« okay, so i sholdn't |
Main
| alix again »
well, that was blissful
okay, so i'm SO freakin' glad i went to the massage. there aren't words for how wonderful it was. and, you know, i need it. i need the touch. and the massage therapist, m, lets just say she's as wonderful as dr. c and therapist k. that's saying a lot.
i'd interacted with m a couple of times, the first one being in a negative way.. well, not her and i, but the guy she sublets a room from. a number of weeks later she and i were walking into the building (she's in the same building as k) at the same time and she stopped me and wanted to make sure that there were no hard feelings, that she saw the argument my way, was i okay? i just replied, "oh, he's a dick. thats all." i'd been thinking about making an appt since i met her that first day i met her when i was arguing with the dickhead.
so, yesterday i went in, she came out and said "you are coming to see me!" that's nice to hear. and today she blew me away.. she said that she was so glad that *I* came to see her, and that she was embarrassed to tell me that. i told her nonsense, so she changed it to shy. so, are you getting the picture?
not only does she give an excellent massage, but we connect personally / emotionally as massager / massagee. i filled out her form, and then she asked why i put down disabled for work. so, she said, this will be for touch too. which, to be honest, was the other reason i wanted the massage. my shoulder is hurting me, a good massage is always wonderful to have, and the touch is so important. so, she said she'd work with that.
as i was leaving we discovered we both have degrees in education. and finally, we agreed that we worked well together. its important. its important to be able to work well with someone you are going to be working that intimately. your doctor, your therapist, your massage therapist. its important that the dr / therapist / massage therapist wants to work with you too, not just you wanting to work with them.
so, i wish i could see her every week. i'm going to talk to therapist k and dr c about seeing k every other week and seeing m every other week. head talk, touch talk. along with cordes's drugs. i mentioned that to her, and she said "this is what i do for work." and she implied it made sense. plus, after we talked about that, i asked if she hugged, she does, and she gives great hugs. another important thing in a caregiver that has become a facet for me. good hugs.
my fear is that i'll get better and have to go back to work. but since i still fear work, i don't think that is a possibility. this is a slow process. and just the thought about having to work makes me cry in fear.
so, its good. and i simply cannot wait to see m the massage therapist again. just like i can't ever wait to see therapist k, dr c. m makes me feel as safe as the other two.
i'm incredibly lucky. i am ment to be in eugene. when it comes to my depression i am ment to be in eugene. i've known this siince i started to see k 3 years ago, and then when c entered my life i was even more convinced, and now m i can't get more convinced. i'm in eugene to survive my disease.
Posted by brooke at August 21, 2002 12.02.57 AM
