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Wednesday, 22 June 05 ::
good and bad.
it was a good day today. for the most part.
and i just had this whole entry thought out.. and i lost it.
i got to go out to lost valley today, and i might get to do more than just work on their website. they need help with some kitchen shifts during some of their other workshops, and being that i enjoyed working in the kitchen, i said i'd help when they need it. i'll be glad to get out of the city and to be out there connecting with other lvec folks. i wouldn't do kitchen work for a full time job, but to pitch in and be able to help pay for assisting and studenting, i'm glad to do it.
after i left lost valley i headed up to fall creek, out just past clark creek campground. i needed to walk, i needed to move, and there is a nice trail there. granted, i'm out of shape, but i've been in much worse shape than i am now. i just need to make sure that i move more, that i don't just stand around and collect signatures. i love being outside out of the city, and i want to commit to doing that more. oregon is an incredibly beautiful place.
before i went to lvec, though, i stopped in and talked to a friend. at some point he and i need to sit down to clarify some things. frankly the behavior of a during that situation, in my mind, is inexcusable right now. she deliberately didn't tell me things because she knew what she was doing was wrong... when women talk as much as we were during that time, when one gets together with someone they tend to tell each other. sorry g but a did not tell me about you. she knew i'd react badly. so, i was deceived and manipulated, and i have every right, if i had wanted to, NOT to stick my neck out and get her that s.o. pass. don't take that fatherly disapproving tone with me EVER AGAIN. i'm sick of it, and its very judgemental. i suggest you take your judgements and look at your own behavior -- i'm looking at my own. god. so many people think you are so easy to talk to, so many people think you are so evolved.. oh yeah, "why don't you talk to g about that? he does this and he does that, i saw his process." well, be me and they'll understand that you can't be talked too.... oh and one more thing.. knock a off that pedestal, she hurt a lot of people in her wake. i'm glad she's not coming.
and back. to the good stuff. heart of now practice group tonight. i love the hon women, but these days, i love those hon men even more. i love the safety in their being. i love curling up with them, and looking into their eyes. i know, i know, they all have faults, but in that hon space, they are good men who i feel safe with. even k. yes, even k, in all is wackiness and bad boundaries, i feel safe with and warm being held by. *sigh* i would so like to have one to curl up with every night.
posted by brooke at June 22, 2005 10:34 PM
