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Wednesday, 2 November 05 :: dote

tommorrow is heart of now 2, aka dancing on the edge..

i want to write down my thoughts about it..

i'm going out as a student again, but this time, we all speak the same language. this seems like a blessing to me. the point is to be able to go deeper, and thats what will happen. there will be a sense of familiarity all around. a sense that we've all been here before, but haven't been.

we-- the students -- are invited to dinner. i plan to go out in time for dinner, and so i can settle into my dorm before our 7pm starting time. again, the sense of familiarity comes up again. thats terribly comforting. i know whats up, i know how to move about lost valley, and yet i'm participating in something i haven't done yet... and yet, i'm a student.. i'll be doing this with friends, not strangers.. fellow assistants. i love getting to work with fellow assistants.. and this will be 4.5 days of working with experienced and more experienced assistants.

everyone says its a lot of fun. thats great. everyone says its edgy.. its about drama and art. i don't do drama and art, thats my edge? yes. i worry about those edges and my willingess to embrace them as i have heart of now 1. i hope i will, i hope i can. i hope that each time i'm presented with something that i don't want to do, that i give space for my not-comfort and give space for myself to explore that, but do it anyways. i hope i can leave work and phd programs aside for those days, that i can fully immerse myself in the experience. i've set that up at work, my co-worker knows what i'm doing, and he respects it. i just hope i can leave all the ph.d. stuff behind. i'll start that process at some point during the day.. i'll work on my statement in the early afternoon and then stop. i'll dash some ideas. i'm good at that.

i've got errands to do tommorrow morning, but i'm a bit excited, so i'm hoping to get up early tommorrow and do those errands before my 11.30 conversation. *sigh* i hope my stomach settles.

okay, bedtime. i've got it down. check in with me later.

posted by brooke at November 2, 2005 11:43 PM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.