rivervision - since election day of 2000.

Wednesday, 15 December 04 :: if i write about it?

i've not been doing much spiritual work over the last 2 weeks. i've noticed a big difference in myself. i'm a lot less forgiving of both me and others.

but, for some reason, i'm afraid to do the spiritual work. tonight i heard something, maybe even from my sponsor, about not being afraid to do the work.. not the spiritual stuff, but other work. sometimes its hard to go that deep. it really clicked with me. i'm afraid to go that deep again. for some reason. i don't know why.

but i'm listening to alix olson.. who woulda thunk that a radical lesbian, feminist, left of progressive, loud spoken word artist would be appropriate for the 12 step program? not i.. but these 2 gems..
"We gotta go deep
We gotta use our black and blues like a second skin,
Let our bruises thicken,
Then begin again.
We gotta get up when we're pushed to the ground,
They aint gonna hear us if we're screaming face down.
We gotta rise to double the size of our sound.
You know warriors are better
the second time around." from the poem "Warriors"

and

"and i talk it and i teach it
and i poet and i preach it
and I hold it and I mold it
and I know it so I give it.
cause I’m sure that I believe
i’m still learning how to live it." from the poem "i believe"

i need to do the work, i need to do a daily meditation. if i can break open my meditation book with these two gems, hopefully i'll be drawn back to other gems i've found.

on another note, p is only truly happy when she is in my arms, asleep. yes, p is a cat. she's resting happily and comfortably right now.

posted by brooke at December 15, 2004 10:01 PM

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about
i'm brooke, born in '73. i am currently a phd student in instructional technology. this is the blog where i capture all the neurotic, and the few non-neurotic, moments that seem to come with being a phd student (if you want to read less neuroses and more professionalism go to: oer's, dl's, reuse and culture: it's about a phd student researching digital resources in a multicultural world). i have been from eugene, oregon for a long time.. 8 years specifically (its my home now, but i grew up in southwestern virginia), but now i'm here in logan, utah at utah state university. after finding my roots in eugene i never could have expected that i would leave that liberal oasis and head to utah. but i did and there are days when its a blessing and days when i'm tempted to go back to oregon and beg the folks at lost valley educational center to let me move in. but i won't leave because there are days when this process is better than any kind of high i could ever imagine. what else? i collect things, i have 2 cats, 2 kayaks, 2 laptops (i'm a geek - one mac, one pc). i can be emailed at brookesblog@rivervision.com.