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Thursday, 9 June 05 :: i know, i'm rather silent.

yeah. i know i am. i've got a lot going on in my head, i'm rather stuck up there. i'm trying to figure it all out. i'm trying to keep my head above water. i'm starting a new job, i'm becoming a new person. i'm desperately trying to figure out why i've barely been on a date in a long time and why I don't have a long term partner. i'm desperately trying to figure out why i'm alone, and so many other people are not. i'm desperately trying to be comfortable around couples so obviously in love. i'm desperately trying to come to peace with the fact that i am a HUGE looser that is obviously not all that loveable. i don't know why i don't have a huge group of friends that i camp with every weekend. i don't know why i don't have people i go to lunch and dinner with regularly. i don't know why i'm not going to close girlfriends big family events -- why i don't have such girlfriends. i simply don't understand.

thats where i am these days. in my head, trying to understand how unloveable i obviously am.

posted by brooke at June 9, 2005 10:22 PM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.