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Monday, 26 September 05 ::
each time...
i go out to lost valley i come closer and closer to the conclusion that the work i'm doing as an activist just does not feed me. its not enriching, its not exciting, its full of anger and stress. there's no room for people and our being human, there's no room for taking care of each other -- just trying to take care of the world.
*sigh*
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i felt more solid as an assistant this time. i felt competent. i felt like i could actually make a difference for myself, and others.
anyhow.
i could write a lot more, but i'm not sure what else there is to say about it all. what else there is to say beyond what i've said outloud and too myself. i love the work there. i love feeling what i feel there. i want to create what i have there in the rest of my life... i want that kind of affection. i want that kind of love. i want that acceptance of me in all my states. i just want all that............................. everywhere.
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we got to make next steps as assistants. thanks to j for helping me out. i have already moved forward with my 2 steps. i've already got a date with a friend i met when i was doing al-anon. i just happened to run into her one day at kinko's and a reconnection was made. i told her where i'd been, and i actually feared being judged.... but she didn't and was totally supportive.. as am i of her staying with the progam. what works for her doesn't necessarily work for me, and vice versa... anyhow, i enjoyed the connection, and when i called tonight i was so happy to hear her voice.. i could hear the smile. anyhow. and i bought some almonds -- i'd like to start really nourishing myself in all aspects of my life.. one of the big ones is around being in my home. i love making myself good food, i love cooking at heart of now, i love what we create there.. and i love it when i create it for myself at home, so i'm going to make almond butter with my champion juicer.
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i had a conversation tonight with someone about frozen needs.... in hon langauge that would be 'damage'.. anyhow.. there's something with my attachments and my depression that is linked. i'm hoping to be able to find some space to explore that at the practice group in the triads.
i need to send an email tommorrow about the practice groups, i need to find another person to lead the practice group.
posted by brooke at September 26, 2005 08:44 PM
