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Saturday, 25 March 06 :: honestly

i'm under a lot of stress these days. i'm feeling pressure to stay and pressure to go. frankly, no matter what happens, i'm in this alone. i won't be going or staying with anyone.

its not easy to make a living in this town i work in. but i have a lot of friends here. but its not easy to make a living. i love this place, but to stay here and eek by a living doesn't sound comfortable. but to go means i go and don't have a community. *sigh*

both decisions feel heart breaking.

what do i want? i want a partner, a kid, and a job i love. i know too many people who have that. why can't i?

posted by brooke at March 25, 2006 08:41 PM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.