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Friday, 1 July 05 ::
the story of the float down.
it was something i'd thought about doing for a long time. i'm terribly afraid of heights, and one day i thought 'if i jump out of a plane, maybe i'll get over those fears.' at some point in my life i even had dreams of floating, flying, feeling weightless. but after awhile, my craving to be in the air dissapated.. but i have always found myself looking into the sky.. at night, on beautiful days.. i've only noticed that i do it recently.. but i do do it, and i do it a lot.
on monday my friend s said she was going to go skydiving.. she asked me if i wanted to go with her. i thought for a moment, and then said yes. we talked about it over the week, and had plans for friday at 10am.
this morning was overcast. at 9.30 we called and it wasn't clear enough for jumping.. it wasn't till 12.30 that we finally left, arriving in creswell at 1pm. needless to say, on the way over the 30th avenue hill, getting a glimpse of the sky above creswell, and realizing what we were going to do, i got scared.
but, i've done this before. doing something that the most scary moment is the moment of beginning. doing something that the anticipation is the scary thing, not the actual thing. i've spent much time above big rapids, waiting for that moment of action. yeah, that moment, the moment between fear and going, that is the moment that i was the most afraid of.
we arrived, filled out our emergency forms, gave them our hard earned money, and i got more scared.. but it was okay. we met the folks who we were to be strapped to, a nice man a bit younger than my father, a nice woman around 20 years of age. both experienced, both with wonderful energy. when the nice man -- u -- heard i was the more scared of the 2 of us, he said he'd go with me. i was glad, as he had wonderful energy, and was extremely understanding with my babbles about how safe what we were about to do really was and how great his energy was.
yes. its all about the energy these days, my heart of now friends, i've learned a lot from y'all in the last 2 months, and i know a lot is about energy.
we suited up, i in a peach suit, susan in red and blue.. we got our harnesses on, and urban explained to me what we were going to do.
what were we going to do? go up in a tiny plane, up to 10,000 feet, strap on to us, and then open the door. our job was to put our feet on the wheel, and they would lean forward, lean back and then out into the sky. we would then get in an arched position, and freefall till they gave us the signal to pull the rip cord. then we would float on down from there. lots of instructions, but good for my brain. i needed instruction, i needed something for it to think about.. and most of all, i needed to realize how natural this was. the arch, completely natural, the floating, the pulling down on the parachute to land -- all body positions that the body naturally goes into when you preform such manuvers.
we took pictures, and then it was time to go up. i was still scared. because urban and i were to go first out of the plane, i rode in the front of the plane.. next to the clear door. without a seatbelt for the majority of the ride up to 10,000 feet.
take off was scary. a little plane, and i do not like turbulence. susan was behind me, so i reached back and put my hand on her belly. i held on to the pilots seat with my other hand. i needed the grounding of my friend, and the security of the seat. i'm glad susan was there, i couldn't have done it without her comfort, and the familiarity of a new heart of now friend. in those moments in the plane i could feel her support, and knew that if others knew we were up there, they'd be supportive, they'd be cheering us on.
finally it was time to go. i felt urban connect himself to me, and that felt good. it was nice to know that i was now attached to a parachute while sitting next to this clear door. it was nice to know that if the door were to suddenly fly open, i would have the safety of urban's knowledge of the air, and the parachute attached to him.
urban opened the door, and i nearly chickened out. but i didn't. i had a task. i had to get my feet on that wheel. i had to not chicken out, i had to do the scary thing. i had to dance on the edge. i had to. i wanted to.
i finally had my head. the task of finding the tire was enough to calm my mind and being able to put my foot on that tire, gave me the confidence to know that i could do this.. plus i knew there was no turning back. i knew i wasn't going to land in that plane, but instead with a parachute above and urban on my back. what a relief to know that the decision to go was now out of my hands. i had stepped from fear and into action.
then it was time. i felt urban go forward, back and then out we were.. we went out sort of sideways in the air. i remember thinking 'this isn't good, we're supposed to be flat.. but he knows what he's doing.' then there i was.. free falling. i'm doing it, i'm doing it. i'm doing it. my mouth is dry. my mouth is dry. gotta close my lips. no, it'll be okay. i'm doing it. this is cool. a lot of thoughts in a short time..
how did the freefall feel? like i was swimming upstream in a river. or sitting underwater in a river. it was loud, and the wind was pushing everything behind me. i had no idea how fast i was going, because it felt pretty slow. it was a feeling i hope never to forget.. i wish i could describe it, but i can't. you can't understand it till you do it.
urban then gave me the signal to pull the rip cord. i fiddled and then desperatly signaled to him to pull it. that was my only moment of scary fear during the whole dive. did urban get it? of course he did, but all i knew was that we were falling, and the parachute needed to open. next thing i knew, our legs were falling down beneath us, it got a lot quieter, and we were floating.
my moment of bliss. yeah. pure bliss. i was flying. oh my goddess, i was flying. ooooh.. this is scary, i'm way up high, but i was flying. oh my goddess.
urban pointed out susan. a pink thing in the sky. i saw her falling, and was afraid for her. she was going fast! oh my goddess.. thats fast! susan, don't faaaaaaaaaaaaalll! and then her parachute opened, and she was floating above us.
"SUSAN, I LOVE YOU" was yelled a few times. "I'M FLYING" was also yelled. "Thank you Urban, thank you so much" also came flying out of my mouth.
i'll admit, i was still a bit afraid being up, and part of me wanted down.. but the float. i was flying.. not like a bird, but i certainly wasn't on the ground. i spotted the ground below and watched it come closer. slowly but surely, i watched it come closer.
at one point urban gave me the chance to pull on the parachute and play with a turn, but frankly, i'd danced on my edge, and that was a bit too over it. i was glad to give him the control. i trusted him fully, i trusted him fully before we went up, and he was in control.
too soon our ride was over. too soon it was time to come down. we watched susan and her partner land, and then it was our turn. we didn't run as i thought we were going too, but we stepped down on the ground, i fell forward a bit.. nothing big. i turned around, and there was susan with her big smile, and a open hug.
will i do it again? maybe. probably. most likely, yes.
posted by brooke at July 1, 2005 10:05 PM
