November 09, 2002
disturbing

private ryan was on abc tonight. it was on because veterans day in the states is on monday. so it was on to honor the veterans.

now, i didn't watch much of private ryan, because its violent and i have a hard time watching violent movies. but i did manage to catch a battle scene at the end of the movie.

well. my mind kept going back to this whole war thing. you know, this war with iraq thing.

i'm watching these images on my tv screen. i'm horrified by these images on my tv screen. i'm horrified by these images on my tv screen, which, i think, is smaller than my 17" computer monitor. so you can imagine that these horifying images aren't exactly life size, and i can't begin to even imagine what these images would begin to be like if they were life size.

now, i'm thinking.. why would anyone want to subject anyone else to this? why would anyone who has experienced this, or who's father or grandfather, or or or.. want to subject anyone to this?

and then my brain goes to ghandi. and i'm wondering where his lessons are in all this. where his lessons are in the brains of the un security council, where his lessons play into the mind of sadaam hussein, george w. bush, george bush, sr, and all those who came after ghandi who have waged war.

see.. but then my brain goes beyond ghandi. it goes far beyond ghandi. all these "great" world leaders profess to believe in a higher power. i know that the one that we here in the states elected does. now, my question is, where does that higher power play into it?

see, i wasn't raised with any sort of higher power. okay, thats a lie. my grandmother, my mom's mom, took my brother and i to her fundamentalist church. at one point, for one summer, i believed. but then during my teens it came to my attention that it was churches like my grandmother's who were saying that i was evil and that my socio-political beliefs were going to send me to hell (i come from the same state as both patty boy and jerry boy).

so, back to my point. all these so called world leaders, if you asked them, would profess to having some sort of higher power, yes? and aren't higher powers about bringing peace and saving lives? isn't that what bushy-boy and johnny-boy are trying to do by doing every possible thing to get rid of roe v wade and oregon's death with dignity? saving lives? but then they want to run into war.

and really, i don't understand it. if religion is about life and peace and evolution to a greater sense of peace then how come we are so war mongering? how come all these people who claim they believe in a higher power want to go out and kill people? where is the sense in that? are humans not evolved enough to be able to rise above our animalistic instincts to kill each other?

and how come i, who really doesn't have any particular higher power, doesn't belive we should go to war? how come i and so many others like me believe that peace is the answer, not war? and how come we are made fun of? and how come we are not listened to by those in power? and how come all of those of us who believe that peace is the answer and not war are considered alternative? and how come we aren't taken seriously? and why is anger taken more seriously than diplomacy? when in everyday one on one situations we tend to reject angry outbursts? why can't we apply the one on one interactions to the larger scale one one country interactions? even if the leader of the other country is a bit nuts (and i ain't sayin' which leader is nuts and which leader is sane).

Posted by brooke at 11.40.39 PM

lane sharing.

there is an interesting insurance discussion going on over at patti's place.

that said. i got up this morning and headed to the y. now, being that i've never really been a lap swimmer, though i do know all the strokes, i am now only being introduced to the art of "sharing a lane."

i was thinking about this this morning as i was actually sharing a lane. now, as you all probably know by now my sport was whitewater kayaking, so it occured to me, as i was trying to learn how to share a lane, that though i suck at sharing lanes i do know how to share an eddy.

huh? an eddy.. its a the calm spot behind a rock on a river. well, they are supposed to be calm, some of them aren't, some of them are just calmer than the river or re: just not moving downstream. and often times they aren't found just behind rocks, often times they are found behind formations made by rocks and the river known as holes or other such river / object creations. and eddys can be all sorts of sizes and can be found all over the river.

now, back to the lane sharing. as i was swimming this morning i was assuring myself, because i'm a perfectionist and i have to be able to do this whole lane sharing thing perfect the very first time, that even though i can't share a lane, i *can* share a micro eddy at the top of a really scary drop. and i've done it. and that is what my athletic training is in. and, in fact, i've shared micro-eddys with more boaters than the eddy should actually have. and i've pulled it off, because that is what my training is in. now, if i'd been a competitive swimmer i'd have learned this lane sharing thing instead.

so, i have reassured my perfectionist self that all these really good lane sharers that i'm swimming with probably can't share a micro eddy with people above a really scary drop (unless they are kayakers, and if they are, i could share that eddy with them) and at some point i'll become an effiecient lane sharer too.

now, my question is, i keep seeing the term "circle swimming".. wtf is that?

Posted by brooke at 03.10.03 PM

friday night insomnia ramble.

so, some psycho bitch that i know from my first year or so living here in eugene happened into my lane at the y today. that was fine with me until she started doing her crazy version of freestyle and stopped paying attention to the fact that there was anyone else in the lane with her. she ran into me. luckily that was 35 minutes into my swim. sort of luckily. i would have liked to have spent more time, but i was so pissed that i had to get out rather than risk two things-- a) her recognizing me and b) it happening again. but its 1.15am and i know i didn't swim long enough and its all that stupid bitches fault.

okay, so i am in a bad mood and its really not her fault. its, well.. i'm just in a bad mood and i can't go into it. because i would sound all petty and shit and i can't do that. i'm just sick and tired of things that i do and things that other people do. and furthermore, i *can* say this, i'm tired of my cats being so fucking needy when i need not to be touched by their furry bodies.

yes, i feel like shit, again. what's new? nothing. its a 3 day weekend. whoo hoo. that doesn't mean anything when you are on permanent weekend. all i care about is how fast the end of march comes. its not coming fast enough. screw the 30th birthday, i just want the end of march to come. yeah, remember? thats when i go on, what is now known as "my trip".. its been shortened from "brooke's trip to greece." or re: "my trip to greece." to simply "my trip." even if i happened to have a chance to go back east between now and then my trip to greece would still be "my trip." as that one is the big one. back east, well, compared to greece, on the way to greece i'm going to just pass right over it. so, yes, i feel like shit. big time shit. i mean i've alerted the therapist. "i'm in crisis mode again." luckily i see the doc on monday. not that she can really do anything except for give me the prescription i want but she'll at least be a bit of a morale booster, and her secretary is bound to have pics of her grandchild. yes, i go in there enough to now be on that kind of basis with her secretary, d, that i ask how her grandchild is doing and when she's going to bring in more pics.

i'm just rambling. i should be asleep. oh yes, and i'm back on the xanax. i'm in that much of a crisis. i think only one of you will get that. but thats the other advantage of seeing dr c. on monday, she'll give me something better for sleep than xanax and hopefully i can avoid getting addicted for a 3rd time.

now, i just need to start remembering to put alchol in my ears after i go swimming. i've only had one bad case of swimmers ear, but it was so bad i still remember and i'm a bit paranoid about it.

Posted by brooke at 01.26.43 AM

November 08, 2002
sometimes i just really freakin' miss atlanta

okay, so i think chel will appreciate that title.

yes, sometimes i just miss the great resources in atlanta... e.g. like a place to get swimsuits year round. yes, i settled on the boring blue one. and i swam in it for the first time today, and it was nice, because before i was swimming in a sports bra and shorts and everytime i'd push off from the wall i'd have to grab my shorts cause they'd act like they were going to go down. so this is easier.

but thats not the only reason. out in decatur there is a great international farmers market. and, well.. these days i've been really wanting to add foods from greece to my diet. no, not greek food made in the states, but actual imports. but so far all i've found is olives. but if i lived in atlanta i could go out to the international farmers market and find all sorts of wonderful goodies, i'm sure. i loved that place. isles upon isles of all sorts of stranged yet delectible wonders.

yes, this might sound strange, but the thing i'm looking forward to most is going shopping in a greek food market. where the locals shop. all those strange packages with all that yummy food inside. i know, weird, but i don't care.

anyhow. the rains hopefully have come for good to the pac nw. we had some big winds wednesday night / thursday morning. so big that my neighbors plants got blown down and i got awoken as did the cats. its been raining pretty hard since. apparently florence, which is on the coast, about 60 miles west of eugene, got 1.5 inches in 6 hours yesterday. i like the rain. its good for us, and we need it, esp. since we are 14.5 inches below normal for the year.

and finally. john walsh is doing a show on polyamory. now i like his show "americas most wanted" i think he's doing good work there.. but i think that he needs to stick to that and that only. yesterday he did a show about what illinois is doing about the death penalty. he kept using the word "clemency" instead of the word "commute".. there's a big fucking difference and he very fucking well knows it. any how. he's being a stupid fuck and putting his nose where it doesn't belong. his stupid audience calling polyamours couples sick and immoral. well, i could go on that show and point out to all those people in his audience how their lives are sick and immoral and shut them up. and i could very well do the same fucking thing to john walsh himself.

Posted by brooke at 02.34.20 PM

November 07, 2002
my name and my trip to the passport office.

well, i went to the passport office on thursday. the rude asshole that i had dealt with the first time i went wasn't there. instead was a nice quirky readheaded woman. she was very nice.

when it was my turn i explained to her my name situation. my name situation about the m brooke that appears on everything but my birth certificate, on which appears m______ (the name) brooke. i went on to tell her that the person i had spoken to last time was rather rude and told me that it might cause a serious problem, so serious that i might not get my passport in time to go on my trip at the end of march. further that i went ahead and filled in my full name, but if at all possible i'd like the passport just to say m. brooke, as it appears on my drivers license, social security card, insurance cards, state pension information, ssd stuff, and and and..

she was very nice, pulled out a little book and read a couple of paragraphs and said that all would be fine, that my passport could say m. brooke. and i didn't even have to fill out another application. and that my passport should arrive sometime around the middle of december.

i thanked her for her help and thanked her for not being rude and was on my way.

i'm hoping that now this will signify the end of the name in my life. not that its an awful name, and not that i don't want to honor my grandmother and great grandmother.. but its just tied to some really bad memories that i'd rather leave behind.

because the name is my first name it is the name i always got called when in situations where my full name had to be used. in scary situations as a little girl. situations that i did not want to be in. situations that to this day still haunt me at times. not nearly to the same extent that they used to. at some point in the last year of therapy i finally talked about it. and though they don't have the same hold on me that they used to.. that name.. well.. lets just say its like a scent memory.

see.. the indigo girls self-titled album will always take me to the new river gorge. i listened to it on the way to my first trip down that secion of the new river and many times on my way to other trips down that river. and then i'd hum tunes from that album when i was on the river. so every time i hear that album thats where i head too. so, that name. the name beyond the m, thats what happens when i hear it. i get taken to those scary situations.

so, i moved 3000 miles and started using the m. actually, i'd been using it for awhile, but not on applications, or for anything official.. when i got the job at the esd i used the m. it was on my resume. i filled out all the forms using the m. so it ended up on tax forms and my oregon pers. when i set up my bank account i had everything done with the m. and then finally i made a stink at the oregon dmv and they changed my drivers license. and then when i left work and ended up at the social security office i did all the ssd application with the m. and i applied for a new card using my drivers license and that has it. and now with my passport, well.. you get it.

it won't be official until i see the passport. but if all goes w / o a hitch i will have left the name behind but have kept the initial. yes, that is the way of leaving the memories yet still honoring those who i was named after.

Posted by brooke at 11.45.17 PM

2 years

yep. who knew that when i started this thing 2 years ago that it would become such a large part of my life. i certainly didn't.

yes, today, well.. yeah, its after midnight, and by the tiime y'all read this it will be morning.. i started this weblog on election day of 2000. in fact you can read it here (you'll have to scroll to the bottom.

election day of 2000. i was too antsy, been hearing about this blog thing.. been wanting to do an online journal thing for a loong time. and a perfect day, when my only concern was whether all the work we'd put into defeating measure 9, an anti-gay measure, was going to succeed. we did. i was grateful. but that was also the same awful election that bush got elected.

the night of 7 november 2000 i went to lane co fairgrounds to do the election night thing.. grab results as they came in, watch the tv's, be around others from the varous campaigns. i was there until midnight, pacific time.. our measure was too close to call.... but well, earlier that night florida had been called for gore.. YEAH.. but then.. well it was changed to bush.. and then that awful graphic and the music and all this pomp and fucking circumstance and g.w.bush was announced president. i knew it was time to go home.

next day was about as producte as the 7th, because i was keeping tabs on our measure. right before i left, things were looking up. when i got to the after 9 gethering word was called in that it was called.

anyhow, thats the beginng. and only the beginning.

the journey so far has been an incredbly rewarding one. and i've been touched to have been able to peer into the lives and thoughts of so many people that i wouldn't have been otherwise gifted to have known. i have learned a lot about myself, i have been challenged to see things from new perspectives, i have been touched by the kindness of those hundreds of miles away. i have been given the ultimate gift of love by friends through this strange world of weblogging that i would have never otherwise have become friends with.

and me personally. i have chronicled the changes in me. the trends in my thoughts and interests. the comings and goings in my life. my illness, and my joys. i have been able to go back and look up what was going on when and remember it. i have done what i set out to do for me.. keep that journal. keep that record.

and i love it. i love it. i'm not a graphic designer, but i get to play. i've found a new hobby. yes, what do i do as a hobby? i am a weblogger. an online journalist. yes, my life is out there for the world to see. want to get to know me, to a degree? r.t.f.w. read the fucking weblog.

and thats what i do. every day. i read the weblog. 2 years and counting. hears to many more. at least i hope so.

thanks y'all for reading and for allowing me to read yours. thank all of you for allowing me a glimpse into your lives.

happy anniversary me :)

Posted by brooke at 01.51.33 AM

November 06, 2002
yeeehaww!

CUNT in my mailbox!!! courtesy of.. guess who?

the hero of the week!!

i'm so excited! i'm so excited!

Posted by brooke at 03.10.11 PM

i am so depressed.

okay, not really. we had lots of visitors at the nursery this morning. at one point i speculated that it was because the republicans are now in power, and as we know republicans in power means cutting in programs like the relief nusery.

blech.

but mommy says it will be okay. so, it must be true, cause thats what i learned in kindergarten. if mommy says its gonna be okay, it will be okay.

oh and ps. just for an update:
cinnamon is still the hero. in fact, as i speculated, she *is* the hero for the week.

Posted by brooke at 01.33.51 PM

screwed

we are so screwed

can you say civil rights back to the 50's? can you say "trent lott is a hateful ignorant bastard?" i think i'll teach that one to the kids at the nursery. or "trent lott dumb." yeah, thats more up their alley. agh.

i cannot believe how fucking bassackwards this country is if someone like trent lott can have that much power.

okay, i think it might be time for some alix olson. didn't she say "i believe trent lott should be bbgun shot?"

max-cat is even pissy this morning.

deep breaths brooke. deep breaths.

Posted by brooke at 07.46.39 AM

November 05, 2002
tuesday

faith didn't like oprah's show. i only caught the last few minutes. i know faith won't be surprised.. but what i saw, i did. but i will make this comment... from the last few minutes i saw it appears that the world is paying a lot of attention to what they want to pay attention to.. to what will inflame them. and they have that perogative. and granted, our president is acting like a big dumb bully. i'm not sure if the world is aware of the huge peace movement that is taking place here. i'm not sure if the world is paying attention to the big movement of people who are paying attention to the complaints that the rest of the world has towards us and looking to see what can be done, looking to not be the big super power but more of a global community. there is a huge movement of people here who disagree with what is being communicated about the american policies and i don't think the world is paying attention to that. i don't think the islamic and arab world understands that this movement also doesn't hate them and also wants to understand them and work towards global peace. so. i think there are too many misunderstandings. and just like we think they all hate us, they think we all hate them and that just simply isn't true. we must not be reactionary, we must be thoughtful and peaceful.

that said. mom is buying me a bathing suit. i wanted to find a pretty one, but i spent the afternoon looking and then on the net.. nada. so i'm settling on a boring blue one. speedo though. it'll work. this freakin' town has only one place that sells bathing suits year round. and they only have 2 choices. blue or black. jeez. people say "online or go to portland." ferfucksake! thats just ridiculous! this is a metropolitan area of over 200,000 people! eugene is the second largest city in oregon! and only one place in the whole freakin' area?????? good goddess.. even in blacksburg i could find a decent bathingsuit year round! and blacksburg is tiny! okay, not tiny.. but not this big! (its only a town). jeez.. bryson city, north carolina! and thats teensy tiny.. okay, granted at the nantahala outdoor center was the place to get them and they served the whitewater community.. but still.. you get my point. boring blue. *blech*

Posted by brooke at 07.04.23 PM

November 04, 2002
i wonder..

so i wonder mr. bogdanski, are you one of the lucky with health insurance?.. yeah, its a little late to be jumping into this one.. but i voted for measure 23, universal healthcare.. in the end i know it will fail.. but i had too.

see, for once in my life i am on the brink of being one of the uninsured. amazing that it takes this to happen for my eyes to be opened. see, its this reason why we don't have universal health care. because not enough people are in the position to be loosing health insurance.. or, re: not enough with pull.

in 16 months i won't have health insurance, if i continue on as i am. i don't qualify because of my pre-existing depression condition. and i won't qualify for the oregon health plan because my income will be too high, by 200 dollars. and my income is not a lot.

so, i'm screwed.

so, all of you out there with health insurance, thank your lucky-fucking-stars. all of you out there who don't depend on your doctor for what feels like each breath as each week goes by thank your lucky-fucking-stars. all of you out there who don't have to have 300.00 worth of medication to stay alive each month thank your lucky-fucking-stars. all of you out there who have enough money to pay even if you don't have health insurance just hope you don't leave the temporary-abled category and end up in my shoes... and then your mind might very well fucking change about universal health care.

until then all of us are screwed because you can't get your privilaged, temporarily healthy heads out of your asses.

Posted by brooke at 08.51.24 PM

vote

i've voted. actually i voted on sunday.
yes for unversal healthcare in oregon. (it won't pass)
yes for labeling on genetically modified foods (it will fail)
yes for parks
yes for schools
yes for no more paying per signature for initatives
yes for increasing minimum wage
no on jail improvements
yes for allowing the minimum age to be elected to the state legisture to be changed to 18.

bradbury for senate, even if he did run all those stupid ads. even if he is going to loose, but gordon smith is evil incarnate.

defazio is a good guy in the house.. he should have run for senate, or governor.

vicki walker in the state senate.

for governor.. i emailed bot the republican and democrat and told them i wasn't voting for either of them cause i was sick of their negative campaigning. i wrote in BEV STEIN, who ran as a democrat in the primary. i liked her.

okay, now i'm tired of the election.

Posted by brooke at 07.00.03 PM

my day list continues

k) my swim was great. i think maybe i'll actually be able to rehab my shoulder.

l) chel ranted. i love it when chel rants.

m) i have nutella. hehehehe i love eating nutella right out of the jar. i rarely eat it on bread, like its supposed to be.

n) my mom and jim have dear friends who live in england. i've only spoken to sue (sue and martin). sue is wonderful. i can't wait to meet them. sue had me lauging out loud as she was telling me about martin working on the gutters. mom says they are more like family. its nice to have family like them :)

o) mom says she'll help me buy a bathing suit for my body at this size. hope i can find one w/o one of those way obnoxious bras built in. i talked to a woman at mckenzie outfitters. she said nike. we'd both had similiar experiences with speedos. i've had a tyr but it got lost, she didn't have any experience with them.

p) multi-colored goldfish.. kinda disturbing, but they taste okay.

q) okay. so, oprah isn't all that bad.

Posted by brooke at 04.10.48 PM

today so far.

a) the blind runner who came in 5th in the new york marathon is from eugene.

b) i finally bought a journal for my trip to greece.

c) i called my mother and told her that i thought she and i should go to greece during the high season. (my plan is so that i can go back when its warm and she can pay :) ).

d) we only had 2 children at the nursery.

e) i went through some books last night, found one that never made it to its destination, took it to our classroom at the nursery, gave it to one of the lead teachers, she loved it, i smiled.

f) since we only had 2 kids i left. that means i can go swimming at 11.30.

g) yes, roni i'm going to drop off my ballot. (we have mail in / drop off voting here in oregon).

h) i paid my electric bill. last month it was only 17.46. i know that this month it won't be bad either. my suffering with no heat will payoff in the end.

i) if my check comes today i'm gonna call mom and ask her if she'll give me $$ to buy a brand new speedo. i don't have a bathing suit for this size. i need one if i'm gonna be swimming all the time.

j) cinnamon is the hero for the day, if not for the week.

Posted by brooke at 11.15.08 AM

November 03, 2002
100 things

i've finally joined the crowd. i've finally written my 100 things list....

1. i’m short. 4’8”

2. i’m the only queer person in my family (re: my immediate one, my aunt and her family, my uncle and his family).

3. i own 4 cats.

4. they all have 3 names.

5. i only call each cat by one name, unless they are in trouble, or they are extraspecially sweet.

6. i am scared of the dark.

7. i turn 30 on 23 feb 2003.

8. my mom turns 60 on 30 aug 2003

9. my dad turns 60 on 5 dec 2002

10. my brother turned 30 on 19 march 2001.

11. i have lived in 4 states: virginia, north carolina, georgia, and oregon.

12. i have lived in 7 different towns / cities: blacksburg, virginia; bryson city and brevard, north carolina; athens and atlanta, georgia; springfield and eugene, oregon.

13. i currently reside in eugene, ore.

14. the only other country i have ever been to is canada.

15. in march of 2003 i am going to greece, with a 10.5 hour stop over in england.

16. i can’t wait to go to greece.

17. i competed in the 1992 olympic trials in whitewater slalom kayaking.

18. i came in dfl (dead fucking last) in the 1992 whitewater slalom olympic trials race.

19. i almost flunked out of my jr year of high school.

20. my high school guidance counselor didn’t think i’d do well in college.

21. i got my masters degree from one of the top 3 departments (the top always switch around) in my field (instructional technology) in the country (the university of georgia).

22. my gpa for my masters degree was a 3.5.

23. i’ve been able to swim as long as i can remember.

24. my uncle tom had to jump in and save me when i slipped out of my floatie when i was in a pool, before i learned to swim.

25. when my older (by 2 years) brother and i took swimming lessons together i did better than him.

26. the last boat my grandfather ever owned was called the grenadine. i didn’t know what that meant until i was much older.

27. i was a born again christian for a summer.

28. i think born-again christianity is the root of all socio-political evil in this country. that and oil.

29. i have attempted suicide twice.

30. i have spent two separate nights in a psych ward. it was hell.

31. my stays in a psych ward were not connected to my suicide attempts.

32. i am a bibliophile.

33. my favorite food is tofu.

34. i owned a gun for 2 weeks.

35. i think it should be illegal to own guns.

36. i am a unitarian universalist.

37. i always get nervous waiting in waiting rooms.

38. sometimes i have a terrible memory.

39. the new river gorge is my most favorite place in the world. this might change
when i go to greece.

40. i have been eating at the same greek place in blacksburg for nearly 20 years.

41. i really do love spanikopita.

42. i have known how to correctly say the word “gyro” since i was 11.

43. i think that the internet, when used for communication and creating peace
and good and NOT making money, is the greatest communication tool created so far.

44. money is the root of 99% of my anxiety.

45. my favorite font right now is trebuchet ms.

46. i love dresses.

47. i also love overalls and old t-shirts under them.

48. my favorite style of shirts / dresses are sleeveless. not partial sleeve (gross). not straps. women’s tank tops.

49. i love things covered in delicate flowers. not lace, but understated flowers. not overly femme. just enough to make the female statement.

50. i am a snob about education. i think everyone should have *at least* a college degree.

51. i’m trying very hard to get over #50.

52. i am very classist.

53. i’m trying very hard to get over #52.

54. i’m fatphobic.

55. guess what? i’m working very hard to get over #54.

56. i am not racist, though i have no idea how to bridge the racial lines. i want to learn.

57. when i work out i like to “work out to the death.”

58. my dr. hates it that i like to “work out to the death.”

59. i am afraid of doctors.

60. i am not afraid of my current doctor. we joke with each other.

61. i see my current doctor every 2 weeks right now. thats why i’m not afraid of her.

62. i am a radical feminist.

63. i have identified as a feminist since i was 10.

64. i believe that i won’t live to old age.

65. i love apple butter.

66. my most favorite rapid that i’ve only run once is pillow rock on the gauley
river in west virginia.

67. my most favorite rapid that i’ve run multiple times is either lower keeney or double z, both on the new river gorge in west virginia.

68. my most favorite place to surf in a kayak is on lake creek in oregon.

69. if i ever die on a river it will be somewhere on section iv of the chattooga in georgia / south carolina.

70. my favorite tv show used to be “the patty duke show.”

71. i don’t have a favorite show now, though i do enjoy friends, will and grace, judging amy (amy brenneman is such a babe!), and law and order: svu (mariska hargitay is also a babe!).

72. i watch baywatch: chicks in bathing suits, how could i not?

73. i taught myself to program basic when i was 9. i don’t know how to program any other language (html doesn’t count).

74. my first computer was an apple II+.

75. i never eat ice cream out of a dish when i am eating it at home.

76. i can easily finish a pint of ice cream in a short sitting.

77. i love peanutbutter ice cream.

78. i love little pizzas made with biscuit dough.

79. i named my first cat katy after my best friend’s in 1st and 2nd grade cat katy.

80. i didn’t loose anyone close to me until i was one month shy of my 27th birthday. that was my grandfather.

81. the second person i lost that was close to me died 11 months later. that was my grandmother.

82. my biggest regret in life is not going to my brother’s (my only sibling) wedding.

83. my second biggest regret is not getting my brother a kick-ass wedding gift. hopefully i’ll fix that when i go to greece.

84. when i was in fourth grade i played princess reason in “the phantom tollbooth.”

85. if i ever have a daughter her name will be grianne (pronounced with a rolling r and the anne “anya”).

86. if i ever have a son he will be named harry zack.

87. i have been sleeping with the same stuffed duck since i got him from my brother and father for my 8th birthday.

88. i left my duck in rawlins, wyoming on the way out here to oregon. when i called to see if he was there the first time they said no. i was crushed. thank the goddess they found him.

89. my biggest fear is roads with edges. that is why i don’t go over to eastern oregon.

90. i don’t drink alcohol. i don’t like how it makes me feel.

91. i have never ever smoked a cigarette. i have never even taken a puff of one.

92. i have smoked a marijuana joint though. i’d continue to do so, but i get panic attacks now.

93. marijuana is the hardest non-legal drug i’ve ever done.

94. i have been physically addicted to xanax twice so far.

95. i have only had sex with one man. i had sex with him a total of 7 times. i fantasized about women each time.

96. in my extended family on my father’s side my aunt (dad’s sis) and her 2 kids, my uncle (dad’s bro) and all 3 of his kids, and me all have blonde hair and blue eyes. my grandfather also had blonde hair and blue eyes. the only members of the family w /o blonde hair and blue eyes are my dad (hazel eyes, light brown hair), grandmother, my brother (brown hair and eyes), and those married into the family.

97. when i was deciding about where to go for my undergrad i had nightmares about going to a school that was 5,000 students.

98. i have never been motion sick.

99. i would like to learn to speak a second language.

100. i tried to join a sorority when i was a sophomore year in college. i got rejected, so i joined alpha phi omega, a national service fraternity.

Posted by brooke at 04.28.56 PM