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Wednesday, 11 May 05 :: what did i learn?

its been a whirlwind last 2 days. getting home, jumping back into my life, jumping back into currently filled with high drama. i'm glad i got some tools for myself this past weekend. i'm glad i went and really lived with some of the stress i deal with.

what did i learn last weekend?

i learned to be present in my own body.
i learned to be aware of my needs.
i learned that i can express my needs in a way that allows for others to express their needs as well.
i learned that people do see me, that i'm not always invisible.
i learned that people are not always going to do what i want them to do, but sometimes they actually will do what i want them to do.
i learned that i am likeable -- not by everyone, but thats okay, and if they don't like me, it is about them.
i learned the power of human touch, and that it is natural to crave it and want it.
i learned that human touch grounds you, that it connects you.
i learned that attachments are what they are, that its okay to be attached, but to let go of the results of those attachments.
i learned how to listen, how to be present and to open my mind as a person spoke, instead of paying attention to what i was going to say next.
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like i said, i've jumped back into drama, i've jumped back into my life. i think i would have appreciated time away from it all, time to reflect, time not to go back into a life of denial, time to really contemplate how i was going to integrate these new things -- wants, needs, desires -- into a life that really is a rat race. i wish i had had that time just to be with it all. i didn't get it and i'm desperately trying to work all the pieces together.

i heard that whole communities have taken part in heart of now. i've heard that its changed how those communities work. i wish my community would do that, i wish it had. its a way of connecting at a heart level that is hard to convey unless you've done it. i'm grateful that a couple of those that i'm closest too have. in dealing with one high drama that i've been forced into i can talk to one of those folks with my intentions and needs and he hears it, he understands the language i'm trying to speak. but others, its harder, though they hear what i say, that connection that i so desire just isn't there.

posted by brooke at May 11, 2005 10:16 AM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.