she is a lesbian, radical feminist, cat lover, bibliophile, non-smoker, unitarian universalist (though she doesn't go to fellowship on a regular basis) and in the process of becoming athletic again. she dreams of being jeanne d' arc and swooping in and saving those that need saved (though she'd rather not be burned at the stake). she is a loyal friend who will do anything she can for those she loves, but she can flakey sometimes when her depression flares up. she is a loner. a southerner self-transplanted to the pacific northwest in 1998 and now believes that it doesn't rain enough here. she's known for her honesty, she can't help it, its the only way to be. she is 4'8" tall, and round. she has natural blonde hair and she also has blue eyes. she is very intense. she hates small and large crowds, she prefers the one on one or the one on a few. she has no idea what she wants to do with her life, though she would like to see more of the world than what she has seen so far (a good part of the continental united states) and she very much wants to be a mother. finally, she has huge crushes on alix olson and carolyn gage (these are from a far).

anyhow, i went back to the butte, then to the library, then to the kiva to pick up the cookie supplies. $3.60 for all but the margarine. i love bulk, re: not buying big, but bulk where you buy just what you need. i got the cocoa, milk, peanutbutter, sugar, and rolled oats at the kiva. had to stop by the supermarket in my neighborhood to get the margarine, but that wasn't a big deal. i'll be shopping at the kiva often. i only wish they'd carry tofu in bulk.

okay, different subject.

i caught some shows about new military technology that is being developed. it appalled me. my thoughts expanded globally. i can't believe how much humans spend on being able to destroy each other in better and better ways. trillions upon trillions of dollars are spent on hating each other. i can't believe that any rational human being doesn't just stop in their tracks when they see pictures of it. i can't understand how any world leader can show their face. i can't understand how we live with ourselves everyday because we allow this to go on.

my brother said that we should kill sadaam hussein yes, i believe that sadaam hussein is evil, and i believe that he shouldn't be a leader of a country of innocents, but i don't believe that we should kill him, i don't believe we should wage war on his country. believing that we should wage war on his country because sadaam hussein is a nutball is just rationalising the irrational. its being in denial about what waging war on the country of iraq will do to people just like you and i. waging war on iraq is turning your back on people just because they are far away. and it is causing suffering to the very people that our government says they want to save from sadaam (yeah right, our government is only concerned with oil), so said howard zinn on pbs, and i agree with him. sadaam won't suffer from our bombs.

my brother also said that he's not a peacenik like i am. i told him that every family needs to have an idealist like me. i was sort of cutting myself down for him. but you know what, after a few days of sitting on it, i think he's wrong, and i believe that everyone who believes in killing another human being for any reason not under death with dignity is wrong. its amazing but all these people who are out calling the death of innocents collateral damage are also the same ones who are fighting to take away my right as an oregonian to die with dignity when the time comes. yes, i am right and my brother is wrong. i am not an idealist.

instead of kililng a man like sadaam hussein we neutralize him. once we capture him, we jail him so he no longer has the power to hurt anyone, but we do not kill him. we do not have the right to kill him. i do not care what he has done. make him write a letter to one family of one person he has killed everyday apologizing for what he has done. that is a worse punishment than death.

i had this crazy theory that maybe the reason zack believes in war when he believes it is right and i won't ever believe it is right is because i have my own battle going on in my life. i know what it is like to stare death in the face and it isn't a pretty sight. death and i have been walking hand in hand for years, and for periods in my life i've stared death in the face, once i made the jump (please note that this event actually occured in 2001) and landed still breathing, another time while i was jumping i pulled my parachute.

or maybe its the whitewater kayaking. i've certainly had some scary moments while kayaking. i've never seen anyone die, and i've never had any major accidents, but there were times when i was a major head case, and i read enough stories, and i knew a couple of people who died, and i paddled enough rapids where folks had died and even walked off a river once cause my i couldn't keep my mental trip under control.

i would like to think that its our differing life experiences that keep my brother on the opposite side of the fence on this issue. i would like to think that if coming face to face with death zack would change his mind. but here's the kicker, i don't know enough about him to know if he has or hasn't come face to face with death.

but back on my subject.

i've been reading these two great books. and i've found some really great quotes. so i'll end a few of those.

"Evil begets evil, but it also begets more evil." -Kenny Bruno

"Violence only begets violence, and by lashing out at each other in fear and hatred, we will become no better than the facelles cowards who commited this atrocity [9/11]."-Usman Faraman

"You go to war because you want to do something fast. You use violence because you don't want to wait. You don't want to work conflicts out. You don't want to use your mind, your intelligence, your wit. You don't want to use those capacities that a human being is especially endowed with." - Howard Zinn

""We have destroyed several of al-Qaeda's training camps." Who are they kidding? How many hours does it take to set up a training camp? How easy is it to move from one place to another?" -Howard Zinn

"..the term "self-defense" does not apply when you drop bombs in heavily populated areas and kill people other than your attacker. And it doesn't apply when there is no likelihood that this action will make the world less violent." -Howard Zinn

"You do not solve social problems by individual acts of violence. Social problems require social and political mobilization." -Eqbal Ahmad

You hear journalists and politicians talking about globalization and the free flow of markets. But they don't talk about international solidarity of people. They don't say we should consider people everywhere as our brothers and sisters--that we should consider children all over the world as our children." -Howard Zinn