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Tuesday, 11 April 06 ::
ode to maj.. or, i've become a part of it -- without noticing.
i went to group tonight. i go to group every tuesday night. today i wasn't looking forward to it, because i have so much to do, and i wanted to stay at the office laughing and working with s. but once i got there i was happy.. as usual. i love group. i absolutely love group. i love the teens, i love the other volunteers, i love the people i work with. yes. i love LEAD.
i've only been there for a short time. i've only been working in the office since right before christmas.. but sometimes it just seems so much longer. it really does.
anyhow. so, i was at group tonight and we were doing our closing and we were all hugging and stuff -- like we always do -- and at one point i looked around and i realized -- i've become a part of this. i mean, i'm doing this goofy cheer and i'm hugging on all these people, and i'm in this process of looking at who i am and working to become the best person i am (because thats what we do at LEAD), and and and.. and these people look at me and they accept me as being a part of this.
i remember coming in and not knowing if i'd be accepted. i mean, i had this idea that i might be, but i wasn't fully sure. i wasn't fully sure if i would ever go from being an outsider to just simply being there. not an insider that excludes, but rather, just a part of the picture.
when i wrote the other day i talked about counting my blessings. i count them and am grateful for them everyday. LEAD is one of those blessings. leaving eugene, leaving LEAD and these people.. its going to be heartbreaking. i mean, seriously and hugely heartbreaking. i'll stay in touch, but i won't have them on a daily basis. i won't have those teens doing their thing that makes me smile, that picks me up on a crappy day. i won't have them in my daily life. i will miss them dearly. you don't come across organizations like this very much.. you don't come across people like 'these people' very often. i mean, everyone has the potential to be just like them, but you don't find that potential developed very often.
i was reading the personal site of this fellow i'm going to work for yesterday night. on it he wrote something about family and how much he loves having one. part of me felt sad because i don't have my own.. but, see.. i don't have my own the way he has his.. but i do.. i mean, really.. LEAD is family. LEAD has become my family.. and i know that in my short time physically here, i've given something back to my family. i know i haven't just come in and taken from them and been here kind of and then am leaving.. i mean, i know i've given them something.... AND they've given me so much back. more than i ever could have imagined when my friend said to me 'i know a small non-profit that could use your skills.'
no maj, i didn't expect this. i didn't expect to become a part of it.. i didn't expect the teens to welcome me with open arms as an adult that they trust. i didn't expect to change so much. i didn't expect LEAD to become something that i live and breathe every day. no, no matter how far i go i will never ever be able too rid this organization from who i am. no, i will never work with people the same, i will never work with teens the same. no no no.
and the reason i titled this 'ode to maj' is because really, i acknowledge that it is her. this is her vision, this is her heart and soul and blood, sweat and teers. to write about LEAD is to write about maj.
yes maj, i don't know if i've said it exactly lately, but thank you. thank you from the bottom of my heart and back. but i hope you know that if i don't say it, that when i talk about how much i love all 'you people' or when i work to get LEAD a laptop, or when i talk about taking the LEAD philosophy to utah state, or when i laugh out loud in the office with s and s, or or or.. whenever i do work that helps out LEAD or our LEAD community that its my way of saying thank you. because the words thank you just doesn't do it justice. i don't know if you knew that i'd fit in so well when you brought me, but i do. thank you. thank you for making me one of your staff, for bringing me in and trusting me with the teens, for showing me how to do this better, for allowing me to make mistakes with them and the office stuff, for taking a chance. and thank you for being so humble about it all. i know you know what you've done, but you take the thank you's with such grace and humility that it makes me just want to thank you more. and i know its not just about you, i know its also about all the staff, teens and volunteers.. but without you, none of us would be here. so, thank you maj.
ps. have i mentioned how proud i am to be a part of LEAD? if it isn't obvious, i am. i am very proud of being a part of this organization. proud and honoured.
posted by brooke at April 11, 2006 09:07 PM
