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Thursday, 28 July 05 :: illness

a friend of mine is sick. he suffers from the same chronic illness that i do, and for 10 years he was in remission. he's not right now. i am.

he and i aren't close, his sister and i are, and yet last year when he heard that i was in the throes of our common illness, he told his sister he wanted to connect with me, to offer support.. because of life stuff we never did, and i recovered.. but it was nice to know that he wanted to give me support.. and now that the tables are turned.. well..

i don't like that this friend is suffering. he's a good guy, a really good guy.. a good brother, a wonderful uncle. and he's terribly nice (like his sister). i don't like that he's suffering. i want to make it all better for him. like everyone who is suffering, i have this image that i'd just like to hold him till its gone. but i can't.

tonight i talked to his sister -- my friend -- about where he is with the illness. my friend said they are going to go swimming with him tommorrow, and i've decided to not go to the meeting i'm scheduled to go to tommorrow night. connecting with him is more important than saving the world tommorrow night.. even if its just a simple 'hey, call me, i get it.' and thats all, its something.

*sigh* i hate this illness. i hate what it does to people. no one should ever suffer from it. i wish i didn't, but more of all i wish no one else did. i would suffer for everyone if i could stop the suffering caused by this illness.. and i don't say that to be a martyr, i don't say it to seem like some big hero, i say it because i mean it.

blessedly i'm nearly in remission-- a new term i heard today, and one that i like. my doc says i am, and i believe her. i've been to the places this friend is, and it feels good not to be there. i feel strong enough to offer my support to this friend, and it feels good that i can.

i've got a long day tommorrow.. i've got a lot of stress on my shoulders right now around a lot of things.. but all day long i'll be keeping this friend in my thoughts. i can't wait to see him, and selfishly, i can't wait hug him, and tell him i care, and offer my support. if he's open to it, it'll be nice to share his burden.

posted by brooke at July 28, 2005 12:05 AM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.