comments (0)
Wednesday, 13 September 06
Parting ain't just.
i logged on tonight and just as i was going to christi's website these words came across my speakers:
Leaving ain’t fair you know
Parting ain’t just
no. it isn't just. no, it isn't. i'm sorry thomas team. i'm so sorry, from the bottom of my heart and back, i am so sorry. i am a stranger and i wish i could fix it, i wish i could. its not realistic to think i can.
i hope for christi a peaceful passing. i wish for the thomas team peace, but i know that won't come easy.
but tonight i sit in just a bit of anger at it all. those lines just seem to hit the nail on the head. parting ain't just. it just isn't. and the words 'cancer sucks' just doesn't seem powerful enough tonight. no, it doesn't.
i have just been so touched by the thomas story. thank you for those of you who've read this blog and read about christi thomas and her family. there are thousands more out there like her, there are other children dying of cancer tonight. i may be writing about this one young woman, but in the end its a bigger story that i'm writing about. i'm writing about all those who are fighting this beast. i'm writing about the story of so many who just don't deserve to suffer. no one deserves this. no, no one. not even your worst enemy.
tonight i will hold the thomas team closer than ever in my prayers. i pray for the strength that they will have as they face the pain of living without their dear daughter, sister and friend. i pray for the strength of all those who have loved this young woman and her family, and i pray that in 4 - 6 months when people start forgetting, that they don't, that the support for this dear family kicks up a notch, because thats when they'll need it the most, when people start to forget and they know that they have just begun their of not forgetting.
Posted by brooke at 10:23 PM
| comments (0)
Tuesday, 12 September 06
half baked thoughts.
i'm working on a project to look at the effectiveness of open courseware. hmm. but, honestly i don't like the design of the course we're using. it simply isn't appropriate for the audience. it needs to be good instruction.
hmm.
and then there's the idea of reuseability. and good instruction. hmmm.
i guess this falls somewhere on the contiuum wiley showed us the other day. hmm. because the course is not good e-learning, but it can be changed around pretty easily. and it can be printed and read in book format. and maybe thats the purpose?
but what is the purpose of ocw? (open courseware) is it instruction? is it a course? what is instruction? what is a course? wiley posed these questions to me today. well, not posed to me directly, but that was a conversation we got into.
so, by taking the course that i'm going to use for my research can i say that its open courseware? can i say i'm evaluating the effectiveness of it? and at the open content forum that was held, what do they mean when they write about wanting to promote the open education resource movement, what do they mean when they say
"groups to analyze the uses and the effectiveness of OER, to identify gaps in the knowledge base, to raise research questions, to refine methodologies, and to propose guidelines for further OER development;"
what does effectiveness mean? does it mean when its delivered in its raw format? or ? when people simply find it and use it? or ? could we say that the study i'm going to do is pure oer? and if it isn't, how can we study it? i want too! and i think it will help drive people to it, when its n ot just this whacky idea by higher education (and we can do press on it as well).
my advantage is that my major professor was a part of that forum, so i'll ask him.
anyhow, i'm going to chew on this whole 'what is a course' and 'what is instruction vs information thing,' who knows what i'll come up with.
Posted by brooke at 08:22 PM
| comments (0)
see, the activists were right.
um yeah, the activists said this 3 years ago, that the whole iraq war was just a bunch of bull. and i don't need to site some source, because i was one of those activists.
here's a lesson y'all (and i, really) need to learn. the activists are always right. oh, you may think i'm full of it, but all of a sudden we're talking about the patriot act like its new news. (it ain't). and all this war stuff, bush was wrong. the activists knew the news. and there's lots of stuff, from daniel ellsberg to cointelpro, to peak oil (that'll be the last time i talk about that, cause my head's in the sand about it, it scares me).
the activists (the left ones) are always right. you've gotta face it -- hell, i've got to face it. if the mass media would just figure that out we'd save ourselves a lot of hassle, a lot of money, and most of all a lot of lives.
Posted by brooke at 01:23 PM
| comments (0)
11 days of non-violence
yesterday started 11 days of non-violence. my friends in oregon are honouring the time with a lot of interesting events. i wish i could be there, but since i can't, i'm going to do mark the days in my own way. i'm going to do some personal work (okay, i'm always working on myself), towards looking at how i act in violent ways (violence, imho, is defined in many different ways, and it doesn't necessarily have to be obvious to people) and correct those ways. i already have some ideas about how i can change. it should be a good thing for me.
Posted by brooke at 09:26 AM
| comments (0)
Monday, 11 September 06
more prayers are needed
i keep writing about a young woman, christi thomas in this space. y'all my readers might think i'm whacky for writing about her, and normally i'm not one to write about strangers.. but her story has had a huge affect on me. christi is dying. yes, cancer kills --> y'all know that. it kills the young --> y'all know that too. and that is just simply heartbreaking -->yet another thing y'all know. i try to put words to what i might imagine the thomas family is going through, and i know that i can't. i can't even begin to imagine the hell that they are walking through right now.
there are people dying and suffering every day of cancer, and other awful awful illnesses. if you know one of those people, how ever it is you talk to the greater (personally, yeah, i talk to god), please include that person in your talks.
if you don't have someone to talk to the greater about, please include the thomas team in your talks. they are good people, they do good things, they seem to be 4 people who strive to be their best in everyday. and my goodness, christi's mother is such an incredible woman -- she teaches middle school full time, is a wife, a mother to 2 daughters, *and* she's a phd student. oh, and one of her 2 daughters is dying.
anyhow, i'll shut up now. i guess i'm just doing my best to support these strangers who's story helped me heal some fear i had around my own father's cancer. what a gift they gave me, and i'm simply trying to give back.
Posted by brooke at 11:19 PM
| comments (0)
Sunday, 10 September 06
what were you thinking that day?
all this talk about 9/11. i remember the day, i remember where i was when i found out.. anyhow, the advantage of being a blogger? i have my thoughts recorded from that day. here it is:
september 11, 2001
i've been in a daze all day today. i heard the news 30 minutes after it happened. i thought that npr was broadcasting something to prepare us for something like this to happen.. a kind of war of the worlds. i didn't want to be sucked in, i didn't want to believe it, i didn't want to be fooled like so many had been when that was broadcast.
then our local station cut in. jenny knutzen, the familiar voice of my morning drive. she said that they were going to be cutting back to the npr network, and that local news may or may not be broadcast.. thats when i started to realize that this was truth.
by the time i arrived at work my thoughts had turned to the people that i knew that are in the city. i slowly but surely was able to find the people i know. my stepsister, john, tony, my cousin, ariel and big zack. by the time i left work i'd heard about my stepsister, and my other stepsister who i didn't know was in the city.. i'd talked to john, and tony-- he couldn't call out, but his dsl worked. i was almost all relieved.
i left work early today, i had a drs appt. i was glad to get out of there. i was glad to be able to not sit in front of a computer, glad to be able to not be around so many people and to be able to control what i heard.
i danced from place to place to place. i called people i love and care for, i wanted to make sure they were okay. al, he's fine.. but he might have to go to work. amber, she's fine, she's in shock. my dad is fine. he was on a plane, i didn't know that. he was on his way to pittsburgh.. it turned around, went back to roanoke, he went home. mom, mom is okay.. mom is always okay. mom and dad both talked to zack, he's okay. zack found out that ariel and big zack are okay. and my cousin, she can see the smoke, but she, her daughter, her mother.. they are all fine.
i went from my drs office, to mother kalis, to home, to janelle's, to lunch, back home, to janelles, back to mother kalis, to my neighbors and finally home. a day that has gone to slow, a day i don't remember, i just know that today happened.
i called my therapist. i asked her if my feelings were normal. i asked her if my shock and tears were okay. she said that anyone with a social conscious would be disturbed, that my reaction was normal, that i wasn't the only one feeling this.
i left mother kalis tonight, i had parked in the basement, i rode the elevator, i tried to imagine what it might have been like to be in an elevator in the world trade towers, i tried to imagine how i'd feel if i felt the box all of a sudden starting to shake, and if it stopped and wasn't destroyed, what it must have been like to not be able to get out. and then when it started to collapse, the uncontrollable feeling.. did they feel anything? or was it too fast?
i'm scared, and i don't know why. i don't feel threatened. i just know i'm scared. and i hope i'll be able to sleep tonight. i hope i'll be able to sit still at work tommorrow. i hope i'll be able to get much needed work done.
but tommorrow won't be normal either. hopefully shock will stop. hopefully i'll be able to start speaking my mind. hopefully when i talk about it i won't be on the verge of tears. hopefully i'll be able to keep my emotions in better check.
right now, i just hope that there is no more violence. i'm tired of it. i'm scared of what is next. i'm scared that there will be more violence. i'm scared that muslims and arabs will be singled out in their communities. i'm scared that we will only continue this circle of violence, and i know that won't accomplish anything, because the one solid, real thing that i know today, is that violence does not beget peace. violence only begets violence.
please make it stop, now.
Posted by brooke @ 10:43 PM PST
Posted by brooke at 01:33 PM
| comments (0)
Friday, 8 September 06
a public service announcement from the Rural Organizing Project
Dear Ropnetters
A member of the Oregon House of Representatives, Kropf, traveled to the southern border earlier this year to be an active participant in the Minutemen border patrol. He did this quite publicly, using his radio time to talk this decision up.
An Oregon Chapter of the Minutemen has now formed and is demonstrating great vitality as it people's daily multi- hour protests geared to intimidate. In the past week they have gotten two front page articles above the fold in The Oregonian and other media markets are finding them to make equally excellent press - such excellent press in fact, that the media is not bothering to pay attention to the relatively dull meetings one block away, where community leaders, day laborers and area residents are meeting to ensure safety for the day laborers who carry on a biblically honored tradition of rising early each morning to see who might need a worker.
Prior to attending the strategy meeting at Centro Cultural this past Friday, I walked through the minutemen protests. They were blocking the sidewalk. But they knew the law as well as I did and parted with great cheer, welcomed me, adored my dog and reacted with politeness when I told them that my dog liked immigrants and that I was a daughter of a citizen who first arrived in this county in 1949 without any papers. They never lost their cheer.
I was thrown back to 1992 and the infamous 18 month campaign led by the OCA (Oregon Citizens Alliance) that made history by asking a populace (Oregonians) to endorse a re-writing of a constitution to remove protections from a handy category of people - gays and lesbians. And they smiled with great cheer as they stood outside of every grocery store and post office to qualify their measure for the '92 ballot. But their signs reeked of hate. Hate crimes soared, communities divided and 2 people died. One elementary school cancelled recess for much of the October leading up to election day in an effort to stop the playground brawls that acted out the parent's politics.
Immigration, historically and currently, is a heated topic. And when scapegoating is allowed to enter in, you can get the worst of human behavior - violence aimed at the target group. (Even when the target group is hard to identify - just who is documented?)
Many human dignity groups and individual members may feel torn over how to enter this policy debate especially when it is so heated. But moments like this are the real reason that groups like ROP exist. We exist to calm destructive hysteria by re-orienting tough wedge issues to the basics of inclusive democracy and human dignity.
And sometimes the issue can be made real simple - do not allow rising hysteria over immigrants, documented or not, to allow us to make sloppy community or political decisions. This past week a plane filled with French passengers refused to allow the plane to depart until a teen being deported by the French government to Nigeria was removed. They knew it was wrong to drop a child in a land unknown to them. Now those passengers will have a story of resistance to hand down to their grandchildren.
The week prior to direct contact with Oregon's Minutemen, I sat through a town hall in St Helens with Senator Wyden. Conversation was derailed by some reasonably pleasant looking folks who spouted increasingly vile statements about immigrants. Their 'facts' and venom went largely unchecked as Wyden and the room seemed stunned by the intensity. Where do you even start? How do you keep that venom from getting directed at you? As we all work to puzzle out what comprehensive immigration reform looks like in 2006, we can demand decent discourse, we can expose vigilante tactics, we can hold up our own family histories with past cycles of immigration hysteria and we can challenge slurs.
Below is a draft letter working to expose the reality of the cheery bunch at the corner in Cornelius. Does your group have a plan for when the newest face of a hate group comes to town? Contact ROP if you would like to gather and strategize - this fall is a good time to anticipate that the temperature will rise on this wedge issue.
thanks, marcy
Dear Editor,
An anti-immigrant vigilante group has been harassing the day laborers who congregate near Centro Cultural, in Cornelius. The group pickets, and also videotapes workers to intimidate them, assuming that all day laborers are undocumented immigrants. The vigilantes say publicly that their actions are not racially motivated, but a look at their website is disturbing.
Undocumented immigrants are referred to as animals, criminals, drug dealers, and rapists. People who work with immigrants also come in for abuse, as does Centro Cultural, Oregon's Governor, the Democratic Party, liberals, socialists, and of course, gays. This website's motto is "I will not rest until illegal aliens get treated like the criminals they are."
People have the right to say and believe what they will. What concerns us is when local politicians give encouragement to this type of protest. On August 19, Cornelius Mayor Terry Rilling visited the vigilante protest and posed for website pictures. The website mentioned that Mr Rilling was running for State Representative and urged support for him. The picture on the website looked like a chummy good-old-boys get together with Cornelius' mayor, not someone on a fact-finding visit.
Immigrants have lived in our communities for generations. Many people who came here as immigrants are now US citizens. A campaign to treat all undocumented immigrants as criminals tears at the heart of our community. When an elected official and a Republican nominee for state representative appears to lend support to this type of vigilante effort, everyone in the community is endangered. It sends the message that only the 'right ' people deserve representation in local or state government.
The issue here is not immigration. The issue is whether we support vigilante action and partisan abuse, or do we look for solutions that build community? We call on Mayor Rilling to publicly disavow any connection to the vigilante protests at Centro Cultural, and to denounce the tactics being used by the so-called 'Minutemen'.
Marcy Westerling - marcy@rop.org
Rural Organizing Project - Rebuild America - Join our efforts to Advance
Democracy in Rural Oregon
P.O. Box 1350
Scappoose, OR 97056
(503) 543-8417
www.rop.org
Posted by brooke at 11:16 AM
| comments (0)
a morning message from the dalai lama
If we live our lives continually motivated by anger and hatred, even our physical health deteriorates.
-His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Posted by brooke at 09:00 AM
| comments (0)
Wednesday, 6 September 06
Ain't it del.icio.us?
I've recently become hooked on a website called "del.icio.us." It's an easy to use, especially with the plug-in for Firefox, site where you create your own account and then as you are surfing bookmark sites and create your own tags for them. Its all about creating your own meaning out of the web (the semantic web? look this up!), but then also hopefully sharing your information with others who also use the service. I am enjoying the social aspect of it for sure. I have added a few of my COSL collegues to my 'network' and each week I try to take time to see what they are looking at. If there is something of particular interest to me on their links I'll add it to my own. Thats the reason the site was created. But the other reason I like it is portability. I do research online on 2 main computers - my laptop at home and my desktop at work. I've found that del.icio.us is a great way to solve the problem of "What was that site I bookmarked at work (or home)? I could really use it right now."
Posted by brooke at 12:30 AM
| comments (0)
Tuesday, 5 September 06
freire was a constructivist
i assume so. just got through chapter 1 of "educational research" for the most part kinda dull, except for the part about constructivism vs positivism and postpositivsm. positivism is quantative research, objective reality, etc.. constructivism is not. each thing affects the other. quite facinating.
i'm only through 2 chapters of pedagogy of the oppressed, but this book speaks about how positivism and postpositivsm can be oppressive, while constructivism is not. is constructivism an epistemology for revolution?
i worry about how constructivism is not generalizeable, that it gets so stuck in all the individual relationships. while the other is more generalizeable. but luckily there is mix methods. i need to go back and reread that section.. but it will be interesting to see how my own research pans out. will i take the constructivist approach? or ? i want to make world change and i wonder how it can happen looking at indvidual case studies.. but then again how can you not look at the whole system.
world change work is a long process. i wish it weren't so, but i may just have to accept changing one heart at a time.. maybe its the whole pay it forward thing, or something exponential? if i get published does that mean that my exponentiality grows? or ? it'll be interesting.
its about the localization processes, yep. i think thats what i'll be studying next semester. not sure what that means, but.. hmm.. maybe like the BOP stuff talks about creating something for one specific population and then adapting for another. but this is research.
facinating stuff and i'm drawing all sorts of lines, but so far they all go back to freire. i hope to make time this semester to finish at least P of the Op. its definetly a seminal work, that so much other stuff is built on.. or is it built on everything else? hmm. okay, that was a stupid question.
lets move on now, shall we?
btw. keep praying for that amazing cat loving little girl (christi thomas) and her family. things kinda suck for them right now.
Posted by brooke at 11:46 PM
| comments (0)
yeah yeah
okay. y'all are right. there is existance. i admit it. okay? lets not make a big deal of it, shall we? okay. time to move on so i can continue to be all cynical and stuff. don't expect any sentimentality out of me, okay?
yeah yeah, left vague for many reasons. ha!
10 more pages of ed research, whoo hoo!
Posted by brooke at 11:07 PM
| comments (0)
making amends to someone
i need to make amends to someone, but i don't think that person speaks the language of amends. i'm not sure how to do it, besides just doing what i can to make that person's life easier, or to just be helpful. its difficult and i don't like that i came in here so cocky. *agh* i'm going to seek out the advice of a grad student that's been around for a long time and who's demeanor and just way of being i completely honour and respect.
*sigh*
i gotta go get tofu and then go study.
Posted by brooke at 08:18 PM
| comments (0)
Monday, 4 September 06
still in need of prayers, or other conversations with the greater
christi thomas and her family are still in need of prayers, or other such talks to the greater for them. i know, i know, lots of people need such conversations, but thats what i'm asking of y'all. like i said, its a selfish thing on my part -- i did a lot of my own personal healing around my father's illness because i was fortunate enough to be able to read her story. the least i can do is ask for people to keep her and her family in their thoughts.
Posted by brooke at 12:53 PM
| comments (0)
Sunday, 3 September 06
hard time with grading
i'm doing an assignment for a class. i'm realizing that i'm having serious issues with being graded. i'm insecure as it is, but to put numbers on my work, well, that just cuts across all lines of insecurity. it doesn't feel good. no, it doesn't feel like a good way to create knowledge, or meaning. my focus becomes on getting it right, not on learning what i need to learn.
and then there's all this taking things out of context. it doesn't work. it just doesn't work. it doesn't feel like good learning. or at least not the kind i've been doing for the past 8 years. for the past 8 years i've been on the ground, learning as doing, not learning as reading and then doing exercies that don't fit what i'm doing. everything that i learned was applicable in the moment. i learn a hell of a lot better that way, than this way.
shit.
and yeah, if you think this little fret has nothing to do with my program of study, think differently. a fret about how i learn and create knowledge is totally applicable to what i'm doing.
yeah. and it makes me think about the ocw course.. how to apply it to their lives? how to make it easier to absorb? will it actually work?
looking at my struggles with this damn class and this darn exercise i would think that it won't work. i can apply this to the work i'm doing right now, but yet i'm struggling.
*sigh*
my coffee maker calls.
---
later. just saw this in the eugene r - g.
Youth program goes bilingual
By Jack Moran
The Register-Guard
Published: Sunday, September 3, 2006
SPRINGFIELD - For the past decade, the LEAD youth program has helped guide hundreds of local, low-income teens through the rough waters of adolescence.
Now, organizers of the Leadership, Education, Adventure, Direction program say it's time to focus some of their work on the Eugene-Springfield area's growing Latino population.
A youth group designed specifically with Spanish-speaking teens in mind will begin weekly meetings this month in Springfield. About the only difference between LEAD's two English-language clubs in Eugene and the new group is that the program's existing leadership-development curriculum will be presented in Spanish.
"We've been wanting to outreach to teens and families who are Spanish-speaking and don't access our services in English," LEAD director Maj Rafferty said. "We know there are a lot of teens who can benefit from this. We've had (Spanish speakers attend the English-based groups), but we figure these things will make more sense to them in their first language."
Those "things" include promoting a healthy, drug-free lifestyle and developing leadership skills.
Rafferty and others say the need for a Spanish-language version of the LEAD program has increased sharply since the organization started in 1996.
"This will bridge a huge gap in this community, and I am thrilled to see it happening here," said Patricia Cortez, youth program coordinator at Amigos Multicultural Services Center in Eugene. "I don't know of any other program like (LEAD) that offers its services in (Spanish). This can only help us create a more collective community, and one that embraces all kinds of people."
It's unclear how many Spanish-speaking teens live in Lane County. Census counts put the county's Hispanic population at about 17,000, but that could be a low estimate.
The new group will meet Wednesday evenings at Brattain House, which through the Springfield School District provides community services, including an English-language learning program for Spanish-speaking students. Many of those youngsters will likely join the LEAD group, said Gloria Griffin, a Brattain House project coordinator.
To qualify for LEAD, a youth must be between the ages of 12 and 17 and qualify for free or reduced lunch programs or other assistance. LEAD is a nonprofit funded through private donations, grants and contributions from the city of Eugene and Lane County.
To many teens, LEAD works as a support group. Some join to gain leadership and job skills. Others sign up because they'll get a chance to take part in monthly outings where they can raft a river or go scuba diving. Youths involved with the program typically come from families who can't afford to go on those sorts of trips, Rafferty said.
Before participating in any LEAD activities, teens must pledge to follow what the group calls the Three Commitments: staying in school through graduation, obeying the law, and identifying and following a "life assignment" of their choosing.
Anyone who breaks a rule faces discipline from a peer review board, which can suspend teens from the program.
"It's like positive peer pressure, and it works," Rafferty said. "A lot of (the teens) don't have powerful role models, so they latch on to LEAD and it becomes a great thing for them. They're able to share their own difficulties with others who understand where they're coming from, and it gives them a chance to work together and figure out ways to solve those problems."
Be a LEADer
LEAD, a Eugene-based youth-leadership program for low-income adolescents between the ages of 12 and 17, is now recruiting new members for its three groups, which meet weekly from mid-September through June. Two groups are based in Eugene. A third group for Spanish-speaking teens will meet in Springfield. The program is free to teens who qualify for free or reduced school lunch programs or other types of aid. To sign up, phone LEAD's office at 342-TEEN. For more information, visit www.leadteen.com
Posted by brooke at 09:45 PM
| comments (0)
