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Saturday, 19 February 05 ::
the last 2 days have been good. the last 2 days have been really good. in fact, when i woke up this morning i thought 'did that really happen??'
i know, i shouldn't be star struck in this world of mine, but yet, i still am. i know i should get over it, but this life that i lead, while it is depressing in many ways, in many other ways, it is not.
how do i say what i'm trying to say? there are lots of people like me here in eugene. lots of people who are poor but highly educated. we are the non-disinfranchised poor. we are the ones who know what it is like to stress about how to pay the power bill but know that we have a voice in how to fix that. its not that common to have a whole community of people like me. yeah yeah, i don't care what anyone says, that our community is a dime a dozen, but, when we talk amongst ourselves, we know it is not.
i was talking to my friend p the other day about eugene. i told her i was thinking about looking for jobs outside of eugene. she said to me that its hard for her to find other places that she fits in like she does in eugene, she said to me that i'm like her.
i was talking to another friend recently about this community. i lamented about not being able to find a job or a boyfriend here. i told her nothing was happening for me here. and then we started talking about pete and kitty, andrea and pete. where else would i look forward to seeing our mayor, not cause she's our mayor, but because she gives such good hugs? and having a meeting with my city councilor, not cause she's my city councilor but because i want to catch up with my friend. and running into a county commissioner, not cause i want to lobby him on some issue but because i want to process with him the don hampton loss?
eugene isn't a small town. in fact, its the second largest city in oregon, but it feels that way. often my friends and i comment on that, on how small this place feels so much of the time. we gossip about people, we talk about the latest buzz, we take joy in each other's joys, we work with people who are dealing with sorrows and we support them. it simply blows my mind at times.
my mother has pointed out to me that if i go some place else that it will take a long time to build this thing that i've got here. a lot of times these days i'm willing to let that go, if i can have the other things i seek so much. the last 2 weeks or so i've been searching beyond these borders to such a degree i've lamented to my friends that i was having a hard time committing to things in the future, because would i be here or not? but then the last 2 days happen and it makes me question my decision to look elsewhere for my life. if i have this community, can't i let the other things go? will i feel fulfilled without it? if i get one or 2 of the other things and leave this behind, will i be happy?
last night i ran into pete sorenson at the store, we got to talking about his campaign for governor and we ended up going out for dinner together. we talked about don's campaign, andrea's, and his. i got to tell him my concerns about living in oregon, about my life in context for the work he's doing to take back our state. he listened to me, answered my questions, asked my opinion on things. its not an opportunity that many people have, to sit down for 3.5 hours with a gubentorial candidate and county commissioner. especially someone in the financial situation that i'm in. but in eugene its not that unique. i need to remember this when i look beyond.
posted by brooke at February 19, 2005 12:14 PM
