she is a lesbian, radical feminist, cat lover, bibliophile, non-smoker, unitarian universalist (though she doesn't go to fellowship on a regular basis) and in the process of becoming athletic again. she dreams of being jeanne d' arc and swooping in and saving those that need saved (though she'd rather not be burned at the stake). she is a loyal friend who will do anything she can for those she loves, but she can flakey sometimes when her depression flares up. she is a loner. a southerner self-transplanted to the pacific northwest in 1998 and now believes that it doesn't rain enough here. she's known for her honesty, she can't help it, its the only way to be. she is 4'8" tall, and round. she has natural blonde hair and she also has blue eyes. she is very intense. she hates small and large crowds, she prefers the one on one or the one on a few. she has no idea what she wants to do with her life, though she would like to see more of the world than what she has seen so far (a good part of the continental united states) and she very much wants to be a mother. finally, she has huge crushes on alix olson and carolyn gage (these are from a far).

i'm not sure really what to think right now. i'm not sure if i want to go back to the funeral, not because of my family but because of the stress. there's just something in me telling me that the idea of the trip is just way to stressful. i think i'm still in shock.

i started a new round of medication last night and that is not helping with my energy levels at all. i just want to sleep, but i can't.

today is supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year. i've been looking forward to my 30th birthday for a long time. and last night i was starting to get excited, really excited.

anyhow. this is today.