rivervision

new look, again and my holiday pity party.

i'm back. took a few days off.. finally redesigned this spot. simple and white. hmm...

<--- that's my aunt susie's chair from when she still lived at home with my grandparents. it lived with her desk and mirror up in her room at the house in wild rose shores in annapolis, md.

this is max sitting in the chair after i tried to get pictures last night. its a favorite spot of the cats. the chair is so old its got a nice butt area, which is just the perfect size for a cat, and as you can tell max has taken full advantage of it.

what else? i've still got a lot of work to do on this site. yes, i know its wide. i'll work on it, later. my neck is way freakin' sore.. i'll work on it now, if you can convince miriam to come over at my beck and call to work on me.

i finally saw my big fat greek wedding.. it was good. and it was touching. its not a movie i'll buy though. my friend lorraine called out of the blue. it was good to see her. hopefully tommorrow or sometime later this week i'll go see bowling for columbine. i can't wait to see that one.

what else? i've got a lot of stuff on my mind. i've finally realized that this whole mom in ethiopia and dad in thailand thing is simiply *not* okay for the holidays. yes, yes.. i know, i'm 2 months and 2 days shy of being 30, i should be able to deal with this. i'm a big girl..

but. see that chair? you know why i keep that chair? cause i got this family that i adore. i remember when i was finally old enough to sleep in susie's room when we stayed at baba and grandad's house. that was a big deal. i remember those christmases in annapolis and va beach. they were all so magical. and the constants were always my mom and dad and brother.

my first christmas without seeing zack was weird. but i dealt with it. my first christmas without my family i remember saying to my mother never again. and she concurred. i thought i'd never have to do another christmas without them.

and now. fuck. zack and i will talk. and i'll probably talk to my extended family.. but its unlikely that i'll talk to mom and dad.. and no, we aren't religious. i don't know if any of the 4 of us believe. its a family holiday for us.

yes, and i know that there are people out there without families. and people who don't get along, so i should be grateful that i have one. but thats not what i'm used to, the not having. i'm used to having my family. *my* family.

yes, my stepsister is up the valley, but she's not my mom and dad and my brother. i'm 30 and i want my mommy and daddy and big brother. i want the magic that is created when i'm with my family. and to make matters worse i can't be with mom and dad by phone. and so this year my heart is broke.

and i've got all this cleaning to do, and i can't do it. all i want to do is curl up on the couch and listen to "country roads" over and over and over and over... country roads, take me home, to the place i belong, (west) virginia, mountain mama, take me home.... but just make sure mom and jim and dad and kathy and zack and meg are there!

Posted by brooke at 07.11.47 PM