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Thursday, 21 April 05 :: exhaustion

i'm exhausted this morning, after 3 nights of not sleeping. when i've got a lot on my mind, or i'm looking forward to something the next day, i don't sleep well.

yes, my mind would rather think than sleep. its plagued me all my life, my mind being more active than my body is often able to tolerate. i have lived a constant nightly battle with the two factions, the mind deep in thought.. from grappling with the depths of the darkest depressions to flying with expectations about my first trip over the atlantic ocean.

last night was one of those nights. no matter what i did i could not settle my mind down. i do have ways to do this, to calm its never ending round about round about of thoughts, but last night, along with the previous three nights, have left me exhausted. after 2 weeks of being mush to a cold, my brain is excited that my body is back to taking action, to working to complete the many tasks it has for its buddy down-low to complete. my brain would stay up all night, not wanting to miss a single thing, if it could. my brain knows the possibilities of every moment, my brain doesn't believe that the body should rest.

maybe tonight, after 3 nights of this, it will sleep. it will calm. but i've got a busy day today, strife with possibilities for future thoughts, future actions, future connections. my brain loves this. my body though.. my body would love it if i were to go work out, lift something heavy, do the things it loves to do, because it knows that if it wears itself out, the brain has no choice but to follow.

posted by brooke at April 21, 2005 10:56 AM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.