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Saturday, 25 December 04 ::
getting it?
i went to midnight mass tonight at first christian church. i had a need to go, i had a need to go and connect to my past, to my love of christmas, my love of my family, my grandparents who are around but not in our form. i needed to go and start a new tradition for myself, that i would go to midnight mass, because i believe in everything and i believe in the magic that christmas has to offer for me.
first i went to a meeting. it was a good meeting, a small meeting. it was nice that i connected with one woman in particular. i thought a hated me, but she doesn't, in fact the very opposite. goddess, that was nice. it was nice to talk to her, to connect. i needed to know i wasn't the only one going to meetings and carrying out life as normal, and it was nice to hear i'm not a total looser for going to multiple meetings a week. its okay to need it.
and to hear about the higher power. the higher power is defined in so many different ways. and at the meeting tonight i said 'b, my nephew, is one of my higher powers, because by his simple state of being on this earth in the form that he comes, he makes me smile. 3000 miles away and he brings me joy.' and then, in the sermon tonight he said 'god is in little babies.' so, if a reverand says god is in babies, then i MUST be right that the higher power is everywhere, including b.
i'm starting to get the al-anon higher power thing. i'm starting to understand the definition of it, that its not as strict as i thought it was, that yeah-- the higher power is not as strict as i was lead to believe so many years ago.
and i'm also starting to get what this christmas thing means to christians. the whole birth of the savior thing, the whole coming into the world of a sacred being.. NO WONDER christmas is a big deal? the being that will save all these people, its his birthday. i started to get it while listening to the bells. something clicked. it has meaning.
tommorrow is a calm day. i've got presents to open, loved ones to call, i'll head to the 9am meeting - because i might see a friend or 2 and i have this need to do service, to make sure that those rooms are there for people in crisis.. they were / are there for me, i need to be there for them.. and then i'm getting together, at some point, with a friend for tea and pie. nice nice nice.
have a good one y'all..
oh and did i mention?? there are multiple rings around the bright moon tonight! we might get snow! if not here, then up only ~500 ft. i must go to the snow!
posted by brooke at December 25, 2004 12:46 AM
