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Sunday, 20 August 06 ::
crying ≠ weak
my dad and i were talking about last week and all that happened, and how it affected me. the week affected me pretty deeply, both when i realized my own naivete, and then when i got an email from someone that i didn't expect, that was full of support. there were tears of sadness, frustration at myself, and relief.
yes. i cry. i cry a lot. since starting to go to Heart of Now and connecting on a much deeper level with myself, and thusly with those around me, i have discovered that i cry. it just happens. and its something i like about myself. i'm able to have a deep emotion, and express it. and i do it in places that some wouldn't think is appropriate.. like at my office.
now, i'm not going to break out into sobbing tears, but even in the 3 weeks i've been at my new job, esp. this week, i have found myself choked up a couple of times, a bordering cry, but not a cry, a sign nonethless that i am having a deep reaction to what is going on. and its a nice sign i'm still connected.
so, dad points out that some people may see crying as weak, but, see, i don't. i am a strong woman who trys to act in integrity with each moment. i have strong beliefs about how to be in the world, i have strong beliefs of right and wrong. i have high expectations of those around me, and higher ones of myself. now, i fail, i'm not perfect -- oh goddess no, i am so far from being perfect its not funny -- but i do my best in each moment. sometimes that best is pretty darn good, and sometimes that best isn't even getting by, but its my best, at least i hope. so, when someone sees me cry, if they see it as a sign of weakness, they can see it as that.. but those who know me, know it isn't a sign of weakness. those who know me know it is who i am. frankly, to me a sign of weakness is showing a lack of integrity, a sign of weakness is not working to be your best in each moment, a sign of weakness is not crying when you want too.
people at my new job may see me cry, but if they've gotten to know me they'll know its just me being me. hopefully if they can't hold it they'll just let me be in my process, because it is that process that is going to get me through the next 4 years, it is that process thats gotten me the enormous gifts i get to celebrate each and everday. it is a process that i honor within myself, and i hope others will honor as well - just as i will honor theirs.
posted by brooke at August 20, 2006 04:55 PM
