she is a lesbian, radical feminist, cat lover, bibliophile, non-smoker, unitarian universalist (though she doesn't go to fellowship on a regular basis) and in the process of becoming athletic again. she dreams of being jeanne d' arc and swooping in and saving those that need saved (though she'd rather not be burned at the stake). she is a loyal friend who will do anything she can for those she loves, but she can flakey sometimes when her depression flares up. she is a loner. a southerner self-transplanted to the pacific northwest in 1998 and now believes that it doesn't rain enough here. she's known for her honesty, she can't help it, its the only way to be. she is 4'8" tall, and round. she has natural blonde hair and she also has blue eyes. she is very intense. she hates small and large crowds, she prefers the one on one or the one on a few. she has no idea what she wants to do with her life, though she would like to see more of the world than what she has seen so far (a good part of the continental united states) and she very much wants to be a mother. finally, she has huge crushes on alix olson and carolyn gage (these are from a far).

THEN. i did a big freakin' no no.

i saw howard zinn on now with bill moyers on pbs (an excellent show btw) last night. i thought that mother kali's might have one of his books? oh goddess. yeah, stupid stupid stupid stupid me. so, i go into mother kali's and ask the ever so sweet cheryl if they have anything by him, and OF COURSE they do. they have his people's history (that's way to much howard zinn for a first time), so then she leads me over to another section where there's a nice collection of his books....... along with some other books.... yeah. so i pick a nice little cheap zinn book "terrorism and war", and i notice one title around it.. essays about pacifism. well, i'm not happy with that book, not enough women writers in that book.. but do i let sleeping cats lie? oh fuck no.. i have the audacity to go ask the ever so sweet cheryl if there is a book like the book i have, but with at least a 50 / 50 share of women / men writers. and of course there is. in fact she finds 2! can you believe it? of course you can. and of course i can't leave the store without one of them.. luckily i'm smart enough to leave the store with the cheaper one.. "another world is possible: conversations in a time of terror", and i write down the title of the other one - which i don't have on me right now, but it is something like "women reflect on 9 / 11"

to save my ass after this egregious spending of money i called the gateway people and thinking that i wouldn't be bringing this machine home went over and backed up my own data. and i've also sworn to myself that i WILL NOT go grocery shopping this week, because i've got stores of food that should be eaten, that i WILL make bread this this weekend (i've been saying that for 2 months), and if i want sweet, i'll just make cookies (though i think i do need milk and rolled oats for those, but that will be cheap). i've also SWORN that i won't spend ANY more money this week. and i keep assuring myself that i do have stores of greece money. so its okay.

and did i mention that my dad is on his way home as we speak??? he's probably on this continent! i can't wait can't wait can't wait to talk to him!!!! yes, at 30 i'm still a daddy's girl. but i don't think i became one, really, until i was 17 or 18, i certainly wasn't one when i was a kid, so i'm making up for lost time.

anyhow, its been a long day. i feel somewhat comforted that my computer and i are reunited, until the new hard drive comes in, and then.. its practically like a brain transplant.. (the hard drive has an error that is only going to get progressively worse)

and this is a freakin' addicition i tell ya.

okay. its time for a xanax. i'm actually shaking. i've not been able to rid myself of this anxiety attack all day. i probably should have worked out.

oh wait! i was talking to my brother and the cats were doing there crazies.. and lily came RUNNING out from under the papasan, RIGHT at smudge. smudge jumped UP into the air, did a FLYING FORWARD ROLL into lily and landed rolling into lily's belly. now, i've seen that boy of mine do some amazing things, but this, by far, takes the cake.

bye.