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Friday, 27 January 06 ::
humour
at the last heart of now my friends told me i was funny. i mean, yeah. i was on the platform** and they were all laughing at me. no, they weren't laughing at me, they were laughing at how i was saying things.. this had to be clarified for me, while i was standing there. yeah, up there, all exposed and shit, and that was the first time i was really able to hear that i was funny.
now, now i'm all self-conscious of it and all. yeah, i mean, really self-conscious. now that i know that i can be funny, when i try to, well.. it falls flat. this is not an awareness i like. no, its not. i wish they'd never told me, because now that i know, i want to be funny all the freakin' time.
yeah.
:P
y'all know i love you, but i really wish you'd just let me believe that y'all were laughing at me, instead of with me. :P)
anyhow.
i think i'm coming down with a cold. fun. yeah. fun. :P and i'm looking forward to a day with the teens tommorrow, and now i may not be able to go. fuck me. anyhow, we'll see how i feel in the morning. maybe i'm just exhausted because today was a more active day than i've had in a long time. got a lot done for unnamed organization, more than i've gotten done since my surgery. felt good, but now i'm exhausted. and i deliberatley exposed myself to my good friend k, just cause i wanted to see her some more, after talking to her on the phone for an hour. it was good to see her and talk to her. things are easy with her, really easy with her, unlike other friendships i seem to have these days (now, there's a judgement, or, well, yeah, something i need to clear, eh? gotta love it :P). nothing seems loaded. i love ya k.
and my aunt now has a weblog. hey aunt s, will you email me the url again, i've misplaced it! welcome to the blogging world my dear aunt, i'm looking forward to getting to know this side of you.
okay. i'm rewatching a few episodes from scrubs, and maybe i'll put on 'bend it like beckham' and fall asleep to it. i'm enjoying scrubs episodes, because like friends -- yes, friends, ya wanna know why? -- because like friends, scrubs makes me LAUGH. i'll watch anything that tickles my funny bone. yes, laughter is terribly important to me.. because as the quote -- that used to be at the top of this weblog --- says "at the height of laughter, the universe is a kaleidescope of possiblities." that kaleidescope is important to this person who once lived in hoplesseness 95% of the time. i live in that hopelessness much less of the time now, but its still there, and, while i hope i never go back to that 95%, i don't have full faith that i can't. so, laughter, it gives me hope. and to be able revel in the glory of laughing at even the most stupid of things, well, that means a lot to me. yeah, it brings me out of darkness, and i think it helps to keep it at bay. and goddess, that is IMPORTANT. keeping hoplessness, and darkness at bay, well, its more than important, as someone who's been there, i can say its part of what is saving my life. so, yeah. friends, scrubs, i can't wait to find more mindless things to put in this dvd player to keep myself laughing, cause i'll tell ya -- laughing is far better than other things i've experienced in my lifetime.
g'night all. see you in the morn. maybe not, because goddess, i hope i feel okay, because i really want some more time with those lovely teens i work for. good rockstar kids, yeah, dig-it, good rockstar kids (yeah, for you hon'ers out there, bigger rockstars than that 6 foot tall one that hangs at lvec with us, and that says a lot coming from me).
gotta love a sugar / emergen'c high, eh? hahahahahahahaha
**platform: an exercise we do at heart of now wherein a student stands in front of the classroom full of assistants and other students, on a platform, and has a conversation with the teacher-types in the room. in my opinion it is the most powerful exercise in the course. i have been lucky (??) to experience this exercise 4 times, i have friends who have never done it.
posted by brooke at January 27, 2006 10:13 PM
