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Sunday, 2 April 06 ::
hard
today was hard. i was really nervous before the forum and paced a lot. i was nervous about many things, including bringing 2 of my 3 worlds together -- heart of now and the peace community.
but everything went well, it could have been better, but for the most part it went well. i have feelings about how a few things went, but for the most part, i was excited to see my vision of today come to fruition. and i was incredibly grateful that g was co-facilitating.
afterwards g and i talked about a variety of things, including our friendship. i told him what i wished for in our friendship but that i've come to accept the place he holds in my life. i told him that i know that when we do connect the connection is genuine and caring.
at the end of our time together i asked him again about hanging out. i ask him of this on a regular basis. he's a busy guy who is planning a wedding. i got that, but i took a risk. i also took a risk and told him that maybe we could just get together and cuddle? i'm craving that space he holds for me so well. luckily he seemed receptive. so, he said to give him a call next week -- after this weekend -- which i will.
this living with my heart so open is hard. and its terribly hard to close it off. it takes so much energy. and it hurts. it brings me great joy, but it also hurts a lot. i thought i was sensitive before, and now i find myself even more sensitive. its a lot of work.
posted by brooke at April 2, 2006 08:28 PM
