rivervision - since election day of 2000.

Wednesday, 9 November 05 :: why?

why the fuck do i do this to myself? *sigh* go out to a lovely place in rural oregon, and then proceed to, under the guidance of lots of wonderful people, rip my heart out. *sigh*

i saw my 8 year old friend t today. i love that child. i simply love her, and i can't love her enough. i got back from dote and after hearing that morning someone say to a friend of mine 'it is your birth right to be loved and nurtured' and for me to feel in the pit of my stomach the knowledge that i never felt that way, i simply look at t and want her to know how loved she is. it is a part of her birth right and i don't ever want her to be in a room of other adults who are just learning it. i look at t and i just want to hold her tight. i look at t and see so much of me and want to take care of her, like i've never been able to take care of my own self, in ways my own mother wasn't able to care for me. i want sweet t to understand how loved and necessary she is in this world. her birth mother gifted us when she gave t up for adoption. her birth mother gifted me when she started the pieces of allowing my friend p, t's mom, to bring her home to her, and then eventually for t to be in my life. i am a lucky woman to have that little girl in my life, and i want her to forever feel the love so many of us have for her.

posted by brooke at November 9, 2005 10:32 PM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.