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my name and my trip to the passport office.
well, i went to the passport office on thursday. the rude asshole that i had dealt with the first time i went wasn't there. instead was a nice quirky readheaded woman. she was very nice.
when it was my turn i explained to her my name situation. my name situation about the m brooke that appears on everything but my birth certificate, on which appears m______ (the name) brooke. i went on to tell her that the person i had spoken to last time was rather rude and told me that it might cause a serious problem, so serious that i might not get my passport in time to go on my trip at the end of march. further that i went ahead and filled in my full name, but if at all possible i'd like the passport just to say m. brooke, as it appears on my drivers license, social security card, insurance cards, state pension information, ssd stuff, and and and..
she was very nice, pulled out a little book and read a couple of paragraphs and said that all would be fine, that my passport could say m. brooke. and i didn't even have to fill out another application. and that my passport should arrive sometime around the middle of december.
i thanked her for her help and thanked her for not being rude and was on my way.
i'm hoping that now this will signify the end of the name in my life. not that its an awful name, and not that i don't want to honor my grandmother and great grandmother.. but its just tied to some really bad memories that i'd rather leave behind.
because the name is my first name it is the name i always got called when in situations where my full name had to be used. in scary situations as a little girl. situations that i did not want to be in. situations that to this day still haunt me at times. not nearly to the same extent that they used to. at some point in the last year of therapy i finally talked about it. and though they don't have the same hold on me that they used to.. that name.. well.. lets just say its like a scent memory.
see.. the indigo girls self-titled album will always take me to the new river gorge. i listened to it on the way to my first trip down that secion of the new river and many times on my way to other trips down that river. and then i'd hum tunes from that album when i was on the river. so every time i hear that album thats where i head too. so, that name. the name beyond the m, thats what happens when i hear it. i get taken to those scary situations.
so, i moved 3000 miles and started using the m. actually, i'd been using it for awhile, but not on applications, or for anything official.. when i got the job at the esd i used the m. it was on my resume. i filled out all the forms using the m. so it ended up on tax forms and my oregon pers. when i set up my bank account i had everything done with the m. and then finally i made a stink at the oregon dmv and they changed my drivers license. and then when i left work and ended up at the social security office i did all the ssd application with the m. and i applied for a new card using my drivers license and that has it. and now with my passport, well.. you get it.
it won't be official until i see the passport. but if all goes w / o a hitch i will have left the name behind but have kept the initial. yes, that is the way of leaving the memories yet still honoring those who i was named after.
Posted by brooke at November 07, 2002 11.45.17 PM
