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Saturday, 11 December 04 ::

i'm beginning to think i'll never ever date, ever again.. for reasons unbeknownst to me.

no, no one ever asks me out on a date. no, i have not kissed a man in over a year, yes, its been way to long since i've had sex.

i simply don't understand it. i don't understand why i put my profile up on match.com and no one answers.. why i put personals in to the eugene weekly (though i don't anymore, cause the weekly is unethical) and no one answered.. okay, that was a lie, 2 guys answered - one creepy old guy and another guy who said 'everyone in whiteaker are freaks' .. um, yeah, thanks asshole.. i'll pass that on to OUR MAYOR.

so, yeah, i don't understand it. i thought i was playing good little girl - not gonna consider dating till i have my illness under control.. yeah, and thats why no one asks me out.. but do you know how many folks i hear about who are crazier than me who actually get married and procreate? jeezus fuck.

at one point i thought it was cause i was fat.. but have you seen all the morbidly obese women carting husbands and children behind them????

no, i'm not working, but i'm getting there. maybe thats it. maybe cause i'm not working.. but do you know how many folks who have said 'how can i get what you get?' (re: the not working bit) and really.. i know plenty of folks in my situation with, again, husbands and children in tow. fuck, i know folks in my situation who are proud to be in my situation who never plan on leaving my situation (how dysfunctional is that??) with loving & devoted husbands and children in tow.

*sigh*

but of course this blog is inherintly unpopular.. so i should just realize that unpopular chicks just don't get dates.. EVER.

well, they are all missing out. i'm terribly compassionate, smart, a good conversationalist, humble, a good communicator, terribly self aware, i have many interests, i can entertain myself, i understand neediness, i'll admit when i'm wrong, i have a loving family and friends that adore me.. oh, and based on the comments of my fuck buddy, who moved south and thusly i was not interested in long distance fuck buddying, i'm pretty darn good in bed.

posted by brooke at December 11, 2004 11:14 PM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.