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Thursday, 3 August 06 ::
hey!
i'm not sure how many of you read this blog.. but just in case there are readers out there. it's been a long week. exciting at times, frustrating at others. sad moments too. i've moved. anyhow, i wrote the following on tuesday the 1st. after my first day here. i'll add another entry about the last 24 hours maybe just now, maybe later.
1 August, 2006
My first thought about this whole Ph.D. thing is that it feels like I’ve gotten to ‘the big show’ as my kayaking coach, and bull durham, referred to the big leagues of baseball and races like worlds and even bigger the Olympics. I grew up in academia. My mother got this degree when I was 9, my dad a professor, and all my aunts and uncles, well, Ph.D.s as well. Its not that I have never envisioned myself as a PhD. Student, but what I have felt is that college really didn’t start till I got here.
Its been a long 24 hours since I got here in Logan. It’s been a long week since the last one. I’ve been anticipating getting here, looking forward to today, but now that I’m here, I wish time hadn’t gone by so fast. I miss my friends, I miss Eugene, but most importantly I miss the familiar. I’ve got Eugene wired. I don’t have to think about much when it comes to every day tasks, or driving places, or or or.. anything. But here everything is so unfamiliar. I don’t know where anything is, I have to think to even to the daily tasks. But, I know it’ll get easier, I know that. I’m excited to be around people who have a similar vision of technology. I’m excited to be around people who using computers is second nature. I know that as time goes by, as I get in to a routine, as I start to find people that I can share a cup of coffee with and share my deepest fears about this new challenge, things will get easier.
I wish I could explain the behind the scenes emotion I’m having about this whole PhD thing. When I think about it, I think that I could actually make my dreams come true – professionally. I’m not sure what those dreams exactly look like, but its something about world change, ending oppression, doing something truly great, maybe I can do it. I need to dig incredibly deep and find the resources within me, but I think they are there. I hope they are there, and I hope I can explain this better as the weeks move forward.
I am incredibly sad to leave Eugene. I love some of those people so much. Their lack of being in my life on a daily basis is more than noticeable. I need them. But I guess I needed to leave because maybe my dreams can’t come true there in Eugene, maybe it was just in Eugene that the seeds were planted. Everything happens for a reason, I try to hold close to that, in moments when I question what I’m doing here on my own again, I’ll do my best to remember that. It’s a new life I’m leading, and I’m incredibly grateful for it. Maybe in this life all my dreams can come true, maybe they can.
posted by brooke at August 3, 2006 03:51 PM
