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Monday, 11 April 05 ::
this being sick crap
has taught me a lot. of stuff i don't think i want to know. :P
warning.. pity party ahead.
no, brooke has NOT been busy. she's been going crazy, stuck in her house feeling like crap. and NOT once did any of my coupled friends say 'hey brooke, can i bring over some _______?'
i guess thats a difference between me and them. they get sick, i offer to help out, i offer to bring them tea, i offer lots. because when i'm sick i don't have anyone to do that for me. i forget they've got it, and i want to make sure that they know that someone notices them.
*sigh*
all these people saying "NO DON'T GO!" but wait, when i'm sick you don't notice, if i don't go to a meeting you don't raise an eye "hey, where's brooke?" nope.
yes, i know people are very wrapped up in their lives.. i wish they'd remember that, yes, i am wrapped up in my life as well, but dammit, sometimes it gets lonely, not all the time.. but sometimes.
yes, i am as guilty as they are for not paying attention. i am. and yes, if i were partnered, goddess knows, i'd do the same thing.
*sigh*
hey! when is the coffee going to kick in?? do i need more? probably. somewhere around here there's some chai.
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i need to write about my life being in an uncomfortable state of flux. living here in eugene for the next 1.5 years, and then going to somewhere for grad school. 1.5 years is a long time, but is it long enough to make new friends, new committments.. with the whole 'i'm leaving next year' over my head, i find myself reluctant to extend myself, to say 'hi new friend, i'm glad to meet you, are you willing to extend yourself to someone who is leaving in a year and a half?' hopefully the plan is, though, that i'll come back after i'm done (but i make no guarantees).
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*sigh* the coffee is NOT kicking in.
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what's on the agenda for the coming week? meetings.. tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday. friday is tax day. wand will be in springfield, the civil resistance group won't be resisting, but instead will be at gateway doing something dramatic. saturday is an all day human rights advocacy training. what else? studying for the gre -- i checked out books from the library. i want to do well on it, really well.
i'm gonna email my professors this week. ask about them filling out these letters of reference for me. i'm gonna ask them about potentials for an assistantship at uga.
i am GOING to make time to make bread. i haven't made it in SOO long and it is so good for me to make it. it nourishes me to make something nourishing for my friends.
i'm GOING to spend more time curled up in my papasan in front of my living room window reading, cause goddess, that was nice yesterday.
i'm GOING to connect with some folks i've been meaning to for awhile.
i'm GOING to get my head out of pity party mode and into life's a party mode!
i'm GOING to get better and start exercising my body and lungs again -- its been over a week!.
i'm going to write another personal for the weekly.
i'm GOING to laugh some more.
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okay, the coffee might be kicking in.. either that or the music on the ipod is helping.
posted by brooke at April 11, 2005 10:03 AM
