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Monday, 21 November 05 ::
home, again.
it was a long weekend. fucker, it was long. and challenging. and there were many times during the weekend when i simply did not feel loved, or loveable. i took the lead of a team, unexpectedly. i learned a lot about myself, about how i work, about my simple being. i was in heart of now space, doing a job like i do in the growers. i was under, okay -- i put myself under, pressure to perform like i do at work, and process emotionally like i do at heart of now. a challenge for anyone, esp. considering i've been moving non-stop for 3 weeks now.
anyhow.
i want to remember what i feel right now. as i was leaving i got to connect with 3 people who i value a lot. who's presence in my life in that space has become a gift. if i were to have said that these 3 men would be friends of mine 7 months ago, or even 4 months ago, i would have said bullshit. but tonight, as i was leaving i connected with all 3.. and told all three how much i cared for them, and it was returned. my heart is so full, i'm about to cry (and my psyche and body so tired, i'm about to cry). 7 months ago i would have felt indebted to them for their words, but now i'm feeling...... goddess, loved. i simply cannot believe how much i can love friends, but with all we witness with each other, i think it makes sense that the bonds are tight.. even though we only see each other once a month (i'm hoping this will change, and each one stated an intention with me to change this as well). i'm a lucky girl. yeah, i really am. one day i hope to be able to say that they are lucky men as well.. i'm working on it.
posted by brooke at November 21, 2005 06:48 PM
