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Friday, 10 December 04 :: maybe not too thrilled

yeah, so i'm not sure the al-anon's are too thrilled with me.. told them tonight how happy i was that i was telling my friends what i've been up too the past 1.5 months, what all the meetings were about.

i'm not sure how much folks liked that idea.. after all it is 'anonymous'.. everyone is anonymous.

so, i get the point of letting others be anonymous.. but me and my life.. no thank you, but i'm not comfortable with closets. i never have been, from before i knew what a closet was to the time in my life that the closet was a huge symbol to now - when closets are where my clothes hang... and where people hang the stuff in their lives that they are ashamed of.

i'm not embarassed by al-anon. i'm not embarrased, anymore, by the fact that i go. now, the picky details, folks don't need to know that.. but to admit that i go to a place where i share all the sadness.. and maybe even all the happiness.. where yeah, its a bit corny, but corny is all over the place..

but maybe my experience is different. i don't have alcoholism around me.. the thing i'm trying to control is my depression. i go and i can remain disconnected from the real reason people go. so, in some sense, living out of the closet in this case is easier for me. no family secrets..

goodness, i've gone in a circle. i need to remind myself to have more compassion.

posted by brooke at December 10, 2004 10:54 PM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.