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Wednesday, 9 February 05 ::
on dad.
hi dad :)
my dad has metastatic prostate cancer. sucks, don't it? he's travelling all over the country seeking out solutions for this bastard. (okay, bastard isn't a bad enough word, and fucker is too fun. i dunno.. mother fucker. yeah, cause mother fuckers are simply unacceptable in this world, unless its the father of the child or friend of the mother.. but all in all, a mother fucker is a bad person.. so, i'll go with that.) he's going to our friend in tucson for accupuncture, and another friend nearby him for accupunture, and duke and sloan-kettering, and the university of virginia. *sigh* i wish he had a reason to go to oregon health sciences university.. if that happened i'd find him a place to stay, and go up, take the days off my job and man hunt, and stay with him.
i love my dad. yeah yeah, we all do.. okay, most of us do.. but not only do i love my dad, but i really like him. i mean, *really* like him.. dad's a close friend. we've worked through our shit, and we came out on the other side of it. its great. except that i live on this side and he lives on the other side. anyhow, thats what i keep telling dad.. if only i didn't like him, this would be a hell of a lot easier.
my aunt emailed me this morning and ripped me out of denial about this prostate cancer... i hadn't talked to dad in nearly a month.. i panicked, and luckily he called me back. i could be kinda pissy at my aunt for pulling me out of denial, but dad - in this new found wisdom of his - said it might be a good thing. it forced me to call him, get the whole story, instead of bits and pieces from mom and aunt.
i think a lot about having a kid. ooohh. i want one so bad. i want my own family so bad. as my friend s puts it, i'm looking for the father of my yet to be conceived or adopted child. yes, and i'm also looking for a best friend for me. but yeah, kid, esp. at my age, is in the real fore front of my mind. since i was 15 or 16 or so, i've always known that if i had a son he'd be named harry. and not because its some fad name, but because i love my dad soo much that how could i not name my kid after him? really. how can i not name my kid after my father. luckily, harry is a great name. and since my brief trip to ireland, i've decided a great middle name is seamus. harry seamus. a good english/irish name. another great name? harriet. harriet the spy. i loved harriet the spy when i was growing up.. she was a ballsy chick. anyhow.. another thing i was thinking about. i hope dad is around long enough for me to have a kid, and for him to meet his namesake. i worry that he won't. it would make me so happy to see my dad with a shit eating grin on his face holding his namesake in his arms. anyhow.
i should be off on my day. thanks to my aunt i'm not that hungry this morning. all for the best, i'm sure. but maybe, before i head over to calc, i'll head up to winco to get shortening for the champion juicer.
hey dad, you should come visit. i'll make you fresh juice. and you can sleep in my ever so comfortable, yet foofy, bed. you can have it all to yourself. with the golden buddha looking over you to keep you safe at night. oh, and i've got something only an engineer can fix.. i'll let you fix it, as thats what dads are want to do when they visit their dear single daughters, without protest :)
i'm rambling.
posted by brooke at February 9, 2005 10:37 AM
